A never ending
Voice demons
That took over me
Tossing and turning
Stuck in a trance
Biting thee hand
That feeds
Thee lower I went
Thee hurt
Never seemed to fade
It fell continually
Buried me alive
Self inflicted
How thee hell could I not
After all I’d seen
I didn’t know
Any other way
Wanted to mask my pain
Numb to thee core
Afraid to face myself
In thee mirror
Straight insanity
Was unleashed
A dog that wouldn’t stop hunting
For peace of mind
A calming place to lay my head
Finally hit rock bottom
Awoke and fought an uphill battle
Years later reflecting
On living sober and clear headed
How refreshing
Realizing that I’m a survivor
Of a tragic past I didn’t deserve
I almost gave up on life  
But glad I didn’t
Thee almighty one
Had other plans in store for me

Pale complexion
Steps are fumbled
I pity the overwhelmed

Gorilla warfare
Panic attacks
Set in like concrete

Shell shocked
Out of body and mind
A Visionary

Quite the contrary
Living with one eye open
Asleep at the wheel

Dwindling anthems
Like walking
The blind to sight

I picked up
A book
I’ve read it a thousand times before

Non appealing
Yet I opened it anyway
Curiosity killed the cat

The ink ran down
The pages like
Spilling blood

Pictures tarnished
In plain sight
Like I’d seen this all before  

Life flashed before
My very eyes
Not before the fixating trance invited

Me in one last time
Straight into the
Eye of the storm

Pale in comparison
Raven to my dove
Pins and needles
Interluding invaders
Like a sponge
Where’s my
Pitter patter the silence
I wanna drown in it
Salivating resemblance
Tears in my hands
Am I losing my faith
Thee ability to move on
Unhinged the kettles turning black
Not in Unison
Trivial pursuit an endless cycle
Of melancholy
A Captivity
My point of view
Has held me in
Unsteady hand cinder blocks
Have me sinking
I have never been light of foot
Walking on egg shells
Trust is gone
I left it down at the seashore
My walls went up long ago
Swan song
Sing louder help me
Float head up abound in lightness
And let the dim dark tones
Flutter on there own time

Left with what
You have
Far behind thee rest
Primeval locations
Stolen moments
Harder to
Fine what’s right
When it’s looking you
Right in thee face
Carnivals lost cites
Chaos to follow
A million shattered dreams
Rolled into one
Heads in thee clouds
Hearts on a table
The colors
Of life have varied
In and out of consciousness
Searching repeatedly
For a warmth that
Could never outrun me
And outlast all eternity
Contagious flesh
I’m far from prefect
Sins a plenty
I’ve had my fair share
They may be forgiven
Yet I’m always second guessing
Following him
There’s a heavy price to pay
But it’s well worth it
Fruit for thee soul
A reckoning
Words in a book guide
Me now
Like flying kites on a sunny day
That feeling never gets old

Don’t depend  ON Possessions OR Position for YOUR Identity
GET your IDENTITY FROM CHRIST
For you ARE OF INFINITE WORTH TO HIM!!!

THE GREATEST PRISON YOU WILL EVER LIVE INSIDE IS THE PRISON YOU CREATE INSIDE YOUR OWN MIND
- EDITH EGER
EP 500 | 'FEEL BETTER, LIVE MORE'

Flexing patterns
Slight of hand
Flattering inspiration
Fostering me
In its warmth
Soft whispers
Like a breathable oxygen
Prima ballerina
Please grace
Me with your soft sweet movements
In limbo I’ve been
Four leaf clovers
Splitting lucks running on fumes
Army of me
Loosen up your
Bark
I’m just a man
Never claimed to be a king
Creaking floors shout
Gazing walls stare
Don’T shine like silver
Castles
Of sand crumble
A devoted
Loneliness
Just had to veer
It’s ugly head in
Fragments far to relevant
Excavated as the days go
Set by step
Word by word
Masquerading in every detail
To the finest degree
Executioner
Of life latched onto my
Footsteps and wouldn’t unite me

FORFEIT
My talisman
Didn’t show itself
Wasn’t effective enough
Ball and chain
Invalid and rough
Too close for comfort
To little too late
I knew better
But it didn’t seem
To bother them
Pardon me
If I just cant get passed it
How could I
Ever ignore that which
Can’t be forgotten
Forgiven at any extent
Because I’m certainly
Not as powerful as you
Speak to me
In tongues and
Stop the distorted screams
That fill my air
Obstinate I’m to stubborn
To know any better
You could never
Sew up the mistakes
That were on display
I was just a young boy
On display a man far from
A different anatomy
Why was I not so fortunate
My DNA was noxious  
Miscarriage why did you
Bring me here  
What if my head
Was empty
Separated from my body
Who or what could hold
Me back down then
Guide me into a different frequency
A world that’s a bit calmer
And forfeit any record of me having been here

