Twists and turns
Your ideas
From my perspective
Through a different lens
Stalemate
Patterns holding steady
Frozen I startled
Like my soul had been tasered
Bridges apart
How could I possibly flee
Wildly creeping how could
I truly be comforted
Homeless without shelter
From harm
Backstreets mumbling
In confusion
A fallacy of demons
All my own became me
Signs of anger
No exit or follow through
Trying days each wasted
My fathers shameful eyes
Pierced my veil
Left me with nothing
Much to say
Raindrops like flicking
Pebbles in my mind
Skipping uncontrollably
Movements like derailing
Trains haphazards
I continually wish to
Jump in front of

Cease and desist
Giving way to
Fact or fiction
Dangling your
Dangerous falsehoods
In my face
Puppet
Without a master
Strings cut
Re forecasting
What I yearn for
Covet could never be
Attained in such a venue
Praying aloud
Are my words
Be transmitted properly
Saving face
Seamless waters
They trickle
Supreme being
Never let me down
Life had other ideas
In store
Sanctity I need it
Like a covering of unlimited protection
Shout it aloud
To the masses
The accumulations hamper
Are only
Part of life’s true distractions
If you can stay lost in translation
Till the sun comes up
And the skies don’t swallow you
I am what I do
Not what others say
Bare bones retrieved
Cosmic revelations
Yet to be revealed
Seized by the machines of this matrix
Asking for my happy pill
To alleviate my being

Turn
The other cheek
Good intentions
Never reformed
Sun lit
In the backdrops
Phantom applause
Menaces in a bundle
One hit wonder
Pulsating reruns
Turn the thermostat
Off already
Reiterating clauses
Like a ballad
You can’t get outta your mind
Stuck completely
In it’s clutches
In the shallow
Graves that
Chewed me up
Spit back out to the surface
On the hunt for my survival
Eyes rolling
Shenanigans powerful  
A smugness
Without boundaries
You did your homework
Stalked me to the ends of the earth
And did whatever you saw fit
Full transparency
My manuscript
Was written
By a two faced traitor
A stealer of dreams
Stalker of hope
They stole the words
From right out
Underneath me
Finding
Clarity no more smokey gloom
Teleprompter goes dark in due time

Lethargic movements
Synthetic
Untapped sources
Attention spans
Spinning like
A top
Rising temperatures
Expanding
My unresolved theory
Breaking the riddle wide open
Thistle and twine
The broken branches
That stoke the fire
An extravagant
Grace period in dire need
Of total annihilation
Holding firm in pattern
Endowment
The tears run
In fazes and the treads
Worn thin
The smiles you can’t
Always fake hide behind
In the rubble
Enough similes to
Go around the block
They poke and ****
Like simmering coals
Cold as ice
Far from temporary
Can feel
Like an internal clock
That won’t stop grinding gears
Stain like graffiti  
Feel like the hot summer sun
Burning your character
To a crisp
In the miscellaneous
Shelf’s of your head lie books
Collecting dust
To the outside world
That were never warranted

Bottoms up
Even the chaos
Can speak
A striking
Resemblance shows face
Quieter clusters similar
Cut the
Umbilical cord
Like an umbrella
Drowned out at sea
Music box
Priceless inheritance
Yet the gold is rusting
Reprinting making anew
The fraudulent tones
Fading harmony
Fallen star
Not far behind
The distance between
You can’t fathom
Losing my reality
Swinging from
My pendulum
Pressure cooker
I held my breath to long
It almost buried me
Wiping sweat
From my brow
Deceived by the notions
The lacking of understanding
What’s two feet in front of me
Miscellaneous acquaintances
Mis calculations
Add up
Backfired in a positive light
Patiently awaiting a revival

The startled of frozen,
like a soul's been tasered
a bridge apart to flee,
No wild to be comforted
in homeless of the sheltered,
Mumbling back streets,
of fallacy of the demons.
Anger of a sign "no exit."
Trying but each day's wasted
in my father's shameful eyes,
I have nothing left to say,
flicking pebbles before it rains,
haphazard movement of trains,
I just wish to jump in front of in.


(Jay Jelly)

Swinging from
My pendulum
Pressure cooker
Held my breath
It almost buried me
Wiping sweat
From my brow
Deceived by the notions
The lacking of understanding
What’s two feet in front of me
Miscellaneous calculations
Backfired

(RGH)

The start of misery,
a child's woken ears
to hairy situation
of startled fears.
I'll barely consciously
barely able to weep
in ****** of history.

I whispered my secrets
to darkness of demons,
became my possession
and my repressions
Anger was silence,
and peace was a fleet,
bobbing up in the bay,
and I vision it to this day.

(Jay Jelly)

Bottoms up
Even the chaos
Can speak
A striking
Resemblance shows face
Quieter clusters similar
Cut the
Umbilical cord
Like an umbrella
Drowned out at sea
Music box
Priceless inheritance
Yet the gold is rusting
Reprinting making anew
The fraudulent tones
Fading harmony
Fallen star
Not far behind
The distance between
You can’t fathom
Losing my reality
Swinging from
My pendulum
Pressure cooker
I held my breath to long
It almost buried me
Wiping sweat
From my brow
Deceived by the notions
The lacking of understanding
What’s two feet in front of me
Miscellaneous acquaintances
Mis calculations
Add up
Backfired in a positive light
Patiently awaiting a revival
A duet piece between Jay Jelly and myself.

