When you were my Yes;
In a world full of Nos
You were the only calm I knew
Before I knew how it felt to lose,
You were the open sunny skies
Before I knew the cold winter
The way we stitched stars to our dreams…
And the way you didn’t have to ask my heart
I just recognized it on my own!
Our love was so loud..
Wild and fierce and untamed..
but It could not get louder than the voices…
the voices I was raised to obey..
and voices built cages to tame its flame
which is why the fire dimmed….
And even when I walked away
It broke me in pieces where noone could see!
And ever since I have worn silence;
I have worn silence like second skin
But you have lived in every quiet that I entered
Memories of you crawl to me
They find me in my every breath
They find me in my shadow
and just like that
I carry you like my breath
which I dont know to exhale-
I am just an endless tide pulled trembling to your hidden shore.

When I said I hated you,
I was begging myself to believe it.
Because loving you
when you no longer loved me
felt like standing in a storm,
waiting for a door that would never open.

I didn’t want to let go—
God, I didn’t.
But you had already left,
with your silence, your distance,
your eyes that stopped looking at me
like I was home.

So I said the only words
that could keep my heart
from crawling back to you:
I hate you.

But what I meant was:
Please, don’t go.
What I meant was:
I love you still, and I don’t know how to stop.

I wish you knew
how hard I try to seem okay.
How I laugh with people
but feel the emptiness echo back.
How I say I’m over you,
then break when your favorite song plays
in the middle of a crowded room.

I miss you—
every single day,
in ways I can’t admit out loud.
In the space beside me in bed,
in the way I still check my phone
hoping for a name
that won’t ever appear again.

You were my forever.
And I let you go
because I thought I had no choice.
Because I was too proud
or too scared
or maybe too late.

And if there’s one truth I carry now,
it’s this:
I didn’t stop loving you.
I only stopped saying it.

Maybe in another life,
I’ll be braver.
Maybe you’ll stay.
Maybe we’ll meet again
without wounds, without fear—
just love.

But if this is all there is,
if this life is the only one we get,
then know this:
I never stopped choosing you—
even when I had to walk away.

Love doesn’t mean
I stay broken where you left me.
You were that winter storm
and now that the skies are clear
I am unshaken
unremoved,
reborn from the wreckage.
Your words?
They pierced
and they were stuck with me for a
long time.. but;
I have let go of it all,
the ache, the hope
the thousand what ifs
that chained me to your ghost
I have dropped it all
like dead weight from my shoulders :)
I have burned the bridges
drowned the ashes
and salted the ground
where your shadow lingered.
Your hatred?
It used to crack the walls inside me,
Now it just brushes past
like wind against stone
I don’t flinch
I don’t feel
This is not rage
but this is just absence
You are nothing in my chest now
no flicker, no flame
just frost on a name I don’t say anymore!
I do not glance back
Not for a memory
Not for a may be
Not the girl I used to be
when I still flinched at your name.
I have left you behind- forever,
No pause, No softness, No Glimpse.

Our song..
We listened together…
It still knows our name
It remembers everything
The way you looked at me
The way we debated..
which right turn to take!
The way we sang it together
and now when I listen to it
its like
its trying to pull your ghost out of me.

First line..
Takes me back to the car
Your hands on the wheel
my hands on your lap
Second line?
I feel sick
So sick.. not even in a poetic way
but
like I need to lie down
before those memories claw thru my body
and spill me to the floor!

You are not here
but this song is
It has stayed with me
like this stain
that I dont want to get rid of
like a wound
that hurts
but I don’t want it to heal
and this wound it hums
the way you used to breathe beside me.

I keep replaying this song
Like an idiot
Because I want this wound to hurt
Because part of me keeps thinking
If I bleed enough thru these words
you’ll crawl back in this bridge.

But, may be you never will
May be I never will…
May be we never will!

Until then
its the same chorus
the same words
the same echo
those memories …
the same ache so loud that
it makes me dizzy!

I hate this song
I hate it so much
It makes me miss you so bad
To a point
that I am nauseous …:

And yet,
I replay it
Again!

Remember when we were wild and free with
those many dreams to chase..
So unfraid and so untamed
Ready to take over what comes through life?

But then you arrived…
with your small hands curling in ours…
With soft breaths and whispers
Your tiny little hands and feets..
Soft touches and snifles…
You looked at us like we were your everything
And at that moment may be we knew..
Love was no longer just about us!

So, Since then
We learnt the quiet language of sacrifice
exchanging our untamed dreams
for dreams of your better tomorrow..
Exchanging our late night laughters
for those lullabies of yours…
trading our outside lives once for all
for the inside rhythms of home…

We softened…
We stayed quiet even when our temperatures flared..
We learnt to let go of things..
Of things that once bothered us so much…
We let go of battles that once defined us
No,  not because we stopped feeling
but because
you were always watching!

Between our silences,
We built something enduring
It is may be not that of a perfect world..
But in this world,
We learnt to let go few pieces of ourselves
So that you’d never have to carry that weight;
Weight of our unmet desires…
And
We learnt not to lose ourselves
but to make room for you!

