sometimes it takes pouring gasoline
and walking away

other times

it’s meticulously, painstakingly
removing debris
on your hands and knees

and learning to try again

Flowing echoes
Watching waiting
Hearsay
In the limelight
Winning lotto
Ticket never bought
I would never sell my soul
To the highest bidder
A fools paradise
Is not mine at all
Expired dreams
Fully aware beam me up
Turn the light
Off behind you
Inflated ego not of my liking
No amount
Of fame would suffice
I’m not for sale
Life’s told me it’s overrated
From my vantage point
Has never really
Peaked my trust interest
My genius won’t
Be recognized till
I’m six feet under
If at all
But I’ll be long gone by then
That is up to them to decide
Although my writing
At times
Stops me in a dead sprint
I’m floored by my ability
I just shake my head in amazement
Just a speck
Of dust in this vast sand
A tinny fish
In a big pond
With a voice that more people
Should be paying attention too
But I’m not going to
Hold my breath
Because I’ve been a black sheep
Most of my life
And that suits me just fine

Delicate release
All at once
Evaporated
Lingering swells
Envisioning
A sweet ceaseless
Devotion to you
Bottle me up
And throw away
My time capsule
Motionless at sea
Uncharted waters reign
Arsonist
Of my life you’ve done enough harm
Time to blow the flames out
Enough
Of the gallows
That have housed me indefinitely
No more will they
Path of the divine
Show me a better byway
To hell with all this constant
Static and destructive energy  
Pull up the anchor
Put all the criticisms of myself aside
And release me from my sinking ship
Rid me of my decayed baggage
And harmful thoughts
Emotionless indifferences are
Finally settled for good
Let me drift swiftly into your arms
Of forever serenity

Pessimist
Disregarding
My sentiments or what I fancy  
A quailty of life
That doesn’t seem to hold firm
Ailing me along
Day or night
The object
Not of my desires
X marks
Thee spot
Never ending patterns
A montage of seasons
Like a unsolvable riddle  
Can you tell me
Where exactly I’ve been too lately
Never receding  
Rarely forgiving
******  
A mercenary for hire
Cursing profanities
The outside noises
Pale in comparison
To thee whispering hollows
Of my wicked garden
Perfect illusions
Far from desirable  
More like complacent pillars
Seldomly comfortable
In my own skin
Your opinions
Pale in comparison
To my point of view
In the vacuum of my mind
Deconstructing unrelenting
In irrepressible amounts of guilt
Why can’t I feel like myself
Why must these false pretenses
Flare up
Hold me in positions
That aren’t up to par
Continually stuck in neutral

They used to
Rain on my parade
Roam freely in mind
Depressurize
My infrared paradise
Erase these corroded halls
Mocking birds
Collide
Projectors relive
Stories that never lined up
To my liking
Two faces
Constant tension
Temporary streams invite
Rivers rage
Against my self worth
Why did you create me
Stimulate
My darkest fears
Put them to bed
Simulate my brightest desires
Let them illuminate
And amaze me
Stop thee hurt that leads
To me feeling dead in my space
Lead me to
Train tracks to follow elsewhere
Sympathize
With me a little more
Don’t let them
Mimic my movements any longer
I want to be just like you
Apart from me anyone else
Show me your truest prophecy
Let me resemble
Anything that won’t mimic me
And leave me feeling deflated
Because I’ve already seen
An ample fiery of warfare within

Dragging
Myself around
Wilted roses in my garden
The beats
Had no rhythm
Spotlights blinding
Gave me
Stage fright
My opaque
Image the bottles
That I hid in
My very existence
Felt numbing like a whirl wind
The science
Behind my being
Puzzled me to thee core
Beating on my
War drums defeated
More then I like admitting
As life often came
Bearing down
I never
Wanted fame
Maybe to be
Noticed once in a while
I preferred thee
Shadows
Behind the scenes  
Is where I found the most comfort  
Let alone to be comfortable
Enough in my own shoes
Towards the end
I learned to embrace
My loneliness
As I often reflect
On the journey of so many steps
I’ve lost count
With the finish line in sight
My final destination
A tent revival
The free falls often
Led to overbearing confusion
But what’s left
Of my penumbra remains
Will be reexamined elsewhere
By someone who truly cares enough
About me
More then I ever have about myself