Untold stories
Display case is empty
Masquerading
Wicked schemes
I hit the redial button
A dad who fled
Rivals we became
Closing time
Before the door even opened
Your voice
Is like a ghost
Yet it haunts the deepest depths
Of my soul
Past transgressions
There was zero excuse
For the stunt you pulled
Left me puzzled
What exactly could I have done wrong Forgiveness for abandoning
A young infant boy
I just can’t get myself to come
To grips with that fact
You pawned
Me before you got
A chance to know your own son
Like I was just a name
On a piece or paper
How did that work out for me
You drove off
A stranger in the mist
Like a bat out of hell
Guess you didn’t wanna be
Caged down
Raise a family you never wanted
And went chasing after what
The mysteries of you
Like a mugshot
Unknown they will never be answered
I’ve thought of you
My whole life far to often
And I could never pawn someone
I gave birth too like you did

Constant reminders
My mistaken
Masterpiece stolen
Canvas cracked
Down the middle
In need
Of a pick me up
I’m tired of the stupid
Games I can’t win
Festering
Radio frequencies
Changing tune
On a dime
Taunting
Telepathic waves
Tricked me for the umpteenth time
My assassin
Has me in it’s scope
Climbing
Up the ladder
Looking for my release valve
A guiding rope to help me
Outta here
Lapses in time
Warmer melodies
Take the hurt away
Endless drought
Then the rainstorms arrived
With the stroke of a brush
I slipped and
Fell again
Awoke in a harmonic dream state
Just let me be still
Here and pray in my pew
Reminders like shooting stars
Fireflies in mass
Like the
PTSD that comes in flurries
I can’t tune it out
Constant flashbacks
An array of madness
Mashes me like a bug
That stir the *** black
The unequivocal soundscapes
That I wanna hear outside the quiet
That my minds always been lacking

Walls are closing in
My wings
Have been clipped
Tunnel vision
Remembering has
Always been my biggest flaw
Boughs down
The grounds shaking
Evil spirits grinning
A waking hell
The mainframes
Been compromised
The fury has just begun
A lackluster life
All due to my polluted mind
Like a sick disease
Where’s my cure at
The real me is in hiding
I’ve never seen him before
When will the madness cease to exist
Waiting till thee ghost is clear
Will the storm clouds ever
Pass completely
Pretending to be okay
Someone else just doesn’t suit me
Entwined the light and the dark
Where’s the compromise
The colors are fading
In my world what’s real
And make believe is beyond me

In the blink
Of an eye
Devastating days
Led to years on thee run
When the storm clouds fade
At thee bottom
Dreaming of the top
What you want
From me you already got
Circle the wagons
Running in place
Not liking what I see
I’ve never been
Able to make amends
With myself
Maybe when
I’m gone they
Can finally take the noose off
Separate my soul
From this mind and body
That has ultimately let me down
Forget about life
That’s a whole other story
Every breath
Becomes harder then thee last
Convincing myself
Too keep my head in the game
When I’d rather just rip it off
Becomes harder and harder
Hindsight is twenty twenty
In my case the complete opposite
Semblance is me pretending
I’m somewhere else
Floating on a cloud
In someone else’s body and mind
My spirit wants what it wants
Freedom to break free
From me for eternity

I wear my
Emotions on my sleeve
Like a straight jacket
The quietest
Person in the room
Yet he writes
With the LOUDEST VOICE
If you knew me
By person
I’m a man of few WORDS
BUT MY POETRY SPEAKS
VOLUMES
MY EMOTIONS ARE THE RAW AND
HONEST TRUTHS
OF A LONELY MAN TRYING TO
FIND HIS WAY TO GREENER PASTURES

Whistleblower
Temptations
I’m fully aware of
As my subconscious
Mind drifts
Swallows me up
Hallucinations bring me joy
Extinction becomes
More and more possible
Hypnotized by a chaotic life
As the doubt creeps
And crawls
The air
Is haunting me
A dream within a dream
Writings on thee wall
Cover up my flaws
Flex out the poison of my existence
As my veins are cleansed
Sedate my
Senses till I become new
Till there’s zero chance
Of me becoming me again
Those voices
That mocked and laughed
Cracked me apart
Had there way
I knew them all too well
Till I was blue
In the face  
They never faded out
They smashed and grabbed
What they wanted
As my head hit the ground
Until my bubble was burst
Sanity was all but lost at some point
Subliminal messages
Appeared without notice
And put a wrench in my spokes

Solar eclipse
In plain sight
Read ‘em and weep
I own
Up to all of it
Despite my best efforts
Those demons
And Convictions
Plied on top of each other
Scattered sins that burned me
Psychosomatic
Red rivers avenge
Truth be told
Body and mind
Incoherent
A deadman’s trigger
Incomplete
Never truly aligned
Seventeen thousand
Five hundred fifty nine days
Of life
Have felt like ten lifetimes to long
Tarnished goods
Windows are stained
Smudged down to the finest detail
Self assurance is shattered
Red skies flaunt
Where did my black butterfly go
To heavy to hold
The melting pieces of me
Cloak and dagger
My souls been
Wrapped up in cobwebs
Cocooned for more then enough time
Blow out the flame
On my candle  
And watch it flicker into thin air
And let me not be stained and shattered
At someone else’s expense any further