And may be one day when you are grown,
You’ll just get it..
That sometimes love is not just about winning..
Love is always not reckless, not wild..
But rather very difficult…
Thats why even when we are struggling
We choose to stay again and again!
Because when we look at you…
We see the reason
We make room for love in a different way!

Have you ever missed someone so much?
That you play their favorite song on loop.
This love is really something you can never undo,
The melody of the song, it lingers through
Etching our memories to the air;
Memories of us hand in hand in the same road…
I open my eyes and you are no longer there.

I play your favorite song to remember you
Every note and word pulls me closer
I feel you so near to me for a moment ;
but then I open my eyes and
the silence reminds me you are gone!

I see the reflection of us;
When we were so lost in the melody
Hands in each other’s, spinning slow
Running, dancing, so breathless with joy
never thinking we’d have to go.

I know you are not here, but your smell;
It still lingers in the air,
in this song, in every sigh
Time can never take your memories from me, my love,
You live in these songs that make me cry.

A thing called love- you used to say
And
Nothing is so sharper than goodbye…
I know you are gone and may be you’ll never be back…
But I’ll always always keep you near…
in this song in my heart that will never die.

It felt like a dream sometimes…
You and me!
I closed the book and moved away,
I thought we were two parallel lines.
and Our story in the test of time;
It just couldn’t stay!

Time passed and years flew,
Our story broke and our pages torn,
My words had faded but your ink still run…
Little did I know,
Between all these years and frozen memories
Our story was waiting to be reborn!

And then one day …
I travelled the same roads again,
looking for you in the places we were,
You were standing there with arms open
your voice was different yet still the same
And suddenly ,
my heart…
it was longing to see you and embrace your name.

I thought we were drawn as parallel lines,
unbent, unswayed , untouched
Together forever but never home
but then I saw you…
I was wrong all along the way
we were not parallel lines …
theres a magnetic pull to us…
A different kind of force,
running through our past lives
that always draws us to the same old course.

We are not lines, we never were…
infact we are a circle wide and vast
A stubborn thread that keeps looping in…
A loop through our futures and past,
An open circle, running thru the test of time
May be some wrong turns…
but hearts that always yearn…

Then I saw you and the circle closed,
We are no longer lost in the lines…
Like lovers from last life….
Our story carved thru fragments of time…
Two hearts, fully in love and free…
no longer bound by lines but infinity!

In a distance lives someone,
In a universe parallel to yours
Living a life so alike
Like Parallel lines, not even a dot of difference
Listens to the same midnight songs and stories,
A person, different dimensions but similar emotions
Who loves your favorite actor and artist the same
who thinks the same, who sings the same
A person who you'd spend the entire night with
watching the stars in the sky
someone who'd travel insanely with you
someone you'd share your smiles and crazy laughs with
Both inside and outside of the photographs
but do you really have a choice or are you destined?
That someone from the parallel world
that someone impossible
someone you'll just quite never meet
someone you'll probably miss until forever
Cause you see the things about parallel lines?
They never meet. ......

Retracing my way out where I belong,
Re road mapping the roads I walked,
Under the sun, beyond the clouds
Below the light, away from the dark
A piece of the soul,
An intensity of delight,
Stream of thoughts, forthcoming thoughts!
A puzzle solved. (Period)
Walking ways
Twisted, yet simple
Playing parts.  
A piece so small, an impact so big.
No words,
;
An umbrella covering the void,
Makes no sense, but can be felt
No completeness for the sake of the surrounding
Neither none or everything. ✨

The unavoidable void


A hole in the heart
An unavoidable void
You are always afraid of it
It is endless, you thrive to fill it
By luck sometimes and by your skill
The need to fill this void
Makes you so desperate
You forget that,
It's absence is your existence
And much more than thousand words
Speaks your loud silence.

Thousand meters from the ground, at the rooftop
She stood up staring at that darkness
Darkness, that surrounded the city..
Thinking about life and what she lost
Little sparkles of light went up
Like a tangent to the city's circle
Too beautiful yet too small to cover up!
To cover up her thoughts of being the only one
She absorbs the dusk.
"BLACK" "There's nothin' left." She says,
Looks around hates the wind, everything
She loses her mind in her head's black
But then looks back to the depth to get back
She was once 'alive and deep.'
Reality pauses a while, time seems stand and still
Motionless, yet she swims to the depth
No matter how black, hurt or dead.
For darkness was never worth the soul's depth.

The ink revealed all my sealed joys
"I love you like the sea loves the shore."
But waves were drowing the shore,
And then the midnight moon comes into play
They say drowning is blind,
Little do they know
Blind are those, who never drown
If and mays come into play
"May I drown in the sea of your love?"
"What if the waves drown you?"
But...
What if I really want to swim in
What if I want to get pulled in
To the deepest parts
What if the current of those waves
Take me somewhere
A complete else where
From the real world
Where it can be just you and me.