Empty bottles
Tell there own sorrows
Borrowed time
Wasted days
When it all falls down
Comes apart at thee seams
Fault lines shifting
Harboring silence alone
Looking through
Thee glass
Nothings clear anymore
Kaleidoscope
Storms fill my eyes
Ground zero blisters
When the sun forgets
To rise and thee clouds rain down
On me
The botched minutes
Fall by thee wayside
Seconds feel like days
Ducking and dodging
Every moment
I’m awake
Clenching my fists too no end
Waiting on thee fire
Too set my life aflame
Signs all around me
Holding on to a prayer and a whim
Waiting on the end to come
Battlefields scattered
Endless miles they stretch
A peacefulness
Guess I’ll never know
I miss numbing thee pain
Falling down thee rabbit hole
Forgetting if only for a moment
Sobriety only hurts
More then thee day before
Old feelings resurface
Tear me too shreds
A fight you’ll never know
Unless you’ve gone face
Too face with thee devil inside
Like I have
A frame of mind never
Understood far from kind

Serenade
Me in happiness
Where was my shining light
Dancing mightily
The devil was having his way
Pennies in
Heaven eroded
Acid tears flooded
Going through
The motions dejected
Untimely
Thee unwarranted
Abuse
Came in all shapes
And sizes
My home
Was where I made it
Wasn’t much
To brag about
Begging for
My voice to be noticed
The pain to wash ashore
A chance at redemption
Cleaner scenery
Aimlessly wandering
Cut from
A different cloth
My upbringing
Held me like
A pit of despair
I never really felt safe
Any sense of real satisfaction
Had flown out the window
Honestly I was very ungrateful
Because of the path of destruction
That hit me like a train wreck
Bitterness stained my heart and mind
And my still frame mentality
Held me in its grasp
To this day just won’t let me go

Condemnation
Tinted self
My backlit canopy
Couldn’t shield me enough
Optical of the
Universe
Ink my levitation pass
Cryptic skies
No longer a
Bleak atmosphere
Deeper
In thought then ever
The scriptures I hold dear
Closest to my chest
Words of hope
Lift me up
I offer myself up to you
If it will help
The way I’ve been feeling
Evaporate permanently
Circling the wagon
When will my
Sacred heart show itself
Bleed no more
Purity is what I seek
Path to the
Alter is full of obstacles
Patiently
Awaiting my transformation
I’ve taken an oath
To remain faithful
Only visible in the eyes of the beholder
Felt in the deepest spaces
Tarnished walk of life
The whole world in the palm
Of your hand
Yet you’ve profited nothing
You’ve found
You lost your soul
And betrayed yourself
All in the same breath
For what exactly
No amount of riches here
Can compete with what’s
To be revealed
A magic carpet ride
Bathing in the vastness  
No amount
Of riches here
Will bring a steadiness
And truer
Peace of comfort to your soul
Like that of gadol

Start to finish
Flying in
Sequence
Garden of Eden
Biting thee apple
Curtain call
Blue skies
Blossom
Lock in step
Out from
Underneath
It’s time to merge elsewhere
Tomorrow is not promised
Today there are
No guarantees either
Approaching my exit ramp
Pitter patter permeating
Through my bones
A sign of
Things to come
My quiet boredom
May it glisten on repeat
For all eternity
Leave the loud noises behind
As this hyperbaric
Chamber holds
Me still my wheels are turning
I’m ready for my departure
I pray to the man
Upstairs that he will
Catch me if I fall
And wake up in the pearly white
Gates sooner rather then later
Godspeed young man
May all your wishes come true
In the afterlife
It can’t be any worse then it was down here

Recycled
Suns setting
Casting crowns
Withering infatuations
Precious views
Blocked by barricades
Victory or defeat
Crimson skies
Gazing upward
Internal combustion
Spills over
Suppressed
By all my fears and transgressions
Tears ran without a spigot  
I couldn’t turn off
Blue and gray
Never made a yellow
Brick road
Imperfections
Never took pity
On my party
Like a barrage of bad moments
A saint I am not
And neither where they
A raging current
Churning tides
The tires fell off before the finish line
Love that forgot
To mention me in a sentence
Careless touch
Your could never cradle
Me properly
A symmetry
Your globe
Is looking less and less
Appealing
The hourglasses in your pupils
Hazy storms
Like fading fires in your eyes
Like the days
You’ve been trapped in
Covered in stone pillars all your own
A faceless man
Who’s starving to be whole

Home wrecker
Alleviate
The allergic symptoms up
Spun in your
Spider web
Had you been
Waiting long for me
You swung the door
Open wide
Little did you know what you
Were inviting in
Did we love each other
For all the wrong reasons
Out of convenience
As our loneliness ate us away
Romeo and Juliet
We were not
Your kiss was
Like the poisonous
Thoughts in my mind
That stung me till I was paralyzed
On thee wrong paths
Yet somehow we crossed each other
Off the list  
The wrong
Kind of attention soon followed
Bad blood slowly became
Then the bottle drew us together
The only way we could coexist
In the end
For all the wrong reasons
Sewn at the seem
Longer then we should have been
Are shelf life had all but expired
Yet we continued on
Then the floor fell out from underneath us

I wear my
Emotions on my sleeve
Like a straight jacket
The quietest
Person in the room
Yet he writes
With the LOUDEST VOICE
If you knew me
By person
I’m a man of few WORDS
BUT MY POETRY SPEAKS
VOLUMES
MY EMOTIONS ARE THE RAW AND
HONEST TRUTHS
OF A LONELY MAN TRYING TO
FIND HIS WAY TO GREENER PASTURES

