My cards are on the table,
Stick or twist if you dare,
We're betting on a deadly game,
A personal and ****** warfare.
The king of hearts is all lined up,
To steal the chance away,
The joker's in the packet,
Plotting to rue the day.
The ace is trapped beneath the pile,
struggling to breathe,
While the Queen of diamonds is sat on top,
With pearls and money stuffed up her sleeve.

Your poker face is quite impressive,
But mine is so much better,
The sweat is dripping down your face,
Your collar is getting wetter.
I stare you down and watch your eyes,
They're darting to and fro,
The pressure builds beneath the surface,
The cracks begin to show.
I catch a glimpse of your frustration,
As you hesitate to move,
To fold the card that lines your fate,

**Whether you win or lose.

I'm reckless, I'm crazy,
I'm letting go of this daydream,
I'm drinking, I'm smoking,
I'm hoping people won't notice,
I'm selfish, I'm stupid,
I'm ****** off with cupid,
I'm hoping, I'm praying,
This craziness is decaying.

When I feel sad or close to losing it, I write.
I need to write otherwise I start to think,
When I think I begin to imagine,
When I imagine I start to feel scared.

There are two sides to me,
Like Jekyll and Hyde,
But one has been silenced by the other.
Inside my body is the real me,
My skin, bones, flesh and organs are just the shell
Of what lies inside.

It's like there is another person,
Screaming and writhing in sheer anger,
Restrained by a straitjacket,
Throwing himself against walls,
The veins in his neck throbbing as he curses.

I never expect people to care,
In fact I nearly don't want them to,
I want them to be distant,
To stand in the bleachers and watch
The two sides of me battle it out.
I don't want them to be in the middle when the swords start to clash.

"You can't be lonely"
"You need to talk"

Talking only feeds the flames of feeling like a burden,
Being the thorn in a persons side as they try to tackle their own problems,
Another straw that hangs in the balance of completely and utterly destroying the camels back.

I walked the hallowed halls of college today,
And something inside me felt out of place,
I didn't feel my usual sadness,
The paranoia
     The shame
            The pain

But I didn't feel happy either,
I wasn't content.
It was like a black hole was forming,
A vacuum that consumed any burning star of emotion that I had contained,
Blank
Empty
Nothing

As I walked to lesson I looked at other people,
Friends crowded around the computer laughing and hitting each other,
Other students talking to teachers about their success on an assessment,
But here I am,
Wandering in a state of confusion as the world around me possessed the emotions I once held in my heart.