If tears were red,
they'd have seen —
my white pillow stained by morning,
red marks blooming on the bedsheet,
on my face,
on my shirt.
My eyes, still puffy,
still red
from the bleeding of the night before —
not from wounds,
but from weeping.
Eyes not meant to bleed,
yet they did.

And still,
no one noticed
the colourless blood I’ve spilled.

they have gone now, we rise, heavy.
air comes clean and you accompany me.
it is a pretty place, with rain we become wet…

i have grown used to the moon
early each morning
waiting there above me

ever growing ever receding
for weeks now
the skies have been perfectly blue

first light prismed in slight violet
lingering just before the breach
of the horizon line

at night the stars
and planets
pierce with warm purpose

a world away
the wolves sing
in the dark woods

a world away
the whales sing
in the deep waters

a world away
we sing
to the ancient music of fire

What to do.
What to say.
What to write.
I feel trapped in every way.
Theirs nothing I want to do,
but lay around all day.
It’s my own problem.
But it makes me hate everyone.
I just can’t get up,
but I should.
I guess life’s burnt me out,
and left me to drown.

Embarrassed
To speak
Shame
It makes me feel weak
Hate this feeling
I want to bury it deep
Hide in the shadows
So I’m not seen
I cringe at myself
And wish to run free
I have so much shame
It’s eating at me
Help me escape
Before the shame defeats me

My parents are mad.
I hardly speak.
I stay in my room.
I can’t ever leak.
I’m sorry I don’t love like you.
Love is earned for me,
and I don’t like hugs like you.
Leave me alone.
I know it’s just a touch for you,
but I really really just hate hugs.

Words--
they confuse
silence
is no abuse

within
is the intrinsic
the outer
the unauthentic