I sit alone
In the shell of what was
Contemplating how it was I got here

Head and heart vacated
Thoughts and emotions left to aimlessly swirl
A void devoid of direction and motion

When did I lose sight of the door
Was it always gone from the time I entered
And when did it reappear

What will I see when I open it again
Will those I knew still be there
Is the world the same place I left

And what of those I could hear while trapped
Those that left when I disappeared
How could I expect them to find me again

What happened
Where did I go wrong
Who am I now.

Questions move and flow
In a constant flurry
And still I’m just left with how.

How did I get here
What did I do
Or maybe it was unstoppable

Where once I found security
Now I find dispare;

Where have I become to little,
Or where was I never there.

There are no words.
...

Maybe someday I will find them

Why?
Why do you follow me wherever I go?
You **** five of pentacles
Are behind every corner.

How many readings?
Every one for the past month(or more?)
The **** five of pentacles
chase me no more.

What are you trying to tell me?
Something in my nature?
Anxiety, I already know.
Show the five of pentacles no more.

But still it appears.
Why now? what is wrong now?
Are the five telling me
Of other things as well?

Heed its warning.
Fix my problems.
Is the five of pentacles gone now?
No. Always. Present.

The five of pentacles
Imagery burned into my skull
A wilted rose or travelers in the cold
Torment me no more.

Alone,
A walk in the night
Cool, calm, solitary.

Darkness as I walk,
The cool night air
Envelops, absorbs.

My mind drifts,
I become the darkness
My feet lift from the ground.

Drifting in a starless night,
Wishing to disappear
As does the darkness at dawn.

Suddenly pulled to earth,
A car drives by.
Then, once again

Alone, in the darkness I walk.
Alone, with the drifting of my mind.
Alone, in cold air and black night.