A misty, windy evening
She glances out through the window
She thinks of her life,
All the way she has been through
She smiles wide
Her childhood surprises her
She feels like it was a fantasy
She remembers it's innocence,
The fearless and the careless days,
Her lips widen :)
The day is so faint, so colorless
Yet, it brings so much to her
Like she is related by blood to the day,
She breathes it's air
She feels the wind
that strikes her skin and her feelings,
She remembers the place she was born
She remembers her home and origin
She remembers the struggle she has made
And she puts up a smile onto her face.
There's lightning and there's thunder
All of a sudden,
Raindrops pour down the earth
She smells her roots with the drops
She is overwhelmed
She watches the raindrops
Slowly and silently getting absorbed by the earth
Giving the earth it's greenery, it's lost color
And it's sense of life.
It makes her feel like
Her struggle and her tears are also accepted
In the same way like the raindrops
Giving her life it's meaning
Transforming her into better each day
Making her learn the lessons of life
Making her stronger and tougher
And above all,
Making her smile each day with all the remembrances and reminiscences.

And I can't
I caN'T mAke YOu sEe wHaT I See ;
THe hOrroR, tHe chaNce oF caTaStrophe :(
YOu liSten tO tHat whiCh wiLL iNevitablY cRy
AnD I aM a LiE, ThR in uR miNd :(
NOw

FEel tHe freeFaLL
GEt hiGh fRom geTtinG loW

Indeed, it is lifeless
But it gives life to her hopes.
It is a witness;
Witness of her all time pains.
It is her friend whom
She shares her thoughts with.
She looks into a distance
Upto the place her eyes can see,
Tears flow down vigourously.
Yet, hope remains deep down the heart.
It shines;
Along with it shine her faiths,
Her faiths would have died a long ago
If it did not exist.
She gazes into its light,
It says to her,"your wait is not wasted."
She strengthens...
She grows stronger with the words.
When everything faded away,
When darkness covered the dawn of life,
When there was shadow all over,
It had helped her fight;
Fight with the pessimism of life.
To the rest of the world,
It was just a piece of mud.
But to her,
It was 'THE DIYO'
Her courage, her belief and her faith
Whose never ending light
Would provide her
A reason to fight and survive.

Battered, broken, bumps and bruises
A cracked perfection......
Still burnt brighter than the sun,
Was still as placid as the moon
Despite all unknown unannounced disasters
The dark night, barking dogs and howling owls
She had a touch of the entire world,
Even though filled with toxins and tars
Also the reminisces and all those plastic memories
Hid under cloths were maps to places, nobody knows...
Were the scars on the skin, scars on the soul
Scars on the outside, scars that bloomed from the within  
Finding ways from those dreamy eyes to that pointed chin
Told stories of her existence;
Some unheard, some unwritten and some totally unseen..

He’s not mad nor a murderer
He doesn’t crave any violence
Nor his principles ask for any
He pleads, prays and bows down
No, he doesn’t have an appetite of flesh
Nor a thirst for any blood
He wants the same thing
Just like most of you want..
“To raise his families in peace.”  
Just like you all, he also exists
The difference is- his religion doesn’t
Not at least in the minds of his fellow people
A man, Just because
He chose/inherited to bow head instead of join hands,
Is forced to lay down with lifelessness
Amidst the prayers of good life and prosperity
“Is he allowed to speak?”  
“Yes or No, if he does he’s a terrorist.”
Little did that three year old
Laying lifeless in front of his own Masjid knew
His white hat would bring so much despair,
Which even a million apologies can never repair.

Swimming like a ship-wreck, walking like a dead man alive,
Annoyed, depressed and mentally disturbed
There is a lot of nuisance inside my head
I look into a world around me: a mad one, a sad one, a bad one
Which looks at me like a monster,
Puts shame on me but sets my culprit free
The rain down the windows replicate tears on my face,
No, I don’t belong there, No, I don’t!
Like a restless fish just taken out of water,
I am searching for my home back…………
But I sleep with a nightmare – I have to
My dreams break, My virtues fail
I wanted to grow and set out to adventures
But you stab me in my heart, everywhere else
It’s so ****** painful, it’s a crap, a nuisance
I am killed, I am dead but I can see you
I can see this world
My sullen face, My blood-sworn glare;
Each degree of rising temperature of my body
Every piercing and tearing of the layers of my skin,
Now, Do I cry or I die? My worth has diminished.
All my faiths have been sold for pennies instead
Ready to haunt, play with my innocence
Dominating my reality, with greed and ***** tricks
Deception, mockery and life’s harmony: dissonance!

What does Abstract look like?
I sit by the window at night,
With warm toes and a freezing nose.
Ever wondered why you like coffee so much?
So cold and bitter to start your day.
Or may be truth is bitter, isn’t it?
Or may be the bitterness wakes you up
And I have this strange feeling.
Have you not died infinite times in your miseries?
Or at least even felt like so once?
So, what does this “Nirvana” look like?
Why are there so many differences?
Isn’t it just one life that we live?
Walking on very different paths,
But don’t we have the same age math?
Aren’t roadmaps going to merge
Different boats, same ocean, same destination
Never enough! Never enough!!!
Stand tall or stand short
Well, don’t you stand on the same ground?
“Coffee” or “Chai”? “Empty” or “Full”
anywhere on this earth, Is there a place you can run?
Except for the shadow of the sun?