Drifting afar
Winding roads
Empty back streets
Discovering
What’s real or make believe
Who’s really got your back
Thee tone of my soul
Changes like thee weather
Demons roam only fools rush in
Finding clarity in thee madness
Now that’s a tricky one
Has anyone really seen
The real you when you
Weren’t bent outta your mind
With open eyes a sober frame of mind
I think not
Did anyone ever love me for me
A mixed bag how could they
When they didn’t even know
Who I truly was without a bottle
Strapped to my hands
Looking for a ride a way out
A quick fix if you’ve got one
Piggy backing
On everyone else’s
Coattails what a joke
Being someone other then me
Living a false dream
Through someone else’s eyes
When all I ever wanted
Was a life I could be proud of
And too find genuine happiness on my own

SELF-EXPRESSION
Cosmic ebb and flows
Missed the mark
Light years away
Thirsty for
My eternal sunshine
Foreshadowing hunger
In the background
The cold sheets
I lay in
The bad neighborhood
Between my ears
Like a riddle
I am
Trapped inside a maze
One foot in front
Of thee other
Oh how that would be so swell
Evil auras
Spells that were cast
I always saw
Them coming
They sent chills up my spine
Guess I couldn’t change
Direction fast enough
To get out of there way
Can you all
See me from
The mountain top
Landslides
Come in all forms
I see the pain
In which I write with
The tidal waves
That rule
The insanity of my blues
Are they truly all my fault
I rarely
Like company that I can tolerate
Let that of my own
It would be nice to be heard
Recognized by someone other
Than me
Felt adored once in while
Because I show myself
Very little love if any praise
I’ve always fallen
Flat felt like a caged animal
My one true voice
As unpleasant as it often is
Brings me a little hope and joy
An escape for a few moments
A way outta my head
Poetry my one and only therapy

Stained glass
Hearts on fire
Adaptability
Out of reach
If only
My lonely captivity wouldn’t
Have enslaved me
Eviction notice
Where’s my nirvana
Spinning off axis
Chutes and ladders  
Where’s my
Off ramp
My unappealing entity
I’m tangled in it
Shattered hope
Lost somewhere in the sky
Black and gray never conformed to
Grave robber
The villain to my hero
A deity
Fast roping me to safety
The one who knows
And sees all
Please just let me go
Caving in under the pressure
I’m undesirable
Please abort this mission
And move on to the next one
Orphaned caterpillar
Never blossomed into a butterfly
Why did you give
Me life
To just let it be wasted
Away without merit  
On other people’s careless betrayals
Impersonating someone else
Became a sick game
There was
No regard for my emotional stability
My imperfections became
A muse
For my unsettling nerves

Stingy echos
The stale air that
Fills my lungs
White noises
Silence is more then welcome
Falling on deaf ears
My howling horizons
Miles apart inside
Boxed in a compartment
Me myself
And I
Who have
I ever been deceived along thee way
Crumbling
Fields of elation
Receding daylight
Constantly over
Thinking day dreaming
Way out of my depths
You rained down
On my parade
From day one
Stripped the armor off
And left me for dead
My tsunami seas
Made me delusional
Navigating life
I couldn’t seem to read
My compass properly
The mirages that lied
That bathed my
Broken spirit in there sands
Like a mothers milk
How could I go without
You stole away my kingdom
And exiled my soul
Where would I be
If you hadn’t
Put me under your spell
The white picket fences
I’ve longed for
Instead replaced by prison bars
Of your imposter syndrome

INFINITE
Unlike any other
Praying aloud
A star
I was wishing upon
Ironic shores
Shadows die
In the limelight
An awakening refreshes thee soul
Fiddler on the roof
No matter the cost
My precipice
Of bad dreams
And omens
Has fluttered to an end
Judgment day has come
Floods of lights
Give me back my sight
Sunshine’s like no other
Warms me to the core
Swing open the pearly gates
As I’m finally rolled into one peace
All that was lost
Time never did me
Any favors
What ever
I was
Was not the
Intended outcome never meant
To be anything more
Bathing
In your cherished glory
Fleeing my untimely horizons
All the madness
Runs a flow
Holy water cleanses
Me off my beaten path
Holding back the tears
Have I finally arrived
Ready to reveal my true self
Letting go of everything
Rebooting in your infinite house
Of astonishment walking along
Right beside you still

