Kiss of destruction
The glass
Was always overflowing
It’s not the
Story I would have written
Time was
Stacked against me
Unlimited anger
And a bitterness
That cut so deeply
Became a deadly combination
How was I too
Put the bottle down for good
Escape thee belligerent
******* inside of me
Not self medicate myself
Into oblivion
Kicking and screaming
At the top of my lungs
To no avail
Fighting against the enemy
Losing track of time
The foggy days piled up
Blackout after Blackout
With nothing to show
The shadows that
Danced on my walls and
In my head never let up
I felt like I was going insane
What would it take
To bottle up the alter ego
That trampled all over me
Most of my life
I had to make a choice
Before my life was sacrificed
By my own hands
Put thee bottle down
And turn it all over to someone else
Who could Handle
Thee things I never could
And give myself a chance to live
A better life

Held up by a crutch
Counting down thee days
Of my demise
My third eyes dwelling  
Over four decades
Of thoughts and memories
That never fade
Piled up
As they continue to evolve
And escalate to unhealthy levels
What’s real is make believe
A better alternative
Rubik’s cubes
Slowly plucking
Away at my sanity
I lay awake
All times of night
Never knowing which
Way I’ll go as the roller coaster
Takes over
The chemicals
In my body
Feel more like poison
Far from comforting
They paralyze me in my tracks  
Where is the real healing at
My mind
Often miss fires
Short circuits
I feel so depressed and blue
Ready to rip my hair out
The happy thoughts
And pleasures last a moment
If I’m lucky
Are quickly replaced
As the bullets fly like no tomorrow
Emotions that run me ramped
Leave me in shambles
Nine times outta ten
Tainted goods I become
A happy go lucky state exterminated
Dopamine trip no where in sight

Magnetic
A ugly grin
Not of my canvas
Superman
To my kryptonite
If there’s no tomorrow
Life’s been
A hard pill
To swallow
After all I’m only human
Flesh and bone
Eventually ashes in a box
I’ve felt sick
But that doesn’t even begin to tell
The full story
Cringing in agony
Imaging an alternative universe
More times then not
Overwhelmed
Handicapped by my own mind
I’ve gone head
Too head with thee worst
This so called place has to offer
Thee violent
Mood swings can
Be so brutal
The highest of highs
Quickly become thee opposite
Where’s the middle ground at
A catatonic state leads to
Def con five moments
Straight down the rabbit hole
You begin to fall
Buckle up
Making life hard to navigate
It’s not right by any means of thee
Imagination

Phone lines are dead
Time after time
Healed never
Looked so fake
In the palm
Of my hand
I hold onto everything
Lonesome blues
The snake bit me again
Shed my skin
The wounds I wear
Make me feel so filthy
I don’t want sympathy
Where exactly has that gotten me 
Tethered soul
I want my great awakening
Love can be so cold
Phony and cruel
And holds nothing back
Turns on you on a dime
You were suppose to be kin
Blood through thick and thin
But I quickly learned better
An outsider I felt like  
Don’t be fooled
Just because the lights are on
Doesn’t make a house a home
I didn’t fit in
Because I’ve always known
Exactly who who you all were
And I didn’t wanna be around that
The negativity always showed
Face it’s true self
Especially when I was always looking  
Over my shoulder
Guess the apple doesn’t fall
Far from the tree
Vilified in the eye of the storm
When will I see my
Truest day in the sun
Receive my pardon the justice
I so deserve  
To leave this sick evil place
And find everlasting peace and freedom once and for all

Skin deep
Slipping quietly  
Into your swan song
Faithfully I am yours forever
A graceful calming
After thee storms have passed
Cradle to thee grave
The walls are finally crumbling
And the cuffs
Are finally dissolving for good
No longer sinking
To the bottom in concrete
There’s no longer a
Need to wanna feel numb
Weightless matter
Starving to be empty
Free from me
Aftermath to
New beginnings
Peace of mind at long last
No more
Free falling
A refreshing light
So exuberant
Why do it take so long
To get to my ending
Resurrected by you
Eternal sunshine
In endless abundance
With no end in sight
For as far as
My soul can see
Everything’s so clear now
My eyes no longer hurt
Where the distorted noises
Of life have been turned off
Completely
And I’m finally healed fully
Arriving better late then never
Or not at all
Unconscious spirit all is quiet
And I’m finally in the arms
Of a everlasting peace
That I’ve been in search
Of my entire existence
For all eternity you are mine
Be still my son

Baby steps
Became leaps and bounds
Waking on ambers
As my truth serum
Takes hold
I’ve stared
My own demise
Deeply
Dead in it’s eyes
Of nothing
Numbs me like it use too
The enemies all around
One bullet
In the chamber
I caved at first sight
A pain that knows
No limits would become
A cancer of a lifetime
Cut me from
Limb to limb
A wound without
Relief in sight
Provoked
By evil spirits
Or just plain bad luck
Fell in my lap
I knew from
A very young age
That something was definitely off
Yet I was defenseless
Just a boy
What could I do
Manipulated by the worst
The debt that
Is owed to me
Could never be repaid    
Not in a thousand lifetimes
The surpassing moments
That fell of a cliff
The damage had already been done
And could not be resubmitted
For approval
My halcyon fallen imbecile dream
Quickly evaporated
Lacerated by more wrong doings
Then one should have to endure
Then I’d ever care to admit to anyone

Empty bottles
Tell there own sorrows
Borrowed time
Wasted days
When it all falls down
Comes apart at thee seams
Fault lines shifting
Harboring silence alone
Looking through
Thee glass
Nothings clear anymore
Kaleidoscope
Storms fill my eyes
Ground zero blisters
When the sun forgets
To rise and thee clouds rain down
On me
The botched minutes
Fall by thee wayside
Seconds feel like days
Ducking and dodging
Every moment
I’m awake
Clenching my fists too no end
Waiting on thee fire
Too set my life aflame
Signs all around me
Holding on to a prayer and a whim
Waiting on the end to come
Battlefields scattered
Endless miles they stretch
A peacefulness
Guess I’ll never know
I miss numbing thee pain
Falling down thee rabbit hole
Forgetting if only for a moment
Sobriety only hurts
More then thee day before
Old feelings resurface
Tear me too shreds
A fight you’ll never know
Unless you’ve gone face
Too face with thee devil inside
Like I have
A frame of mind never
Understood far from kind