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 Oct 2013 Life's a Beach
AM
I did not even know the man
I only glimpsed his face
But since 5:30 this afternoon
He is all that has consumed my thoughts

I saw his last moments
I watched them play out before me
As his car swerved into the next lane and
Off the road
As the trees enveloped him and hid him from view

The rest was a blur

My father and two workmen
Good Samaritans who gave no second thought
To their own safety
As they hurried across the road to save the life of the stranger
Who was breathing his final breaths

I wondered what he was thinking
What he was feeling
In those final moments
Who were the faces that swirled through his brain
As his final tears streamed down his bruised and ****** face
Did he know people cared
Enough to save a man
They did not even know?
Or did he feel alone,
Did he feel no one would weep in his absence?

Volunteers tossed branches aside
As thorns cut into their thighs and sweat trickled down their faces
They threw the driver's side door open and I watched their faces grow solemn

His last breaths were ones of agony
And then he felt nothing

Time of death, 5:30 PM

I hope he knew that someone cared
I hope he knew he wasn't alone
And though I do not know him
Though I barely glimpsed his face
I hope he knows that I will never forget him
For he will be the reason
I begin to truly live
 Oct 2013 Life's a Beach
R
Untitled
 Oct 2013 Life's a Beach
R
i told you i was happy
that it was the weekend.
you then asked me why.
i said it was because i
have been deprived of
sleep lately and you
replied with a sigh.
you said i seemed tired
but then you asked
if i was okay.
i said im not to sure cause
its changes every day.

you asked me if i knew why i
couldnt sleep lately and i
honestly said i didnt know
why.
hmmm would it be wise
to start calling you adam?

r.a.
 Oct 2013 Life's a Beach
R
so happy that you gave me
extra credit.
i was literally crying because of
the B i got on the test today
and then you realized how much
i wanted that A, so you
let me have it.

oh dear god, thank you!
im just so happy, ah!
this is really bad but i dont even care cause im just soooo happy ah thank you mr.k ahhhhh
Oh, will you ever return to me,
My wild first force, will you return
When the old madness comes to
Blacken in me and to burn
Slow in my brain like a slow fire
In a blackened brazier - dull
like a smear of blood,
Humid and hot evil, slow-sweltering
up in a flood!
Oh, will you not come back, my fierce song?
Jubilant and exultant, triumphing over
the huge wrong
of that slow fire of madness that feeds
on me - the slow mad blood
thick with its hate and evil, sweltering
up in its flood!
Oh! will you not purge it from me -
my wild lost flame?
Come and restore me, save me from the
intolerable shame
Of that huge eye that eats into my
Naked body constantly
And has no name,
Gazing upon me from the immense and
Cruel bareness of the sky
That leaves no mercy of concealment
That gives no promise of revealment
And that drives us on forever with its
lidless eye
Across a huge and houseless level of
a planetary vacancy
Oh, wild song and fury, fire and flame,
Lost magic of my youth return, defend
me from this shame!
And Oh! You golden vengeance of bright
song
Not cure but answer to earth's wrong
 Oct 2013 Life's a Beach
goatgirl
since i decided that the chain was too short
and the anchor i had attached myself to
was pulling me under

it's been Three Months since I've sharply inhaled and
let go of the rope
and stood slack-jawed
and in awe
at the calm with which you watched it suddenly go limp in your relaxed palms,
and then shrugged,
and retreated.

Three Months since I've turned my head toward the horizon
and rubbed the tension of staring at a backward-moving object
from my weary neck.

Three Months of my infatuation worming its way back into more isolated parts of my mind,
and festering in my body,
becoming quiet--
like the absence of a laugh track
while the film keeps playing.

And I feel like I am still holding my breath.
It's different now because I finally see the pattern.
Breathe easily,
       breathe excitedly,
gasp,
hold your breath,
                  feel it abruptly leave your body as you deflate
find your breath again,
                  have it stolen from you once more

The question is: what will lure my lungs back into blissful submission again? And how much time am I left with to enjoy my returned sanity?

And if you came back,
I think it would feel like a falling dream.
I think I am in the falling dream.
I am grasping and flailing and fearing the crash,
everything becoming a quickening blur of
irrational analysis and false epiphanies,
an asymptote approaching demise...
until
i wake up
(and realize that I never really was falling).

Only to have the ground snatched from under my feet once again
but instead of down, I will go up.
(and then down again)
I wish I wasn't familiar with this pattern.
 Oct 2013 Life's a Beach
r
You make me crazy
Make thoughts hazy
Can't concentrate at work
Sleeping is a quirk
You make me crazy
Keep it up

r
 Oct 2013 Life's a Beach
R
there once was a girl
who was an artist, but
here's the twist
a razor was her paintbrush
and the canvas was her
wrist.

"Ugly" "Fat" "Worthless"
they were written
word for word
nobody thought otherwise
after-all, that girl is so
happy, that'd be
absurd.

one night it was raining
and the thoughts became
to much
she reached for her
blades and blood
poured out with just
one touch.

the next morning her
parents found her,
it was an "accident"
they would say.
because after-all,
whould'a thought that
their happy daughter
wasn't okay?

She fought endlessly for
her life, but it
was all to much to
handle
little did she know that
she'd be one of many in
this suicide
scandal.
first stanza is from tumblr and i decided to add a twist, i have no idea who the original owner of the first stanza is but i hope its okay that i tweaked it a bit to use it. thank you and have a nice time reading, please comment!! thanks!
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