The fury
In thee embattled
Moments came
And went without cause or concern
Fabricated me
Engulfing my traumas
Pandora’s box
Took the part
Of me that didn’t belong here
And made it an inferno
My celestial city awaits
And my soul will be comforted
Like never before
Receding censorship
Uneven playing field
Overrun with angst
It’s finally okay
To let go for good
Release the hold of
A troubled lifetime
And give it all to him
Skeleton to dust
A face that once had a name
Now living elsewhere for all eternity Raindrops turned to sunshine
The ash on my forehead no
Longer stings
Fruit from
The wrong tree they fed
Me I ate it
Unapologetically
They helped in my demise
Destroyed my livelihood
******* me up real good
A difficult life I’ve beared
The circles of life
Some far from gratifying
Carved from stone
A stepping stone
One day I’ll ride freely highly above
And have my redemption
Finally absolved of this life
All because of you holy one

Intensely deep within  
The lifeless gravity
Possessed by past images
They run wild
Obsessions a plenty
Sirens buzzing
Tread lightly
Brighter side of grey
It all boils down to this
Why have you not
Treated me better like an equal
Salvage break
Down thee barriers
Revive a one off like me
Please make sense
Of this preoccupied mess
Circulating thoughts
Swallow me
Something all too familiar
Renting space
Has always been a problem
There is zero room
For failure
It getting hard to focus
Is there rest from
My weary mind
Out of touch with reality
I’d rather step out of my mind  
And not return
May I float on a cloud
Of perpetual serenity
One by one slow down already
Cut the cloth null and void
I don’t wanna
Play your ***** games anymore
Staring deeply into your darkness
Has taken the life out of me
As I’ve plummeted to the bottom
All I ask is you leave me alone
And let me unravel quietly without you

Delicate release
All at once
Evaporated
Lingering swells
Envisioning
A sweet ceaseless
Devotion to you
Bottle me up
And throw away
My time capsule
Motionless at sea
Uncharted waters reign
Arsonist
Of my life you’ve done enough harm
Time to blow the flames out
Enough
Of the gallows
That have housed me indefinitely
No more will they
Path of the divine
Show me a better byway
To hell with all this constant
Static and destructive energy  
Pull up the anchor
Put all the criticisms of myself aside
And release me from my sinking ship
Rid me of my decayed baggage
And harmful thoughts
Emotionless indifferences are
Finally settled for good
Let me drift swiftly into your arms
Of forever serenity

Broken records
A vault in heaven
Unlock me
Velvet sky
Ultraviolet
Final time around
Smallest of
Increments
I never glowed
In thee dark
Frozen visionary
Rush of
Blood to the head
Stained glass
No longer resonates in you
Haunting scars
At the end of
The world
My guiding rope fell
The simplest
Things I found a bit
Of comfort in
Who would have thought
Banish the stagnant air
That chokes my inner being
Reeling gray matter
You’ve never been
A gentle creature to me
I’ve seen
All I need too see
I know what I’ve always felt like
The time
Nor place really
Doesn’t matter
Just know it will come
To be true
Turn my darkness into fluorescents
Of guardian angels dancing
Surrounding me in there protection
Taking me in
Transparent skies align
Illuminate my soul into
My true fate
Where my body goes to a sand pile
And my soul is revived
Reflective moments
I don’t want them anymore
Like riding out a lightning storm
Without the rain showers
Drowning you slowly but surely
Opaque not for another day
Not walking around with blinders on
Openly accepting what
Was promised to a believer in you lord

Disturbing my
Fallen dream state became
A wreckage of dire
Consequences it all hits all at once
A heavy fog
Hysterical cerebral influxes
Intensify lead to
Busted minutes
Lost in a spiral of timeless energy
Spaces so unnerving
Shed this horror of a shadow
Beside me
Sew me up and mend
My fallen soul
Mazes of mirrors folding chairs
Breaking
Ring of fire
Let me find my secret garden
Hide me from the darkness that hovers
Eternal distress of flesh and bone
That fought me to the brink
Taught me to hate myself
Wish it wouldn’t have last
More then the first unsettling moment
Defective I never intended to be  
Yet I became none thee less

Culling chatter
Un compromised
Dimming daylight
Sidelined passions
Juxtapositions
Wide eyed
Apples to oranges
My best form
Of communication
Is writing airing
Out my ***** laundry
And it
Comes so naturally
My formulas
Are unique in stature
Reaping the rewards
An inept understanding
To some
Birth of passage
A tedious task
Forecasting what may become
Certain views
When expressed
By a spiral of emotions
Can be unpredictable
A preview
Of what’s to come
Won’t always be followed by others
Instant gratification
Can’t come fast enough
A perfect posture
I’m far from
Illuminating ideas
Conceiving into form
The sweet aroma
Spreads like an inferno
A self indulgent
Trip inside the roller coasters
Of mind
They need to have
Those precise
Precious monumental
Gains to bloom
Wheels are churning
Curiosity
Is peaking it’s pleasing
Head through
Stanzas are slowly being burnt
Into mind like a fortress
And when I write
It may sound haywire  
But by stance will always
Remain the same right in two
Till I’m no longer in the drivers seat

