my eyes glaze over
ice burns my soul
another countless night passes
out here on this road

Looking Up
I see your soft face smiling down at me

I thought the fears would always haunt me
But at night, they never will
For you will always shine your stolen light on me

I can see the dusty features and dark flecks on your face
They do not scare me
Instead, they fill me with hope

Then, I no longer can
Light engulfs me and everything around me
Even you

I hold back tears
Because you gave me hope
And I will see you again

First Impressions
A funny thing
Why does the first time you see me
Define me
Why will that forever affect your thoughts
Of me
And why are they so hard to change

It isnt fair
That you take second chances
All for yourself
And leave nothing for others

I want people to see the truth
Of me
Of others
And of themselves

First Impressions

Blazing heart of gold
Can't puncture diamond
But the sunlight can see weakness

Only safe at night

There comes a time where one will win
The others left to pay for sins
They did not do
They did nothing

Did I forget?
Did I let go?
Wasnt I there when you needed me most?
All those promises
Each and every one
I followed my heart and didn't run
Did you forget?
Did you let go?
You weren't there when I needed you most
All those promises
Each and every one
You followed what?
I saw you run

Chin up high
Even though you did this
How many will die, until you notice?
So many smiles are gone
Too many tears fall wronged
How much will we pay?
Until you take this away
COVID-19
We are a team
You will fall
We will stand
Hand in hand

For reasons unknown
My mind is always filled with darkness
Im always alone
But I am not heartless

I want to see light
But my mind is buried too deep
I have no sight
So I only weep

Maybe I dont deserve it
And Ill be here forever
But I always show grit
No matter, wherever

Say goodbye
Maybe Ill see you one day
That is a lie
Only I would say

A melody fills my head
So dark
Yet so sweet

It draws those near me closer
It pushes those far from me further

But it doesnt let them see
This mystical beauty
This enchanting sorceress
This magical creature

And it doesnt let me feel
Worthy
Trust
Love

So in the end who wins?

This melody that fills my head
Is dark
Yet sweet

But its taken over
Their mind
And soon
Mine too

When someone says my name
Every nerve in my body turns on

Why?

Because whatever follows is rarely meaningful

Why is it that you can
Wish for things you have never felt

How is it that I can
Wish for something I have never experienced

Is it possible
Is there a chance
Even the slightest

That one day
Someday
I will have it
Right next to me

A friendship
So strong
Neither of us could break it
Even if we tried

Hidden behind walls
Wearing a mask
Lurking in the shadows
Is
Me

I am her
That girl
Who has never has laughed
Who never lets the sparkles into her eyes
Who never takes a chance on anyone

But the truth is
I once did
But I was shut down
I was pushed away
I was closed out

And now I want to
Laugh, sparkle, and trust
But how can I
When I have forgotten the way
And there is no one to lead me

They all began behind the same line.
He knew that.
But.
They didn’t begin at the same time.
For them the gunshot was earlier.
Now.
It came too late for him.
Or so he thought.
Every race.
The gunshot wouldn’t come to him until it was too late.
Too Late.
But was it?
No.
He didn’t know.
Everyone’s came at different times.
Now he knows.
Not only this, but something else too.
Even if it only came too late for him, it was okay.
Too late was his now.

When the universe is against you
When your story's untold
Will I be there by you?
Or will I stray from home?
I know who you are
But you know who I was
Would you forgive me if you knew what I'd done?
I can see how this unfolds
I know where the path goes
But I am not with you
Or will you tempt me to go?
I must not go with you
What follows will come
Nothing but tragedy
I was never that dumb

I tried to call out your name
But I guess it never came
Am I invisible to you?
Or do you just see the same?
I know that I am different
So all Im gonna ask
Is for you to show me who you are
I know youre wearing a mask
Maybe it's everyone
Maybe its me
But when all my thoughts are swirling
I dont become dizzy
My world becomes small
The universe explodes
Will you hold my hand
Or will you let go

Next to her.
Behind her.
Above her.
Below her.
Everywhere.
Guilt.
The words, there's nothing you could have done, echo in her mind.
She doesn't believe them.
Because she knows she could have saved him.
His soft blue eyes stare at her.
She won't apologize because she had to.
But that doesn't mean she will forgive herself.
Ever.

Everyone has secrets,
That I know
Me included
But mine dont show
All caught up in their "drama"
They dont notice my pain
That my biggest secret
Is when I feign
Not standing alone
Having friends
Being known
Please make amends

Words can never hurt me
But physical touch can
The bruises on my body
Came long before I ran
I thought closeness was love
But now I see
You are just a part of
Hurting me

They can tell me what to do
But I will not move
They can tell me what say
But I will speak the truth
They can tell me what to think
But I will listen to my heart, head, and soul
Truth be told
You are nothing but an obstacle
One I shouldve moved past long ago

Sometimes i feel like im the only one

No matter how I try to explain it
I cant

No matter how I try to describe it
I cant

No matter how hard I try to get others to feel it
I cant

I've always been different,
haven't I?

Yes

Walking towards the unknown
Seeing nothing familiar
Then
Suddenly I see you
No,
I do not really know you
And no,
You do not really know me
But
You're presence is enough
I tap you
On the shoulder
You turn and smile
Im greeted by love
Even though you do not really know me
You love me
Our friendship is enough

I step towards the crowd
Surrounded by
High fives
and
Grinning faces
One stands out though
It is mine
Unlike the others
I do not make eye contact
I do not smile
I do not walk towards
I walk away
From pain
From heartbreak
From betrayal
Maybe one day
This road will lead me
Somewhere far far away
Where I am
Myself
And I can
Be okay with that

From behind
I hear a whisper
Barely audible
Is my mind a trickster
I turn to look back
But see no one
I know I lack
The things they see
But does that mean
Im not pretty
In the corner I spy
Something standing
Wide eyed
I quickly glance away
from the fear
of him knowing Im a stray
Yes he does
really see me
But thats cause
Im a real beauty

Sitting.
No one notices.
Standing.
No one cares.
One step back.
Two steps back.
A glance or two.
On the edge.
Sorries.
Two hands.
Desperate words.
One hand.
Crying.
Nothing.
Screams.
Not in her head, but in reality.

Used to be there.
Now she is here.
A moon.
Never seen unless shone upon.
No one knows where she came from.
Across the ocean?
High in the sky?
The top of the mountain?
Didn't matter.
No one saw.
No one noticed.
A question unsolved.
The answer never sought because she was invisible.
Like a chameleon on a tree.
A bird in the sky.
Stars at dawn.
Until the sun came.
The sun’s rays blinded her at first.
Too much.
But then it shone upon her.
Invisible no more.

Broken?
Yes.
So she takes it to the fixer.
Broken?
Yes.
So he takes it to the fixer.
The Fixer doesn’t let anyone down.
It fixes the broken, and heals the breakable.
Broken?
Yes.
So it fixes and heals.
Because it is the Fixer.
No one can fix it or heal it.
Because no one knows the Fixer can be broken.