since you left
i’ve started
listening to more of the bands you like
watching the shows you always talked about
romanticising everyday a little bit more
writing about you loads more in my journal
started looking for you in everyone
(we know i looked for you in everyone from the very start)
started smoking your ****** tobacco
i even started drinking coffee
i’d do anything to feel like i was close to you

it takes everything in me
not to show up at your door
with tears in my eyes
begging you to come back
but then you get mean
and i have to tell myself
i don’t care about you
that i hate you
that i can’t forgive you
but we both know
that you were forgiven the second it happened
and that all i want is to be with you

i thought of you
when i pulled the blade across my skin
i would bleed myself dry if you asked me too
but you won’t look at me anymore
so all i have is this blade and these ****** thoughts

there will always be a void in me now
it won’t ever be filled
i don’t think i want it to be though
i want to keep it empty
in hopes of you coming back
to fill it up again