THE GREATEST PRISON YOU WILL EVER LIVE INSIDE IS THE PRISON YOU CREATE INSIDE YOUR OWN MIND
- EDITH EGER
EP 500 | 'FEEL BETTER, LIVE MORE'

Bon voyage
I’ll no longer hesitate
To dismiss
The dystopian urges
Daggers
I can feel the
Pinching of the needles
Over medicating
Stimulating sensations
Embracing me in there hold
Slightly focused
Eyes on the prize
Call off the wolfs
Time is not in unlimited abundance
Each second
Is all so precious
Fulfilling gravity
As the smog dissipates
Today the here and now
What else is there
Tail in hand
Tomorrow will
Never change repeat itself
Stay on the same course
If you don’t allow it too
Like a sponge
The insanity
Eventually has to
Be wrung out
Rearranging the chess pieces
On the board
As hard
As it maybe checkmate
I’m finally
Content to a certain degree
Comfortable in my own way
Fine with my current state of matters
The glass slipper
Finally fits snug
My time capsule
At the edge of the ocean
Bottled up nice and tightly
Won’t be coming back
Setting sail for its maiden voyage
No better time then the present

Unlocking the hurt
How much
Can one truly take
Nobody’s god
Ever saved you from yourself
Pennies for a dime
Glaring needs
Current state of things
Never judge
A book by it’s cover
Can’t seem
To find a melody
Beauty’s in thee
Eye of the beholder
We hide behind are masks
In plain site to feel important
To fit in to what
Create a world that’s fake
So we can escape the true realities
Of life
And not expose are selfs
To the harder sadder truths
What really matters
The things we hate thee most
Become us
Like a game of cat and mouse
Who really wins in the end
Life seems like giant game of charades
Where everyone can feel
Like a winner when they really aren’t

Time we can’t
Get back
All we have is today
This very moment
Nothing less
Let’s make thee most of it
So lost before
Empty dirt roads
Consumed me
I was looking for
A wholesome highway
A light at the end of thee tunnel
Out of the darkness  
I walked alone
For a very longtime
Guarded my heart
Kept my head down
Had no interest
In finding a partner
Or love for that matter
I hid myself
Because I never
Felt good enough
For anyone else
Let alone myself
I’ve had
To make adjustments
Step out of
My comfort zone
And that’s not always easy
Wether I
Deserved you or not
I’m eternally grateful
To have you
It all happened for a reason
Then you came
And now you’ve
Become thee
Best parts of me
Worth seeing
The lord works
In mysterious ways
An Angel appears
When you least expect it
Out of nowhere
You changed my life
Good things come
To those who wait
It was a miracle finally
And I never saw it coming
Like a flower in bloom
I had no expectations
Just a hope of sorts
You were different
Sweet to thee core
Took the time
To get to know
The real me no judgments
A beating heart like no other
Three years later
Through thick and thin
It’s a lot of work
And here we are
But for thee first time
Feels worth it to me
Feels like a dream
Worth waking up too
The lord
He must have known
What he was doing
All along
Bringing us together
Many wrong turns before this
Finally I made thee right one
Then came you

Kiss of destruction
The glass
Was always overflowing
It’s not the
Story I would have written
Time was
Stacked against me
Unlimited anger
And a bitterness
That cut so deeply
Became a deadly combination
How was I too
Put the bottle down for good
Escape thee belligerent
******* inside of me
Not self medicate myself
Into oblivion
Kicking and screaming
At the top of my lungs
To no avail
Fighting against the enemy
Losing track of time
The foggy days piled up
Blackout after Blackout
With nothing to show
The shadows that
Danced on my walls and
In my head never let up
I felt like I was going insane
What would it take
To bottle up the alter ego
That trampled all over me
Most of my life
I had to make a choice
Before my life was sacrificed
By my own hands
Put thee bottle down
And turn it all over to someone else
Who could Handle
Thee things I never could
And give myself a chance to live
A better life

Held up by a crutch
Counting down thee days
Of my demise
My third eyes dwelling  
Over four decades
Of thoughts and memories
That never fade
Piled up
As they continue to evolve
And escalate to unhealthy levels
What’s real is make believe
A better alternative
Rubik’s cubes
Slowly plucking
Away at my sanity
I lay awake
All times of night
Never knowing which
Way I’ll go as the roller coaster
Takes over
The chemicals
In my body
Feel more like poison
Far from comforting
They paralyze me in my tracks  
Where is the real healing at
My mind
Often miss fires
Short circuits
I feel so depressed and blue
Ready to rip my hair out
The happy thoughts
And pleasures last a moment
If I’m lucky
Are quickly replaced
As the bullets fly like no tomorrow
Emotions that run me ramped
Leave me in shambles
Nine times outta ten
Tainted goods I become
A happy go lucky state exterminated
Dopamine trip no where in sight