Unreeling paradise
Swallowed up
Basking  
In shallow waters

A slave to
The wrong spaces
What I could never acquire

A truce between us

Very unrealistic
A frame
Without a picture empty

The sirens
Like hurricanes
They ignited

My vanity
That simply
Didn’t function well

What exactly was I seeing

I’d rather not recall
My insecurities
Got the best of me

Picked at me separated
Like a fiddle
A better standard

Way of life was purely a lie

Viewpoints quickly slid
Interpretations differed
Never were a true match

What I conceived
In my thoughts
Seemed unattainable

Never saw the light of the sun
Dangling
Hopes and dreams

In front of my face
Like a bribe
Only to watch them fizzle

Below in my wishing well

I felt more like a marionette  
Trapped in the shadows
That wouldn’t

Take a break let up

Insecure for a lifetime
Reeling
Scared to be

Wishing for a memory
That I could somehow hold dear

Noise pollution
Crowded spaces
What kind of spell
Have I fallen under
Casting into my whole being
You have
How many things
Have to feel me up with remorse
No vacancy
Would be my greatest
Request
My thoughts have
Always overstayed there welcome
Bogged me down
Tree of life
Soiled
Ying to my Yang
A habitual creature I am
Back and forth I go
I’m more nocturnal
Thee night has always
Appealed to me more
While thee day walkers roam
I toss and turn
Trying to find a stop
I can get off at
This overcrowded train ride
Has been an endless one
An unwelcome highway
Static electricity shocks my nerves
Too the core
If there’s an off
Switch I can’t seem
Too locate it
When my body’s to
Worn out to fight  
My mind fires on all cylinders
Will my shooting
Stars ever truly align fully
Will my insomnia ever let me rest
As my warped mind
Fails to deescalate the situations
Comfortably for a minute alone

Embracive swells
Seismic shift
Tables flipped over

Jokers wild
*******
Had A ace up my sleeve

I wagered everything
To beat him
Antes slid to my side
Of the table

No longer does he
Hold all the cards

Removing sad layers
Brick by brick
**** it’s a chore

My enclosure becomes
Less adhesive
More adaptable

Locomotive on
Autopilot
Barreling through my head
Where it will stop

TBD

Park bench
Passerby’s could they
See me siting
Underneath my rooted tree

Life held me
Down like cinder blocks
An ally
To my foe

Knotted thoughts
That plied up
In the corner
Needed untying

The invasive thoughts
No longer trigger
My bad impulses that led

To enormous
Deflating challenges
Constant wars within

Engraved
Blistered and pealed
The scars
I wear
Anyway
You dissect it
Self inflicted wounds
Unkept promises
Piercing thorns
Casting shadows
Fall in line
Unresolved questions
Was a curse
Bestowed upon me
Before I was ever granted
My first breath or step
I’m all outta wishes
Good intentions
Flipped upside down
Tortured my insides
Got ripped apart
My wreckage
Wore me like a bad habit
Bullet proof I was not
The rounds that penetrated
Hit there mark every time
Without concern
What couldn’t shield me
From myself the retaliations that
Swooped in
Like vultures
The worse I felt
Thee farther I fell down the rabbit hole
The irony is none of this
Has ever made a bit of sense to me
At times has felt like a reoccurring 
Bad nightmare
I can’t wake from
Yet for some reason I stand here still
Today shell shocked

Staring through
Thee looking glass
Timelines
Came and went
Never held me in place
Long enough
Like shooting stars they fluttered
Picking straws
Hoping to get lucky
Insecurities a plenty
Chemical reactions
Backfired to oblivion
A recipient of
Buried treasures
Countless dreams that fizzled
Once upon a time
To places only I
Could travel too
Deep in my soul
They broke my fall
Were my temporary crutch
In my darkest moments
Held me together
Blessings fell short
Probably because of me
Every so often
Something majestic
Would come to fruition
Life would pinch me
To remind me I’m still alive
I have a special place
I hold dear
A vault deep inside me
Where
I hold onto all theses special
Encounters
I can count them all on one hand
Keepsakes that I wish
I still held in my hands to this day
That at the time I wasn’t truly
Ready to handle

Baby steps
Became leaps and bounds
Waking on ambers
As my truth serum
Takes hold
I’ve stared
My own demise
Deeply
Dead in it’s eyes
Of nothing
Numbs me like it use too
The enemies all around
One bullet
In the chamber
I caved at first sight
A pain that knows
No limits would become
A cancer of a lifetime
Cut me from
Limb to limb
A wound without
Relief in sight
Provoked
By evil spirits
Or just plain bad luck
Fell in my lap
I knew from
A very young age
That something was definitely off
Yet I was defenseless
Just a boy
What could I do
Manipulated by the worst
The debt that
Is owed to me
Could never be repaid    
Not in a thousand lifetimes
The surpassing moments
That fell of a cliff
The damage had already been done
And could not be resubmitted
For approval
My halcyon fallen imbecile dream
Quickly evaporated
Lacerated by more wrong doings
Then one should have to endure
Then I’d ever care to admit to anyone

Splitting hairs
Honing in
On what really mattered
Scratch and sniff
Petrified of being
Pulled outside my comfort zone
A summoning calling me to a cleaner
Way of living
Halting the
Relatable dilemmas
Omens like
Cultured wounds that my
Blemishes couldn’t hide
A casualty
Of someone else’s sinister games
No longer will I play ball
I’ve given
It all a whirl
With mixed results
Very few counter offers
Shined through like him
A drug that
I had to escape
You became my antidote
Breaking myself totally apart
You built me back from spare parts
Better then new  
I was constantly being hypnotized
By the lonely twilight
That was not the most suitable
Companion
My eyes started
Gazing upwards
Breezes slowly began to twirl
Of a teasing love
That spoke to me like nothing
Else ever had
Flowers soon blossomed
After my garden
Was finally tilled
Transitional years grabbed hold
Like a
Bull in a China shop
Everything was busted
Sensitive to the touch
Behind a reasonable doubt
That’s me
The fluctuations are now
Boxed up finally contained
I had to liquidate my assets
Into a new portfolio
Leave the baggage at the back door
And let my new partner shine brighter
Then I could

