If I let it all go, and find myself in hell.
Just know that I’ll be waiting.

When years have passed and you’ve forgotten my name.
When you’ve moved on to new lovers and abandoned them; all the same.

When you’re tired and lonely and old and dying.
When your calloused, poisoned heart finally gives out.

I will claw my way through the wastes.
Past tormented souls and demons too, nothing will stop me hunting for you.

And as you stand at the edge, waiting for the boatman.
I will reach up from the depths, and drown you in the river styx.

I ******* hate you.

I see a lawn mower with a pull start that I’m just not strong enough to get myself the first time
Maybe I’ll just plant clover, since grass is an invasive species
A swing set that in a few years I will curse, because no one uses the **** thing anyway, but I cannot just give up the nostalgia

I see boys tennis shoes laying at my door as my son and his friends play video games, or soccer, or skateboard in the street, or hell even just hit each other with sticks, as boys will be boys after all.

I see a laundry room, a whole separate laundry room from the house, a room that has a place to actually fold the laundry before you deliver it to its home.

A bathtub that both knee and nip can be warm, a place to smoke a joint or drink a beer and forget that the day was stressful.

I wish for a loving partner, of course, but I’ll do this regardless.

I have simple dreams, sure. But they’re still dreams.

I will probably always be a little ****** up

And unlovable

I didn't have good role models,
I learned love in the front seat of a truck
On back roads screaming to songs
That mirrored the beat of my heart against his

I learned love in toxic waste,
In hatred for myself
In anger for the world around me

I learned love in falsehoods
Drive by robbery
Bombs where poems should be

I learned love in the eyes of a child
Who never asked for any of this
Whose heart shatters the same way mine did
And I can't protect him either.

I learned love in protection
Building walls, building castles
I am not Rapunzel, my hair is not the key
Prince Charming does not exist

I'll probably always be a little ****** up

And unlovable.

I am tornado
Hurricane
Cyclone
Spiraling out of control

I never stopped to consider the collateral damage.

You didn't call yesterday,
And you won't call this weekend
Because you're in her house all shacked up and cozy
Beating off to the god complex in your own head.

I hate you as much as I love you,
And it hurts too much to keep it in existence
Outside of this URL.

You know I'm the only person that you can even tell half the truth of the psychosis to. But in the end,
You can't love me like I need.
And we both need to be honest about this trainwreck before it comes off the rails.