Magnetic
A ugly grin
Not of my canvas
Superman
To my kryptonite
If there’s no tomorrow
Life’s been
A hard pill
To swallow
After all I’m only human
Flesh and bone
Eventually ashes in a box
I’ve felt sick
But that doesn’t even begin to tell
The full story
Cringing in agony
Imaging an alternative universe
More times then not
Overwhelmed
Handicapped by my own mind
I’ve gone head
Too head with thee worst
This so called place has to offer
Thee violent
Mood swings can
Be so brutal
The highest of highs
Quickly become thee opposite
Where’s the middle ground at
A catatonic state leads to
Def con five moments
Straight down the rabbit hole
You begin to fall
Buckle up
Making life hard to navigate
It’s not right by any means of thee
Imagination

Phone lines are dead
Time after time
Healed never
Looked so fake
In the palm
Of my hand
I hold onto everything
Lonesome blues
The snake bit me again
Shed my skin
The wounds I wear
Make me feel so filthy
I don’t want sympathy
Where exactly has that gotten me 
Tethered soul
I want my great awakening
Love can be so cold
Phony and cruel
And holds nothing back
Turns on you on a dime
You were suppose to be kin
Blood through thick and thin
But I quickly learned better
An outsider I felt like  
Don’t be fooled
Just because the lights are on
Doesn’t make a house a home
I didn’t fit in
Because I’ve always known
Exactly who who you all were
And I didn’t wanna be around that
The negativity always showed
Face it’s true self
Especially when I was always looking  
Over my shoulder
Guess the apple doesn’t fall
Far from the tree
Vilified in the eye of the storm
When will I see my
Truest day in the sun
Receive my pardon the justice
I so deserve  
To leave this sick evil place
And find everlasting peace and freedom once and for all

Skin deep
Slipping quietly  
Into your swan song
Faithfully I am yours forever
A graceful calming
After thee storms have passed
Cradle to thee grave
The walls are finally crumbling
And the cuffs
Are finally dissolving for good
No longer sinking
To the bottom in concrete
There’s no longer a
Need to wanna feel numb
Weightless matter
Starving to be empty
Free from me
Aftermath to
New beginnings
Peace of mind at long last
No more
Free falling
A refreshing light
So exuberant
Why do it take so long
To get to my ending
Resurrected by you
Eternal sunshine
In endless abundance
With no end in sight
For as far as
My soul can see
Everything’s so clear now
My eyes no longer hurt
Where the distorted noises
Of life have been turned off
Completely
And I’m finally healed fully
Arriving better late then never
Or not at all
Unconscious spirit all is quiet
And I’m finally in the arms
Of a everlasting peace
That I’ve been in search
Of my entire existence
For all eternity you are mine
Be still my son

Baby steps
Became leaps and bounds
Waking on ambers
As my truth serum
Takes hold
I’ve stared
My own demise
Deeply
Dead in it’s eyes
Of nothing
Numbs me like it use too
The enemies all around
One bullet
In the chamber
I caved at first sight
A pain that knows
No limits would become
A cancer of a lifetime
Cut me from
Limb to limb
A wound without
Relief in sight
Provoked
By evil spirits
Or just plain bad luck
Fell in my lap
I knew from
A very young age
That something was definitely off
Yet I was defenseless
Just a boy
What could I do
Manipulated by the worst
The debt that
Is owed to me
Could never be repaid    
Not in a thousand lifetimes
The surpassing moments
That fell of a cliff
The damage had already been done
And could not be resubmitted
For approval
My halcyon fallen imbecile dream
Quickly evaporated
Lacerated by more wrong doings
Then one should have to endure
Then I’d ever care to admit to anyone

Empty bottles
Tell there own sorrows
Borrowed time
Wasted days
When it all falls down
Comes apart at thee seams
Fault lines shifting
Harboring silence alone
Looking through
Thee glass
Nothings clear anymore
Kaleidoscope
Storms fill my eyes
Ground zero blisters
When the sun forgets
To rise and thee clouds rain down
On me
The botched minutes
Fall by thee wayside
Seconds feel like days
Ducking and dodging
Every moment
I’m awake
Clenching my fists too no end
Waiting on thee fire
Too set my life aflame
Signs all around me
Holding on to a prayer and a whim
Waiting on the end to come
Battlefields scattered
Endless miles they stretch
A peacefulness
Guess I’ll never know
I miss numbing thee pain
Falling down thee rabbit hole
Forgetting if only for a moment
Sobriety only hurts
More then thee day before
Old feelings resurface
Tear me too shreds
A fight you’ll never know
Unless you’ve gone face
Too face with thee devil inside
Like I have
A frame of mind never
Understood far from kind

Condemnation
Tinted self
My backlit canopy
Couldn’t shield me enough
Optical of the
Universe
Ink my levitation pass
Cryptic skies
No longer a
Bleak atmosphere
Deeper
In thought then ever
The scriptures I hold dear
Closest to my chest
Words of hope
Lift me up
I offer myself up to you
If it will help
The way I’ve been feeling
Evaporate permanently
Circling the wagon
When will my
Sacred heart show itself
Bleed no more
Purity is what I seek
Path to the
Alter is full of obstacles
Patiently
Awaiting my transformation
I’ve taken an oath
To remain faithful
Only visible in the eyes of the beholder
Felt in the deepest spaces
Tarnished walk of life
The whole world in the palm
Of your hand
Yet you’ve profited nothing
You’ve found
You lost your soul
And betrayed yourself
All in the same breath
For what exactly
No amount of riches here
Can compete with what’s
To be revealed
A magic carpet ride
Bathing in the vastness  
No amount
Of riches here
Will bring a steadiness
And truer
Peace of comfort to your soul
Like that of gadol