Dull existence
Tilting axis
Gravity’s lumpy
Lost in the backroads

Off a beaten path

Protect the nest
Don’t flock
To the fatal tones

The rooster mustn’t reign

Like a moth
To a flame
A lantern without a spark

My dark forest held me

Picking myself
Up of the pavement
Trying to avoid my

Chalk outline permanently

Short fuse
As my time bomb
Was ticking down to it’s last seconds

Absolute explosion guaranteed

Logy as I was
Repercussions never mattered
Up to that point

I just sat and pondered

If this had to be my fate
Why not just change
For the betterment of MYSELF

Bon voyage
I’ll no longer hesitate
To dismiss
The dystopian urges
Daggers
I can feel the
Pinching of the needles
Over medicating
Stimulating sensations
Embracing me in there hold
Slightly focused
Eyes on the prize
Call off the wolfs
Time is not in unlimited abundance
Each second
Is all so precious
Fulfilling gravity
As the smog dissipates
Today the here and now
What else is there
Tail in hand
Tomorrow will
Never change repeat itself
Stay on the same course
If you don’t allow it too
Like a sponge
The insanity
Eventually has to
Be wrung out
Rearranging the chess pieces
On the board
As hard
As it maybe checkmate
I’m finally
Content to a certain degree
Comfortable in my own way
Fine with my current state of matters
The glass slipper
Finally fits snug
My time capsule
At the edge of the ocean
Bottled up nice and tightly
Won’t be coming back
Setting sail for its maiden voyage
No better time then the present

MANIA MY WAKING DREAM
Tragically
The twisted romance
That’s fizzled out
I’ve played
A part in making
Make believing
So compelling it
Almost had me convinced
Facing actual data
Told me the complete opposite
Life sold me out
To the highest bidder me
A constant causality
Fake applause
Death rattle
Catatonic pressures
Fables lye idle  
When will
Thee feelings pass
Honestly I’ve stopped caring
When will my mind and body
Finally catch up
As the real world
Overlaps with fantasy
What’s left over I’ll take the latter
Overlapping dream scapes
The vividness dips it’s fingers in me
It was as if
You were standing
Right there
Then I reached to grab hold
Of you and you vanished like a ghost
Why did you not recuse me
Instead you left me here
Subconsciously unaware
Of my surroundings
Quickly I awoke
From my continual waking dream
Realizing it is what it is meh
The mania running wild again

What I see
And hear in this world
Often doesn’t
Add up
I tend to
Interpret things on a off keel

Rapid fire
The words just come
Out of
A cannon

My words
Splash on a page
Like graffiti on
A wall
Interpret it how you may

I’m not a scholar
Far from
Book smart
I learned more in the trenches
The school of
Hard knocks

We each create
In our own
Way who am I
To judge

I’m going to continue
To write
The way I see fit
What makes me comfortable
Might not
Be for everyone else

But that’s fine
You don’t have to pay attention
Most of you are strangers
To each his own
Be you I’ll be me

SELF-EXPRESSION
Cosmic ebb and flows
Missed the mark
Light years away
Thirsty for
My eternal sunshine
Foreshadowing hunger
In the background
The cold sheets
I lay in
The bad neighborhood
Between my ears
Like a riddle
I am
Trapped inside a maze
One foot in front
Of thee other
Oh how that would be so swell
Evil auras
Spells that were cast
I always saw
Them coming
They sent chills up my spine
Guess I couldn’t change
Direction fast enough
To get out of there way
Can you all
See me from
The mountain top
Landslides
Come in all forms
I see the pain
In which I write with
The tidal waves
That rule
The insanity of my blues
Are they truly all my fault
I rarely
Like company that I can tolerate
Let that of my own
It would be nice to be heard
Recognized by someone other
Than me
Felt adored once in while
Because I show myself
Very little love if any praise
I’ve always fallen
Flat felt like a caged animal
My one true voice
As unpleasant as it often is
Brings me a little hope and joy
An escape for a few moments
A way outta my head
Poetry my one and only therapy

They used to
Rain on my parade
Roam freely in mind
Depressurize
My infrared paradise
Erase these corroded halls
Mocking birds
Collide
Projectors relive
Stories that never lined up
To my liking
Two faces
Constant tension
Temporary streams invite
Rivers rage
Against my self worth
Why did you create me
Stimulate
My darkest fears
Put them to bed
Simulate my brightest desires
Let them illuminate
And amaze me
Stop thee hurt that leads
To me feeling dead in my space
Lead me to
Train tracks to follow elsewhere
Sympathize
With me a little more
Don’t let them
Mimic my movements any longer
I want to be just like you
Apart from me anyone else
Show me your truest prophecy
Let me resemble
Anything that won’t mimic me
And leave me feeling deflated
Because I’ve already seen
An ample fiery of warfare within

