I believe in you.

I woke naked atop a sheet lying on the floor
next to a pile of plastic hangers on one side,
her body pressed to mine on the other,
and the faint scent of *** and cigarettes on the air.
Although I doubt you could call it waking
when she and I had such little sleep.

Her alarm was going off somewhere in the haze
and I could feel her skin peel off of mine as
she got up to silence it and call out of work.
I took a deep breath, reveling in the stale air,
and sat up with my back pressed to the wall.
My eyes closed and flashbacks came to the
forefront of my vision from the night before,
my mouth full of her neck,
moans in the dark,
her face leaning out of the window above me
as I smoked outside in my boxers.

I shook myself awake
and the goddess strode her way back in
slowly and salaciously, in a dance with
my tired eyes as they traced the faint figure
that shone through her loose shirt
in the morning light.

I could feel the little time we had
slipping through the curved
hourglass of her body,
and I stood to meet her smile
with a kiss, pulling her against me
with one hand and losing the other one
somewhere in the oceanic waves of her hair.

The flashbacks came again, but differently now.
Years of memories coursed through my mind,
all the times she'd been right in front of me
yet I was too blind to truly see her as I did then.

We dressed slowly in the din of the busy street outside,
gathering the last of her belongings in the empty apartment
and taking them down to her car.

I stepped into the sunlight and lit up a smoke,
it was going to be a hot day,
and she locked the door behind us for the last time.

The car welcomed us as she turned the engine over,
and I buckled up whilst cracking a beer.
The wheels began to spin, I took a long slug,
and she smoked the last three drags of my cigarette,
flicking it carelessly out of the window.

I'm gonna live forever.

So far, so good.

blahblahblahwordsblahblahrhymesblahblahblah

She sees left and right whilst upside down,
laughing in hysterics at idealistic semantics.
She jauntily journeys to and from small towns,
smiling dead smiles at boys being subtly romantic.

They all want her, the mean queen without a crown,
to be captured by one or another comely fellow.
They all see the lies, under painted makeup thick as a clowns,
she tells with those brown eyes shaded in true yellow.

I see her, my child, my dear, my eyes look around
shiftily calculating the great fortunes I would pay
to knot fingers in her hair, to hear her heart pound.
There she goes now, along on her merry way.

Not that I would join in all the lads attempting her heart,
for fear of the magnificent nothings I would say.
I imagine my presence would give her quite the start,
when she sees I'm true yellow, being born to be afraid.

Nothing,
not even the stars,
can hurt you
as much as love.

The relationship between
Vivid, bright honesty to strangers,
And living white lies with those you love.

It's fun
Finding someone uninvolved
And telling them
All the things
You can't tell yourself,
Showing them
The pieces of you
That you lie about
To everyone else,
That you lie about
To those that you love,
To those that love you.

The comfort of complacency,
The smooth flow of denial,
The willful ignorance,
For the sake of continuance
Down the path of least resistance,
That leads to nowhere but the grave.

When in the end
It's the hard way out,
The difficult decisions,
That lead to freedom.

The hidden truths
I've been ignoring
Are the only things
That really matter.

Generally
I've lived a very stress free life.
I've never wanted for much,
I've always had the privilege of working
And the privilege of having a loving family.
If ever I've had anxiety,
It's always been for a good reason.
It's always been because
Of conscious bad decisions,
Or not doing something that I know I should be.
But the one thing that has consistently
Given me a sense of irrational fear
And anxiety,
Is the prospect of fatherhood.

I've been in multiple
Long term relationships
Where I've ended up avoiding *** altogether,
Just because I would get so worked up
At the prospect of having a baby.
I would weigh the pleasure of intimacy
Against that irrational sense of dread.
The scales would shift too,
In the beginning it's fairly balanced
And I would find joy in making love, but..
Over time they teeter towards
Wanting to avoid that irrational fear,
And that always costs me the relationship
Because I end up associating ***
With bad feelings.
I end up doing stupid little things.
Doing paranoid little things like
Tracking my girlfriend's periods,
Or fantasizing running away.
Romanticizing suicide.
It's so dramatic and big in my mind.

A lot of my concerns could be alleviated
By using basic family planning measures,
Like condoms or spermicidal ****,
Or insisting that my significant other
Start taking the pill.

But condoms ****,
And I don't feel right imposing
A prescription upon someone.

At the end of the day
I don't think that those family planning measures
Would address the true nature of the problem.
They're just a bandaid for my conscience.
Maybe I need to talk to someone,
Someone professional.
It's hard to admit weakness,
Hard to not be prideful.
But after all is said and done
I gotta figure something out.
I used to relish in the image
Of being a guy that wants to be alone.
But I don't think life is worth living
Without someone to share it with.

Ninety-one

the lights in your eyes
sent tractor beams into mine
and brought me closer to you
one day after another
for the rest of my time

You wrench the lunch
and the broth slosh-
ing from within my stom-
ach and the sad sorry meal
I picked from the shelves of
an old cold cabinet.

You'll look up one day
And be almost seventy,
I'll be eighty-eight.

Fat people are so gross.

Ain't nothing quite like
Looking into a pristine blanket of snow
To really highlight
All the **** floating around in my eyes.

Better wait.
I tend not to
Hesitate.

It's big in my mind,
Meeting your daughter.
I'm sure it's fine.