Start to finish
Flying in
Sequence
Garden of Eden
Biting thee apple
Curtain call
Blue skies
Blossom
Lock in step
Out from
Underneath
It’s time to merge elsewhere
Tomorrow is not promised
Today there are
No guarantees either
Approaching my exit ramp
Pitter patter permeating
Through my bones
A sign of
Things to come
My quiet boredom
May it glisten on repeat
For all eternity
Leave the loud noises behind
As this hyperbaric
Chamber holds
Me still my wheels are turning
I’m ready for my departure
I pray to the man
Upstairs that he will
Catch me if I fall
And wake up in the pearly white
Gates sooner rather then later
Godspeed young man
May all your wishes come true
In the afterlife
It can’t be any worse then it was down here

Home wrecker
Alleviate
The allergic symptoms up
Spun in your
Spider web
Had you been
Waiting long for me
You swung the door
Open wide
Little did you know what you
Were inviting in
Did we love each other
For all the wrong reasons
Out of convenience
As our loneliness ate us away
Romeo and Juliet
We were not
Your kiss was
Like the poisonous
Thoughts in my mind
That stung me till I was paralyzed
On thee wrong paths
Yet somehow we crossed each other
Off the list  
The wrong
Kind of attention soon followed
Bad blood slowly became
Then the bottle drew us together
The only way we could coexist
In the end
For all the wrong reasons
Sewn at the seem
Longer then we should have been
Are shelf life had all but expired
Yet we continued on
Then the floor fell out from underneath us

Black matter
A sickness over ran me
Alive despite it all
Tunnel vision followed
The blisters had ****** me up
Locked down
Where was I
Lost at sea
I wandered this earth
A fool clueless
As to what I was doing
Wasting away inside
Staring at thee same
Screen got me nowhere
Tripping over my own two feet
There had to be another way
Faithful one master of thee universe
I searched you out
Then you appeared
You spoke to me
Like no one ever had
And yet you where there all along
Forward carrying on
I’d rather break bread with you
Then try and figure this
Out all on my own
Because I know I can’t

Gravedigger illuminating
Lonely eyes
Where dreams
Came to die
Loaded gun
Broken
Sifting through stone
Searching for a meaning
Holding on too what
Always fighting
Thee failures of wasting time
Staying between
Thee lines
Has become a bit easier
If I could speak
Now into existence
Why did it take
So long to get me here
Dead end roads
Piled up
Mirrors on thee walls
They lied to me all my life
A replica I’m not
No longer a prisoner
Of the games they played
Mere image of what I used to be
Squashed
That dog won’t hunt anymore
He’s buried and dead
Prettier pictures became me
Blank canvases now of my own choosing
They light up my world to no end
I create what I want
And do what I see fit with them

Battle after battle
Remembering everything
Yet moving forward
The bottles
That I couldn’t
Quit fast enough
The devil almost killed me
A past that will
Never define my whole story
Was never truly me
Only a disguise
I finally took off
The sun
Almost went down
And never came back up
As I struggled to breathe
Keep myself afloat
Looking back
Has become aggravating
As the darkness
Found another place to roam
Other then the hallways in my head
I got sober
I long for much more these days
Battered and bruised
I’ve bled enough
I no longer crave the self medication
That I thought was my way outta here
The poison that numbed me
For a almost a lifetime
Each bottle told a story
All its own
A sad tale of the longest
Lonely days and nights
Of my life
Thee attempt to annihilate my soul
And crush my spirit forever
Was defeated head on
Yet I’m here today standing taller
And prouder then ever
While everyone else thought I
Was a goner for sure
But he had other plans in
Store for me

Daylight ends
Caught between
A rock and a hard place
To close for comfort
Save yourself
Wicked evolution
The dark of me
Never my choice
Hell welcomed
Me with open arms  
And poured vials
Of lifeless feelings into my soul
Depression soon followed
Cold and down
On my luck
The stains that never fade
That which doesn’t
**** you only makes
You stronger
Feed the wolf some more
Add fuel to the fire
The animal within continually hovers
Lying to myself
Wallowing in
My self hatred
Coma blues became all I knew
Screaming loudly
That sinking
Feeling in the pit of my stomach
That wouldn’t budge
Walls that housed my consciousness
As I walked
With blinders on
Stuck in my tunnel of nothingness
Guess it was just easier
To sulk in my sadness
It became an addiction
To just give in and give up
Then to stand tall and fight
The endless halls
That shed my skin
And wore me down
Only made me fearless
As I carved a new path
Against
That which I thought I was powerless against me