Scandalous beauty
Rotting in view
Why was I always the
Sacrificial lamb
I should have
Taken an oath
To draw myself closer
To you sooner
Instead I allowed
The evil to wear me like
A sad painting
Soaking up my sanity inch by inch
Consuming me
Entirely to often
All my praises
Belong to you from here on out
What happened before
Shouldn’t matter
Yet it still displaces my being
Ball and chain
Breaking rocks falling face first
I never had a say
As I was blindsided
By a life I would have written
Differently and had
It been more decent  
Terrorized by
Meaningless tyrants
Like a sick addiction
It became maddening
Forgiveness
Is a skill
I’ve never quite mastered
And probably never will
My tarnished
Image split me in two
Mirroring a hologram
Left to pick up the pieces
Has never reflected well
In my direction
As I’ve stared it all in the face
The mirrors
That have broken me apart
Sadly to this day
Are the ones I hate the most

Lethargic movements
Synthetic
Untapped sources
Attention spans
Spinning like
A top
Rising temperatures
Expanding
My unresolved theory
Breaking the riddle wide open
Thistle and twine
The broken branches
That stoke the fire
An extravagant
Grace period in dire need
Of total annihilation
Holding firm in pattern
Endowment
The tears run
In fazes and the treads
Worn thin
The smiles you can’t
Always fake hide behind
In the rubble
Enough similes to
Go around the block
They poke and ****
Like simmering coals
Cold as ice
Far from temporary
Can feel
Like an internal clock
That won’t stop grinding gears
Stain like graffiti  
Feel like the hot summer sun
Burning your character
To a crisp
In the miscellaneous
Shelf’s of your head lie books
Collecting dust
To the outside world
That were never warranted

Freedom from myself
Saved by grace  
Enslaved in my head
This all feels so wrong
Waiting for the end to take me
Gazing upward
Who am I to say
Times up
Demoralizing horrors
Self hatred
Demons zeroed in
Hell came
In a hand basket
Today came and went
And I decided I’d rather
Not see tomorrow
Living in this body
My mind is just not doing me
Any good
I’ve been living on borrowed time
And now I wanna hand
In my voucher
I’m just so tired
And the fight in me is gone
I want peace and quiet
Nothing else
Face facts I should have
Been gone a long long time ago
Nothing has been more apparent
The here and now doesn’t mean much
Probably never has
Have I ever truly enjoyed life
I think I’ll take that
To thee grave with me
Mourning there after

I’m flawed
Not a saint immoral
Lingering regrets
Longing for something that
Resembles Heaven
Slaying the mighty beast
Leaving him incapacitated
When will my hell
Freeze over cease to be
No resolve all out of glimpses
Hashing out looking for
A needle in a hay stack
High as a kite
One of a kind
My last stand
A one off
Deserted roads
I drank myself to death with the devil
Never worth a nickel of my time
But who really cares
I can count my true friends
On one finger to hell
With all my acquaintances they’ve
Been gone for decades now
Smoke screens feel the air
No false alarms
Inside I should have known invalid
My hyperbaric chambers
Cut wide open
Only one holds the key
To my salvation
Humble thee who’s ungrateful
And doesn’t want any of this
My candle burns
At both ends
Dry bones
A carbon copy
I’m tired of looking at
In need of my refreshing sanctuary
Show yourself
Rise up and guide thee
But it maybe too late
Hanging on a whim
And a prayer
I’m tired of my story
It’s less then lackluster
At least that’s what I’ve been told
Maybe I’m jealous
Envious of what I can’t have
Or become
Truthfully I’m just bored
Trying to be me
It’s an overwhelming task
With excruciating circumstances
A complete overkill if you ask me totally mundane

MURAL
Open mindedness
Casual tones
You have to be open
To exploring the many possibilities
When it comes to what you might see
Cassiopeia
The northern lights
Illuminating illustrations
Come to life
Trajectories expand
What starts out
As nothing more then a vision
Blimp on the screen
A simple idea
Eventually is executed in it's truest form
Plural elements
Thee imagination
Has a mind all it's own
Absolutely nothing's off limits
With an end goal in mind
Undivided
There are different
Shades and contrasts
Forms of artistic
Expressions creativity
They come in all shapes and sizes
Some use words others use images
Sounds etcetera
The freedom to create
As we see fit
A priceless blessing
The gift that keeps on giving
Empty rural walls
Plain and bare
To thee corners of the earth
Across many continents
Day after day stories are being told
Paint me a picture
Tell me a story
I'm in need of some
Harmonizing illustrations
Distinguishing characteristics
I can call my own
Thee architect
Designer and creator
Brain storming tirelessly
To come to a conclusion
A finished blueprint
Now we may proceed
Gathering my supplies
Laying out plans
Finding the necessary ideas
Before it's too late
To execute a work of art
My final masterpiece
Something that will leave
A lasting impression for years too come
Remembered by all
Clear thee air
Carve your initials
In me
And make me relate
Splattering paint all over the walls
Mushing it all in
Doesn't appear to be much
But if you look deeply enough
You just might be surprised
Caught off guard
There's more then meets thee eye
In things that are silent different
A picture speaks a thousand words maybe more
Mural on the wall vastly under appreciated