Walls crumble
At your touch,
Regardless of how subtle.

Little imperfections,
I usually so easily ignore,
Suddenly became amplified
Since meeting someone I adore.

Get out of the mirror,
Get out of my head,
I just have to focus
On being myself instead
Of trying to be
An idealistic version me,
I just hope that she likes
Who I am.

Yellow, this fellow is
everywhere at once.
Seems there's more
to what he wants.
Elsewhere, a hand
reaches out for help,
despite the stigma
and crippling doubt.
Yellow, this fellow is.

Insinuate the purpose,
seeking a semblance.

Tallow, this fellow has
original thoughts.
Despite spending his time
always chewing the fat,
yellow, this tallow is.
,

Jonesing for a fix
until she comes,
she's got a habit
that can't be undone.

Nothing is quite like
orating his thoughts,
talking to himself.

Yellow, this fellow is,
everyone he knows,
touches his heart.
.

I watched
As you
Twirled
And
Spun

Now I just
Remember it
Over
And over
Again

Taste of blood
Like the
Taste
Of a
Gun

I'll just
End up
Where
It all
Began

I watched
As you
Loved me
And
Sprawled

Now
I just
Remember
It
Dying

I watched
As you
Gave me
Your
All

Now I
Can't
Even
Remember
Why

Why I just didn't see it
At the time

Why do I find myself
In this paradigm

I've wandered past the edge of perpetuity,
and found it wanting.
I've danced on the fence of commitment,
wavering between never and always.
The infinite has mocked me,
I embraced my bitter mortality
and mocked the abyss right back.
There's no reasons beyond what we decide.
There's no reason at all.

Needs are met,
so set sail on the glass surface
of simple contentedness
and let the breeze of life
paint wrinkles on our faces.

Let's smile at the waning sunlight,
laugh at the encroaching pale moon.

For no reason.
No reason at all.

Get your ******* life
out of my facebook,
stop ******* twittering
in my ear,
hang your selfie
with a vine.

I know the lot of you
liked my ******* plaid poem,
so don't try to hide it
you stupid sheep.

I don't think there's ever been a time in my life when I've felt so compelled, and been able to make decisions with such conviction as I am today. Maybe it's a symptom of growing older, maybe it's just that I finally have some semblance of actually knowing what it is that I want out of life. Maybe, maybe, maybe... Maybe it's more simple than all of that. I'm tired man, bed is gonna feel so good.

Poetry is ******* *******.

why o why
is it so hard to find
a woman who hates me
and wouldn't mind
if I we're drunk
and incoherent

why can't i find
someone to be miserable with

Birthdays won't be the same

My phone's charging port broke,
maybe.... jeez, I don't know.
Maybe, five or six months ago?
Since then I've been restricted
to only using wireless chargers.
At work I need my GPS often,
and so my phone doesn't die
I keep a wireless charger
rubber banded
to the back of my phone...

...anyway...

I took Emily's headband
and threw it out,
it was hanging in the bathroom
for awhile.

I took Alyssa's painting
off the wall.

I threw that out too.


Found a hairtie
on the closet doorknob
and I went to go toss it,
but my phone was dead
and I didn't have a
rubber band
to keep my wireless charger
on the back of my phone
during my car trip to work.

So I used the hair tie.

I don't remember who's it was, but
Sara got in my car and saw it sitting there.

Stupid. Inconsiderate.
I try clearing all the leftover ****
out of my life,
and only end up
drawing attention to it.

It's cool to be sad
Be hip
Be trendy
Be alone

And you'll be popular
In theory

Don't believe poetry.

Its a poetry website lol you have to write a poem rofl

I could paint the sky
With the color of my sighs.

Blue,
Purple,
Black.

A bruise of a day,
Preceded by a shameful evening
Of bearing my yellowed teeth.

Inhale the dye,
And stain my insides.
Because sometimes even the hidden truths
End up being lies,
And I'll tell myself
It's the hand we've been dealt.

These new jeans are too tight,
And just for self-spite
I'll go and cut them up into
Beautiful butterflies.

You'll never read this.
That's what makes it
so easy to write.

I think writing is stupid

Chartreuse and obtuse
she's sky-blue angles
and acute when she dangles
from a wordy noose.

I want to watch her
commit suicide
while heavily altered
with me in mind.

**** jupiter
and
**** the sky

Never going back again,
that old bridge
on a snowy day.

But I'm there every other day
inside of my mind.

Ain't even my friends,
not half of them.
Not anymore.

But I'm certain that
we used to be.

Forget, do your best.
Let the liquid take over.
C'mon, you know you can do it!
Past, presence, the future is near.
So please,
just forget me dear.

a line
in a circle
in a triangle
on her skin

and the kind of pink
that makes me want to sin

I like this girl, I do.
But I know that nothing will come of it.
So I wish she didn't like me too.
It would be easier.

I'm too tired

There's a space between
you and I
that I just don't seem
able to find.

I don't want to write anymore.
Stop reading this.
Please.

You think so?
Because I don't.

In fact I try so **** hard
not to.

God I want to *******
quit.

I think about it
all the time.

For what?



...This?
I don't think so.

Either pass this mindset.
or die in the cab of a
...

I pray for the pain of
this mindset passing.

This?




Either combustionless
or insane.