Staring through
Thee looking glass
Timelines
Came and went
Never held me in place
Long enough
Like shooting stars they fluttered
Picking straws
Hoping to get lucky
Insecurities a plenty
Chemical reactions
Backfired to oblivion
A recipient of
Buried treasures
Countless dreams that fizzled
Once upon a time
To places only I
Could travel too
Deep in my soul
They broke my fall
Were my temporary crutch
In my darkest moments
Held me together
Blessings fell short
Probably because of me
Every so often
Something majestic
Would come to fruition
Life would pinch me
To remind me I’m still alive
I have a special place
I hold dear
A vault deep inside me
Where
I hold onto all theses special
Encounters
I can count them all on one hand
Keepsakes that I wish
I still held in my hands to this day
That at the time I wasn’t truly
Ready to handle

Nirvana
Hands wiped clean
Sins torched
Debt free
Where the flesh and bone
Went to die
An atmosphere
Like no other
Paradise on a mountain top
Thee all mighty one
Is patiently waiting
He doesn’t pick a side
Where the angels inhabit
And the devils not allowed
Not a care
In thee world
Basking in the clarity
Victory at last
It’s not always about the journey
But the final destination
Should make you glamour for more
Moments stuck in a time capsule
Pushed out to sea
Just leave them where they may
The perfect rain
When thee winds
Stop howling
And all that’s left
Is the bright light of thee sun
Then I’ll know I’ve finally arrived
Home sweet home
Better late then never
Sweeter then anything
I could have ever imagined  
Where have you been hiding
All these years
Right before my hazel eyes
Behind those bright blue clouds in the sky
Enunciate my soul vast universe
And let me stay a while
There will be no more tears in heaven

Flowing echoes
Watching waiting
Hearsay
In the limelight
Winning lotto
Ticket never bought
I would never sell my soul
To the highest bidder
A fools paradise
Is not mine at all
Expired dreams
Fully aware beam me up
Turn the light
Off behind you
Inflated ego not of my liking
No amount
Of fame would suffice
I’m not for sale
Life’s told me it’s overrated
From my vantage point
Has never really
Peaked my trust interest
My genius won’t
Be recognized till
I’m six feet under
If at all
But I’ll be long gone by then
That is up to them to decide
Although my writing
At times
Stops me in a dead sprint
I’m floored by my ability
I just shake my head in amazement
Just a speck
Of dust in this vast sand
A tinny fish
In a big pond
With a voice that more people
Should be paying attention too
But I’m not going to
Hold my breath
Because I’ve been a black sheep
Most of my life
And that suits me just fine

Delicate release
All at once
Evaporated
Lingering swells
Envisioning
A sweet ceaseless
Devotion to you
Bottle me up
And throw away
My time capsule
Motionless at sea
Uncharted waters reign
Arsonist
Of my life you’ve done enough harm
Time to blow the flames out
Enough
Of the gallows
That have housed me indefinitely
No more will they
Path of the divine
Show me a better byway
To hell with all this constant
Static and destructive energy  
Pull up the anchor
Put all the criticisms of myself aside
And release me from my sinking ship
Rid me of my decayed baggage
And harmful thoughts
Emotionless indifferences are
Finally settled for good
Let me drift swiftly into your arms
Of forever serenity

Pessimist
Disregarding
My sentiments or what I fancy  
A quailty of life
That doesn’t seem to hold firm
Ailing me along
Day or night
The object
Not of my desires
X marks
Thee spot
Never ending patterns
A montage of seasons
Like a unsolvable riddle  
Can you tell me
Where exactly I’ve been too lately
Never receding  
Rarely forgiving
******  
A mercenary for hire
Cursing profanities
The outside noises
Pale in comparison
To thee whispering hollows
Of my wicked garden
Perfect illusions
Far from desirable  
More like complacent pillars
Seldomly comfortable
In my own skin
Your opinions
Pale in comparison
To my point of view
In the vacuum of my mind
Deconstructing unrelenting
In irrepressible amounts of guilt
Why can’t I feel like myself
Why must these false pretenses
Flare up
Hold me in positions
That aren’t up to par
Continually stuck in neutral

They used to
Rain on my parade
Roam freely in mind
Depressurize
My infrared paradise
Erase these corroded halls
Mocking birds
Collide
Projectors relive
Stories that never lined up
To my liking
Two faces
Constant tension
Temporary streams invite
Rivers rage
Against my self worth
Why did you create me
Stimulate
My darkest fears
Put them to bed
Simulate my brightest desires
Let them illuminate
And amaze me
Stop thee hurt that leads
To me feeling dead in my space
Lead me to
Train tracks to follow elsewhere
Sympathize
With me a little more
Don’t let them
Mimic my movements any longer
I want to be just like you
Apart from me anyone else
Show me your truest prophecy
Let me resemble
Anything that won’t mimic me
And leave me feeling deflated
Because I’ve already seen
An ample fiery of warfare within

Dragging
Myself around
Wilted roses in my garden
The beats
Had no rhythm
Spotlights blinding
Gave me
Stage fright
My opaque
Image the bottles
That I hid in
My very existence
Felt numbing like a whirl wind
The science
Behind my being
Puzzled me to thee core
Beating on my
War drums defeated
More then I like admitting
As life often came
Bearing down
I never
Wanted fame
Maybe to be
Noticed once in a while
I preferred thee
Shadows
Behind the scenes  
Is where I found the most comfort  
Let alone to be comfortable
Enough in my own shoes
Towards the end
I learned to embrace
My loneliness
As I often reflect
On the journey of so many steps
I’ve lost count
With the finish line in sight
My final destination
A tent revival
The free falls often
Led to overbearing confusion
But what’s left
Of my penumbra remains
Will be reexamined elsewhere
By someone who truly cares enough
About me
More then I ever have about myself