POETRY IS LANGUAGE AT IT’S MOST DISTILLED MOST POWERFUL… AMEN 🙏 ID BE ABSOLUTELY INSANE WITHOUT MY WRITING!!! AND I FEEL LIKE MY VOICE IS FINALLY BEING HEARD PROPERLY… I APPRECIATE THEE MANY TALENTED FOLK OUT THERE EXPRESSING THERE TRUEST SELFS IN THERE POETRY… CHEERS 🍻

Blessings that
Never came gift wrapped
Screeching sounds
Syllables overlap
Often superimposed
My being
Create and replace
Resolve a face without
Meaning
Switching places would
Have been all so grand
Petrified forests
I ran through
The thorns on my sides still sting
My tumultuous depths
Only widened thee longer I ran
In place
Tears filled
The air I breathed
My hero
Is someone I’ve never
Met let alone seen
With my own eyes
Luxuries taken
For granted
Selfish desires only
Led me into addiction
Self medicating astray
Sitting alone on my perch
If perfection
Was a currency
I’d be broke
Life hasn’t always
Painted the prettiest of pictures
Just give me my
Spoken word and a playlist
Of my choice
And sky’s the limit
What might come out
Because these are the
Only real truths I have
These are not made up stories
Sugar coated
With pixie dust
About how the grass is
Always greener on the other side
Because my dilemmas have
Always told me different story

Heart Beats
Barely a sound
Dust in the wind
The moons gone dark
Smashed into
Pieces a killer for hire
Bullets
With butterfly wings
Tears fill my soul
Ring around the sun
Haven’t I mourned enough
Discrepancies a plenty
Divine intervention show face
Unresolved torment
Why does the dark
Wear me like a coat
Fill the voids
I can’t seem to fill myself
Be my everlasting hope
Wings of gold
Wanting to live
And waiting on yourself
There’s a big difference
It could be a while
They are two different
Ends of the stick
Spectrums a must
Infinite energy in abundant supply
Healing
Is what I desire the most
My quiet reverie swoop me up
Light of light
My halo of hope
I cling too
It’s far to easy
To turn your back
On yourself
Fall into the trap of the enemy
Yet no matter how
Destructive I’ve been
You’ve been the one constant
My fortress and rock
Blind to the simple fact that
I can’t be fully alive without your grace
I’ll never take you for granted
All I want is to be by your side one day
My grandeur

My chronicles
Invaded my
Bloodstream
Divide and conquer
Trials and tribulations
Was it all worth it
Have any true merit  
Karmas a beast
Where’s my dogma
Rainbows in the sky
My complacent
Continuum
A momentary lapse
What I needed
To hear
The end
Only became thee beginning
At a loss for words
Sweet smells
Granted immunity
Balance and clarity
Behold holy water
Phosphorescence
Heavens gates at last
Everything before irrelevant
Maybe it was bad luck
Bad timing
Just not meant to be
Regardless of the circumstances
Painless and whole
I don’t hurt like it used to
Can’t feel anything but the harmony
Of this vast undiscovered universe
Carve
Me out a true home
Erase the dark
Where has my dark passenger
Gone too finally vanished
Free to roam as I please
When the fires
Put out completely
And the winds
Die down fail to swoop
My perfect moment
Has finally come to the forefront
I can’t hardly imagine it
But I’ve pictured it a thousand times
Over and over
Standing firmly before you
Knowing I’m finally exactly
Where I’m suppose to be
And truly belong

Motorcades approaching
Billy clubs
Violently swinging

My savior
Almost didn’t see
The light in my days

A better me

Problematic equations
Over complicating
The simplest tasks

Hurting the most

Life’s gains
Became my black hole
Time was wasting away

Two worlds
In a throw down
Collided as the battles

Raged on

Angels and brainwaves
Effortless breaths
I wished to attain

Lynchpin of evil

Is no leader
I wanted to follow anymore
Taker of harmony ousted

Brian waves fizzled

Leader of the armada
Squeezed me
From the inside out

Like a lemon
That tasted so sour
But now I drink lemonade

Took me a while to adapt
To the sweet taste
Of life

NEVERMORE will my alter
Ego rule over
My HAPPINESS

Flowing echoes
Watching waiting
Hearsay
In the limelight
Winning lotto
Ticket never bought
I would never sell my soul
To the highest bidder
A fools paradise
Is not mine at all
Expired dreams
Fully aware beam me up
Turn the light
Off behind you
Inflated ego not of my liking
No amount
Of fame would suffice
I’m not for sale
Life’s told me it’s overrated
From my vantage point
Has never really
Peaked my trust interest
My genius won’t
Be recognized till
I’m six feet under
If at all
But I’ll be long gone by then
That is up to them to decide
Although my writing
At times
Stops me in a dead sprint
I’m floored by my ability
I just shake my head in amazement
Just a speck
Of dust in this vast sand
A tinny fish
In a big pond
With a voice that more people
Should be paying attention too
But I’m not going to
Hold my breath
Because I’ve been a black sheep
Most of my life
And that suits me just fine

