ExCludeD excLudeD excLuDed .
When I tell you I feel so excluded
Always looked at from the inside
When I’m looking in on the outside
Are you ******* happy now
Expect cooperation with out even a sound
When you feel the need to be controlling
If only you knew but I don’t think you care about the rolling
Tears from my eyes
Poetry hasn’t come out for a long time lost between the lines
If only I could rewind
All the moments
You made me feel like ****
And I will never feel like your equivalent
If I could say I don’t hate you a little bit id lie
You can’t look me in my eye
Why
Do you feel the need to treat me like a child
Like my mind is mild
Treat my words like they are idle
When you are constantly unaware of the trials
Maybe I don’t tell you cause you don’t see my pain
Each thing I feel you think of it in vein
Lack of substance or worth that’s how you feel
Most times more than I like.. cannot heal
i don’t gaf how she feels I heard what you said
Those words loud and clear repeat through my head
I pray  against the spirt of not feeling good enough
When its you most days who make me feel rough
You shush my words then say I feel invisible
Then you turn around and act so insensible
Unaware of the things you do but I don’t speak
For a long time thought it cause I was weak
But maybe its because I can hold on and make it seem so calm
When I can Chanel everything in the mist of palms
I love and I hate
What to do at this rate
You wonder why I don’t speak when I feel like the main ones don’t listen
I silence  you all wonder why while in inner spirts are hissin
Louder and louder
I hate my encounters…

I hate it all . . .

Only because it takes time and thought to write down these heavy motions
Traveling deep like the unknown depths of the ocean
Feeling the need to tell a story
Enhanced by the things that must truly adore me

She was fenced in feeling tethered to every feeling and every touch received
Actions my reaction had me constantly battling the importance of my needs
Half uncared for and half never seen
Not my best move counteract with drugs that make me lean
And my drowsyness undoing the thread that holds my face together at the seams

My muscles slowly begin to relax
And I pray not to become addicted like a relapse
The tip of my nose to the end point of my cheeks
The itch travels as my body reaches peak
Down to my chin that I always swipe too forcefully
Becoming a too well known course for me
Heartbeats that now glitch
Treating narcotics as if they’ve become the perfect switch

From people to pills
Replacing all the small thrills
If I could feel this way with out them.. the things id ****
The attentiveness id steal
Only to be lost in a place that’s not real

The depression hits like a Mac truck
The vision of you once left me star struck
At one moment I use to become nervous
But it ends in shambles and I know you’ve heard this

Now I won’t lift my head when you walk by
And to face my essence you don’t dare try
Its not like I felt it in my chest
Its just you did things unlike the rest
And I didn’t miss the emotions but the feeling
The feeling of my dominant side nealing
I shouldn’t let go from one day
But I missed how it felt to be looked at a certain way
I missed the warmth of a body
But continue to treat emotions like a hobby
Only in it for the attention
But to learn you emotionally is something my core Never fails to mention
I yearn to be close
And it may seems like I want relations to most
Regardless of how much I press the feelings away I still manage a way to become distressed
And now my eye lids hang low in the day and I clench my pillow at night because my heart doesn’t know how to let go of the stress
You mean nothing to me but you wouldn’t even face my way
You mean nothing to me but my aura cringed in dismay
But it always ends up like this right
It goes wrong I don’t know why
I lay in the darkness until my sadness drifts me off to sleep into the night
My body my body I refuse to give
But to be submissive in my actions may be a part I can’t relive
Skin to skin yearning to feel comfortable with someone
****** up and now the walk back has me being the dumb one
And now I know not only to block of my feelings
But to let no one in regardless of the size of the dealings
I don’t know why it hurts because for you I don’t care
But maybe because in your eyes I understand how you became aware
Aware of my presence my name
And how from the beginning you moved like a lame
Maybe im weird cause I don’t just wanna ****
But thinking about laying in your arms leaves me stuck
Thinking about how you tasted like the sweetest nothing
your fingers to my lips like sweet serotonin sips
If I lie say im bluffing
And how I remember the small details like looking in your eyes
Or when our lips collide
Your face was so intune with your lids closed
With a emotion plastered on your face I can’t explain but wish I could hold
Maybe I look too deep into expression
Cause what I want it seems like in never gettin
Im tying not to be the bitter *****
But in the simulation there’s got to be a glitch
I told you I don’t do this
Im not use to this
To show you physical and hold you I guess  is my only usefulness
Im so much more in my intimacy
Its so much more that was sent in me
How you don’t want to hurt feelings but don’t think before you speak
And only cease when your interest peaks  
I fool my self thinking one time once day it could be different
Like I don’t peep the actions or intent
Here’s to never getting it right
Even when I don’t  want relations in sight
Here to looking like a fool
Each action I look to and ridicule
Cheers to the bottle I constantly fill but never open
But to tame it here and now this is my only notion

I don’t cry
But today the floods of oceans
cover my eyes
There’s time I’ve forced myself for a release to feel
But like 3 tears and a internal feeling of numbness doesn’t really help the process of trying to heal
My face my eyes red
Sheer moments of feeling dead
Eyes that normally have a smile bright
Now swollen with pain
Acting as if I’m crying in the night
no on asks if I’m okay and I wonder do they see me in my brain
But I can’t be sane
I get too caught up in the rain
Too caught up in the people that cause me pain
Be my mains
And you know they all act the same
But who am I to complain

Introvert .
Ive been feeling so many emotions lately
Some say i do some i don’t show my emotions on my face blatantly
If i do i can not tell
As if I’m actually shoving the emotions down well
Lately I’ve felt broken
So many life occurrences I’m choking
Fake love I’ve felt from people i claim to be the closest to
But to forgive and forget I cannot make it through


You finesse me as if you have no means
When you can ask my help for anything
You steal from me take from me deceive me
And claim family as what you’re supposed to be
You only love me when it Benefits your pockets
You do me so wrong hurt me to my core my emotions take off like rockets
You treat me as if you don’t appreciate me
Take all your anger out on me
Tell me you don’t mean to hurt my feelings as if it changes


Tiring going through these exchanges
Exchanges of emotions that mean nothing as soon as the conversation ends
And between my hurt heart and my daily life i have to blend
I hold on to everything and hold it all in till it blows
Once i hit that point all it can do is show
One day ill wake up and not take no more
And my tears I constantly hold back will hit the floor
Its not healthy its not kind
To think in a way closing up is me losing my mind
Its unhealthy not to speak but what if no one listens
An odd ball in a world of people who glisten
Feeling as if I could vanish with out a care
No one would care if turned into straight air
Surely many will disagree
But you cant tell me anything when i see how people treat me



The quicker it comes the faster it goes
And right now its what I need to know

Are you gonna hurt me?

Time
Passing time
Each time I see you the feeling becomes more sublime
Im afraid when I think I won’t see you having to rely on the images in my mind
How could I feel this way
on the topic of emotions there was nothing to say
All about what I feel
Through trials and tribulations and I have to heal
All on how all I do is confuse
To your inner being I don’t want to abuse
You don’t deserve
All the things I preserve
And each day I continue to play the fool
And seeing you it adds more fuel
On how I cant contain myself when you walk in the room
To only wish I could sweep my emotions up like a broom
Im conflicted
Contradicted
Because you say
Then act a way
My mind goes astray
The tension could make me cry today