Opposites attract
Chokehold undone
I’ve scaled
Mountains
And seen the bottom
Of barrels
Patience lacking in abundance
Instant gratification
Only harmed
My ego
Frustrations came a roaring
Held me back
Stoic to a degree
I’m still here
Aren’t I
Sensitive to thee touch
I’ve always worn
My pain on my sleeves
I’ve cried I’ve bled
My scars they show regardless
If you stair deeply
Into my hazel eyes
You could see right inside
The depths I’ve treaded water in
Stubborn like a piece
Of metal
I rarely shine
Bend but you can’t
Completely break
I’m not made of glass
Yet I’ve had to be
Put back together many times
To this day still being
Crafted by the chisel above
Hopefully one day
A glowing reflection a spitting
Image of you
One could only hope

The mirrors
They are shattering one
By one shards of glass
Cutting there beings in half
Hand prints
On thee walls fair no better
Falling on deaf ears
Temperate overloading
The great divider
Entombed all this world
Shall one day be
Nazareth
All this is
Probably what you never
Intended it to become
The ringing
In my ears
The stone my heart has become
Hate and division
No love for thee other side
Issues abound
The blasphemy
That stirs
Along with the
Sights and sounds
They all shift to bad intentions
Destruction is only a few
Seconds away
As a matter of fact
The vibes
Down here are
So very alarming
The views are slowly subsiding
I find myself
In the faucets of my mind
Wanting to shut it all off
Bulldoze this
Fake reality that turns
And burns my soul
How complacent these minions
Have become
Bitterness and anger
Is the driving force
The ultimate power and greed
What will ever be enough
For these heathens
Emerge creator of it all
And wipe it all out
Once and for all
Because then there would
Be nothing left for them to
Fight over
Rid the world of its sick twisted
Institutions and self indulging ways

Master to my slave
Taking your
Sweet *** time
False demonstrations overpowered
Glass elevators shattered
Misleading vibes
Wrong floor
Levers I should
Have never pulled
A right of passage
That wasn’t laid out properly
Denied my privilege of free reign
I died a
Thousand times over
Fantasies a fake reality
Could I ever over empathize
That enough
There’s an absolute difference
Take a look around
I need an out route
A backdoor to salvation
Shield me
From my outer self
The holes in my chest
An absolute savageness
That this life has served up
Many a sins that ravaged
If you don’t reveal another
Thing that would be quite
Extraordinary to me
Be my one and only cloak
A way to be revitalized
In another universe
Everything’s out
Of focus keep me in your sight
Conceal me till thee time runs out here
Could it be
The whole time
I’ve been here trying
To convince myself of anything else
That the pale moon light
Has danced in my head like a evil heathen often does

Life’s everlasting
Landslides devour my being
Drown the life
Right outta me
Soak up what’s left
And wrap me up head first
Is there ever
Enough elixir
To wear thee makeup off
Wash away
The razors edge
Taking the cape off
I can’t fly alone
Me versus me
Head to head
It’s always felt
Like a thick fog
I can’t see two feet
In front of me
From where I am standing
Illusions that bind
Mask my fears
And deepest pains
Hold me still when I’d rather not
The infinite sparks
In me that hide my blues
Scariest truest feelings
That make me sick
And keep me going at the same time
How could this be
Hiding me behind my eclipse
Solar flares burning doors
Afraid to come out of the dark
Sedated as the light burns
Me to ashes
As the day walker in me
Turns to sand
When the lights go out completely here

Serenade
Me in happiness
Where was my shining light
Dancing mightily
The devil was having his way
Pennies in
Heaven eroded
Acid tears flooded
Going through
The motions dejected
Untimely
Thee unwarranted
Abuse
Came in all shapes
And sizes
My home
Was where I made it
Wasn’t much
To brag about
Begging for
My voice to be noticed
The pain to wash ashore
A chance at redemption
Cleaner scenery
Aimlessly wandering
Cut from
A different cloth
My upbringing
Held me like
A pit of despair
I never really felt safe
Any sense of real satisfaction
Had flown out the window
Honestly I was very ungrateful
Because of the path of destruction
That hit me like a train wreck
Bitterness stained my heart and mind
And my still frame mentality
Held me in its grasp
To this day just won’t let me go

Red tape
Noisily penetrating
Where’s my quiet
Swan song
As dry bones rattle
A hint
Of understanding
Flew by the door
Framed by
Chewing manifestations
A un mesmerizing
Agonizing wrath
Unplug the lights
Tunnel visions exceedingly bad
Wild fires
Blazing a trail to nowhere
Catch and release
Kinetic energy’s subsiding
Saving every
Second of the day
Meant for someone else
A celebrations in order
Who would have thought
Kinder plateaus will now shine through  
Stranded on a beaten path
No longer still frame
A firmer clasp
Hold onto
The best parts of me
Remember what you want
And disregard the rest
Declining squalls no longer staying between the lines
As the colors of this world fade to gray