ONLY YOU
Who am I
Without you
Broken no longer
I give it all to you
The road to heaven awaits
Take the wheel and stear
Rainbow in
Thee dark
Guiding light
My anchor in stormy seas
Still here today
Because of your love for me
Eternally grateful
Humbled daily
My everything
High and mighty
In you all things
Are possible I’m not worthy
Your mercy and grace
Fills my cup
Have held me together
Throughout the years
Trials and tribulations have
Come and gone
The one constant is you
By my side
You hold me together
Save a seat
For me at home
Keep me in your heart
Know that I’m not perfect
Your protection shields
From the hate and negativity
That fills my world
Frees me from my sins
Blessings abundant
Your water gives me life
Your blood flows through my veins
Without you I’m nothing
With you all things become a virtue

Who am I
Without you
Broken no longer

I give it all to you

The road to heaven awaits
Take the wheel
And steer

Rainbow in
Thee dark
Guiding light

My anchor in stormy seas

Still here today
Because of your
Love for me

Eternally grateful

Humbled daily
My everything
High and mighty

In you all things are possible

I’m not worthy
Your mercy and grace
Fills my cup

Have held me together

Throughout the years
Trials and tribulations have
Come and gone

The one constant is you

By my side
You hold me together
Save a seat

For me at home

Keep me
In your heart
Knowing that I’m not perfect

Your protection shields

From the hate and negativity
That fills my world
Frees me from my sins

Blessings abundant

Your water
Gives me life
Your blood flows through

My veins

Without you I’m nothing

With you all things

BECOME A VIRTUE

Winding rivers
I bathe in
Stirring
False narratives
Bleed the same
Slowly
Excavating my soul
Pulling levers hoping
One should open
Elevators up to the top floor
Eventually it all crashes down
Shiny diamonds
Barricading me in there awe
Rusty copper Pennie’s
That’s more like it
Thunder and lightning
I wanna see
My skies align
Rolling hills
No end insight
Breach of contract
You and I
Never truly aligned
Like fire and ice canceling
Each other out
Never a perfect match
Hyperventilating telepathic waves
The stewing ghosts
In my closet  
Wish they knew
Like I do
How I hurt like hell
Confusing illusions daylight
To my wallowing nights  
Desperately seeking
A muse too take the lid off
Some kind of
Joyfulness to put me in it’s vise grip  
An antidote for the agony
To go away for a while
The outer spaces
Of my mind or something like paradise
Oh how I long for them

Asunder
Birds of prey
Hard headed
Gravity
Incomplete story
In need of my
Sweet salvation
I can’t walk
On water
Wishful thinking
Out loud
Ringing the bell
Twelve rounds are up
Spiraling out
Of control
My crutch can’t withstand
The pressure
Like a stick of dynamite
Exploding daily
Fountain of youth
I’ll pass
I’d never wanna relive
All the unbearable moments here
I’ll never drink from the cup
Because I’ve seen more
Then enough of all this
So called life
For a thousand lifetimes in vain
Dead weight free falling
Into flames
Like a bomb
Falling from the sky
Catastrophic damage up next
Would you shield me from
Thee explosion
Before I fall  
To my demise  
Parachute open up your
Door to me eternally yours
I will be forever in your debt

Chaotic syndromes
Unglued
My spiteful neurotic
Behaviors
Pretexts I never benefited from
Bullies on thee block
Reapers antagonized
Angels swarmed
And tried to protect
Protesting to no avail
It’s unreal
What you miss when
Your deep inside the flames
But when you finally
Claw your way out
And you escape
Certain spaces everything
Comes to light the forefront
Starts pacing around
The afterglow quickly shy’s away
And walks the other direction
Marked by a comatose
Frame of mind
Pull the plug
And let your feelings trample
You missed the mark not the first time
Balking at the fact
I knew I never fit in
Wandering along stumbling
Fumbled blueprints
It wasn’t my makers fault
The adults in the room
I point the finger at them
Rooted in more misdeeds
That I’ve lost count
Misread scriptures put the book down
Cavernous displays
Front and center
I should have been an after thought
As I plucked away the piranhas
One by one
Yet I became the black sheep anyway

Continuum
Reality never added up
Walking a tightrope
Underneath the layers piled up
Pulling the covers
Over my head nonstop
As life was
Viciously attacking me from all sides
Frozen being
This world passed me by
Like a train wreck
Waiting to happen
Beggar
You slowly sunk your
Teeth into my soul
Life hasn’t always
Painted thee prettiest of pictures
The pain on
My hands was not
Of my design
Buried
In the trenches
Life murdered
My dreams one by one
What was left after that
Made each breath
That much harder to find
Seeing thee things I did
Only flawed me that much more
Why did it have to be me
Always caught in the crossfire
A passer by I was
Living life through a fractured lens
Like a kaleidoscope
Where dreams came to die
Life was never easy on the eyes
Pleasant
Far from anything
I would have come up with on my own
If only there was a better story to tell
Believe you me I would have
Certainly done so beforehand