Let me kiss you like Holden kissed Jane.
Cause you never seem to feign
in making me blush
so just hush
before I turn to mush

I don't know
whether I'm gonna cry or throw up
I don't know
If I even care
I don't know
If you care either.

This is too much

**** everything.

Time for a new mask.

Hopefully this one doesn't get me into trouble.

so one time i wrote this poem
it was like more then 20 lines long
and no one read it
haha
ha
yeah
good times

Sometimes
   I feel
   that its not okay
   to be sad

Sometimes
   I feel
   so angry
   because that's not fair

Most of the time
   honestly
   I don't even care
   at all

Dear Mom,

Just because work starts at 1:00
doesn't mean you need to stay in bed until 12:00

Be a ******* mother.

Nothing gets better
and then I **** it up
even more.
I deserve to
be alone
but I don't
want to be.

This cold day of snow
seemed fun at first, now it blows.
I'm bored, got nothing to do
taught myself binary, 10110 is 22.
I have an essay I need to rewrite
typing this up brings me more delight.
have a slight headache, I'm buzzy with sleep.
Where's the sanity I've been trying to keep?

Ears to eyes and neck
lips on every speck
stopping now and then to check
is this real? oh what the heck
I give in to my freck-
-le flavored fantasy.

i'm tired of these
black mascara tears
dripping down my face

Sometimes I wish people
didnt write such sad things
they really
                  bring
                           me
                                down.

Do you ever wonder what it's like to love yourself?
To be completely at peace with who you are inside and out?

Bored boredom is boring
through my mind
And random thoughts are soaring
on a straight line
They're luring  
Ideas a million at a time

And its destroying
My chance at making
So I better start toying
around with faking
Before I sound annoying
And tell you that I'm breaking

desperate desperation despair
weak weaknesses weakening
breaking broke broken
I'm not asking you to understand

I just don't understand why you seem mad when I'm sad

What the **** did I do?

downed the green pill
with gulp of cheap iced tea
i feel it warm my body
Tired, i'm done
Feeling guilty today
i think I'll just sleep

My brain feels squished
to be happy is what I wished
for, and now
I don't know how
to stop the thoughts incessantly
screaming that I'm a phony.
It's not fair
I wanna care
about everything besides myself
but I've been in the back of the shelf
long enough
to keep trying to be tough
for others surrounding.
Instead I'm drowning
to keep them afloat
dear God, where's my rescue boat?

As I lie here in the Grass
waiting for the days to pass
I get an idea that's quite crass:
How you dance with all that Sass
makes me want to grab your ***.

You love me?
no.
But you want me.
yes that's it
you want me.
because when i'm with you
i am small.
i can't help but be a different person.
someone who likes to be told what to do.
i get my fix of sorry feeling.
i get to be punished and pulled apart
until i'm nothing but your words and ideas
i deserve to feel like trash.
i deserve to be your pet.
you ground me.
second guessing every move is intoxicating.
being unsure makes rattles my chest
keeps me on my feet and somewhat scared
of you
and of what can happen
if i keep on listening
saying no feels wrong but still you coddle me
asking why and disappearing to let me know
i have things to work out.
i'm a mess
you foster this in me by speaking empathy.
youre a mess too.
lets be a mess together.

you know
people could call this abuse
but somehow for some godforsaken reason
i eat it up
for those few moments you make me feel good
you tell me who i am
i need that right now
i need you to tell me who i am
over analyze my every word
tell me my symptoms
lets bask in our insane abilities
where your knowledge gives you the upper foot

why do i want you
why do i want this
whywhywhy do i NEED it some days more then others
your validation is a terrible drug
i can't stand it
leave me alone but
don't leave me

I'm sorry
it won't happen again

mean eyebrows
mean cheek bones
angry shoulders
cocky attitude
Not so great at math

Why do I find you so alluring?

There's no point.




                            None.

I wish to feel the warmth I see in pictures.
bright sunny sunshine beats down on two.
they must be in love, well, at least they look it.
Why don't I get to feel that?
Don't I deserve to find someone?
to not feel so alone?

I'd apologize for my apodyopsis,
but how would you ever know?

fell into a black hole
pain weighed me down
but eventually I started to climb out
I could see the sun, hear the chirpy birds
and then
you dragged me back in
deeper then I'd ever been before
the walls crashed around me
so that I was buried
buried and so very alone

I want to see the sun again
I want to be over this
I want to run away

But I am stuck.

you sarcastic, short, cutiepie
when I say this I do not lie
I love ya more then stars in the the sky
or money spent so Hib can get high
all I have to say now is goodbye

I'm tired
and strangely wired,
But I'd really like it
if you cuddled me tight.

My mind is blurry
I'm feeling buzzy,
you're the only thing
that makes me feel right.

Dear You-know-who-you-are,
Thank you for everything
you've done and said
to me over the years.
It is very rare to experience
a love (if it was for you; it was for me)
so true and real and deep
these words are not enough to express
how much you mean, meant, and will always mean to me.
No..they are merely raindrops in the sea.
Because not a thing has been created
to give you a proper translation yet.

So just kiss me.

Let yourself melt against me
so I can transfer my feelings through
moving lips and body heat.

Love, you-know-who-I-am

You might think this is about you,
but I promise it's not.

My heart goes crazy,
explodes with a million butterflies
that carry me away
with those stupid phrases
said oh so often
but always feel oh so special.

You might think this is about you,
but I promise it's not.

Sunset paradise
that gleams in those eyes
and takes me on
the most lavish of vacations
in a single blink.

You might think this is about you,
but I promise it's not.

Skin-soft brush
against me
shoots electric through my fingertips
and jolts my heart,
leaving me dizzy,
wanting more.

You might think this is about you,
but I promise it's not.

Long afternoons spent
in conversation quicksand
"the less you struggle, the less you'll sink"
but no matter how still I stand,
I fall deeper,
understanding and accepting
that there is no escape from this.

You might think this is about you,

but I wish it wasn't.

She knows
                  she knows
                                    what you did, Daddy

and you're wrong
                          no longer can you
               be my hero

The lies you told
                      and things you stole
   brought you down
                                          to zero
                                                            ­                                               she knows
                                                           ­                                she knows
                                                           ­ she'll never not know