there are nights when my
knees write treaties on the floor —
of my surrender

like the constant tug
of February 30
I end up c𖦹nfused

if you didn't sleep
last night, did today ever
turned to tomorrow

is it because I
have yet to taste that I have
yet to
           understand

Dear Finch; Connor;

I'm not sorry you did it
but I'm sorry we failed you.

Sincerely,
LL

To Cristoforo,

It's often silent — but it's there,
the cannons aimed above our heads
under their white flags and olive branch.

Love,
LL

there is a void in
his shape within me — and there
are these spaces he
left wide open — places that
I have not learned to close yet

high noon, I waited
for you at the torii
night came, you did not ⛩

silence, your silence
is not a void — it is a
warmth I come home to

sometimes when people
go, they do it for themselves —
so while they're still here
give them a home and try to
take them out of the warzone

don't ask me to stop
we've been loving, and hurting
so long, it's the same

does it keep you up
at night — waiting for the when
in WHEN I GROW UP . . .

when my palm is on
the side of my face
and my fingers curl
at the back of my neck
I can't tell
which
feels which

this war I am in
has a white flag, tied to the
barrel of a gun

ᴵ one day, you came and
took all the plants that wilted
and made them blossom

ᴵᴵ you took all the plants
that I can't make flower and
made them bear good fruit

ᴵᴵᴵ when my kindness to
myself wilted, you showed me
your garden of it

she can be water
GENTLE, or wine, SPIRITED
— here I am, THIRSTY

if I can only
be happy for you and not
happy with you — f***

I was up, writing
my ink — cold and raven like
                               rain at 2 am

I was up, thinking
were you ever woken by
                    rain, at 2 am?
then I wished I was there to
feel your arms wrapped around me

lost — yet again — like
the only thing I succeed
in is in failing

searching for something
or someone, through train windows
that's when I was found

tonight I'm awake
so I can spend tomorrow
feeling so sleepy