THEN YOU CAME
Time we can’t
Get back
All we have is today
This very moment
Nothing less
Let’s make thee most of it
So lost before
Empty dirt roads
Consumed me
I was looking for
A wholesome highway
A light at the end of thee tunnel
Out of the darkness  
I walked alone
For a very longtime
Guarded my heart
Kept my head down
Had no interest
In finding a partner
Or love for that matter
I hid myself
Because I never
Felt good enough
For anyone else
Let alone myself
I’ve had
To make adjustments
Step out of
My comfort zone
And that’s not always easy
Wether I
Deserved you or not
I’m eternally grateful
To have you
It all happened for a reason
Then you came
And now you’ve
Become thee
Best parts of me
Worth seeing
The lord works
In mysterious ways
An Angel appears
When you least expect it
Out of nowhere
You changed my life
Good things come
To those who wait
It was a miracle finally
And I never saw it coming
Like a flower in bloom
I had no expectations
Just a hope of sorts
You were different
Sweet to thee core
Took the time
To get to know
The real me no judgments
A beating heart like no other
Three years later
Through thick and thin
It’s a lot of work
And here we are
But for thee first time
Feels worth it to me
Feels like a dream
Worth waking up too
The lord
He must have known
What he was doing
All along
Bringing us together
Many wrong turns before this
Finally I made thee right one
Then came you

SOMETHING LIKE A REVERIE
Volumes
That never shut off
Breathing in
Thee light and dark
Decipher fact from fiction
If you can
Apparitions
Far from a fairytale
Few and far
Shadows and shift shapers
Rolling winds
Ordinary wouldn’t
That be something
Unrelenting
Happy thoughts
Come and go
I wish they’d stay
A little bit longer
How can one
Be alive
Yet deep inside feel so
Dead to a world
He never belonged in
Often things can
Appear to good to be true
So never fall for thee lies
They can be misleading
And spread like wildfires
Why can’t I just stay here a
Little bit longer in this
Make believe place
My reverie dream state
Close the door and lock it up tight
Behind me
When I close my eyes
Things are suppose to be quiet
If only that were thee case
For someone like me
Let these elixirs fill me up
Help medicate my twisted thoughts
And erase thee melancholy
That continually eats
Away at my soul
Make me believe
Maybe for a moment
That it’s okay feeling thee way I do

RELINQUISH
Holy water
Protection from me
Everlasting sunlight
A coat of armor
Thee afterlife
A place of peace
Safe from harm
When the dust
Finally settles
Emerging
From the carnage
My mind
Is a complex machine
And may never go
Completely quiet
But one day
I shall flourish
Without you in complete control
I will no longer be
The fuel on your fire
A match you can just
pick up
A constant victim
Your prisoner no longer
Enough already
It’s been long enough
Scaling back
Turning the channel
Your yesterday’s news
You will no longer
Wrap your arms around
Me like chains I couldn’t
Break free from
I’m putting my sword
Down I don’t wanna
Fight you another day
Here’s to a bittersweet farewell
Goodbye my enemy
Forever so long
I’m surrendering
To a different idea point of view
I’m relinquishing your
Very existence
Dropping the same ole sad songs
And preparing
For my moment of solstice
Along with
A multitude of comforting peaceful
Moments
Deafening blues and gray skies
No longer relevant
I can finally hear clearly
See my light at the end of the tunnel

COMPARTMENTALIZING
Aimlessly catapulting
Mug shot
Tug of war
Capitulating
Dark signs
Gazing bright lights
Gaining momentum
Like a game of charades
An angel without wings
Masquerading
On a ferris wheel straight to hell
The ******
That life threw in
My direction
Like a molotov cocktail  
Watered down sorrows
A lonelier soul
Build me a barrier
To keep the sharks at bay
Holy water tides
Shield me in your grips
My vesper amelioration
Please listen to
My desperate pleas
My calls for you
Triumph and pain
Conquered at last
Melodramatic passages
My upper echelon
Oh how I could savor it
My shrine became
Deconstructed slowly but surly
Discomforting recollections
I could pick
Your savageness out of a lineup
Daedric the face of a demon
Who inhabited my spaces
And violated me
My psychological warfare
Damaged me to a slow *******
Conflicting thoughts
Deconstructed me
I’m in a maze for life
Of unrecognizable things
Like a bad trip
Around the globe
Separating illusions
From actual facts
Is truly the issue at hand
Compartmentalizing way more
The one should have too
Saturated in a unhealthy environment
I always have been

MANIA MY WAKING DREAM
Tragically
The twisted romance
That’s fizzled out
I’ve played
A part in making
Make believing
So compelling it
Almost had me convinced
Facing actual data
Told me the complete opposite
Life sold me out
To the highest bidder me
A constant causality
Fake applause
Death rattle
Catatonic pressures
Fables lye idle  
When will
Thee feelings pass
Honestly I’ve stopped caring
When will my mind and body
Finally catch up
As the real world
Overlaps with fantasy
What’s left over I’ll take the latter
Overlapping dream scapes
The vividness dips it’s fingers in me
It was as if
You were standing
Right there
Then I reached to grab hold
Of you and you vanished like a ghost
Why did you not recuse me
Instead you left me here
Subconsciously unaware
Of my surroundings
Quickly I awoke
From my continual waking dream
Realizing it is what it is meh
The mania running wild again

BYGONE
Wasted filth
No glory in my wrath
Game set match
No one’s gonna save
Me from the memories that haunt
The anxieties swelled
My body’s telling
Me to take a deep breath
And relax if only
A young lad wet
Behind the ears
How could I possibly
Call the shots
My innocence was
Wrongfully exposed
If my fate
Was predetermined I was doomed
Then the limelight
Could never suit
Me well
Give me a side juncture of my own
I’d just like to feel comfortable
In my own shoes for a change
Bitter in the lens
Serious buyers remorse
Self acceptance
Is a very difficult chore
To be myself would be
A beautiful thing
Only wish I felt that way
Knew how to inflate happier
Energy into my deflated body
But what I encountered from childhood
Has the makeup of a hay
Wired mainframe
Caught in a frenzy
The darker side
Was laid in verse
Far from a yellow brick road
Accepting the unacceptable
Never amounted to much
The brick walls
I tried too build
To shield my soul
Numbing as the addictions grew
Coming to grips enraged thee
Unlocking the painful
Past
That I’ve never been immune from
Self sabotage swerved rapidly
They tell me to grow up
When I wasn’t given the
Chance too
Walking in step hoping the ground
Doesn’t cave beneath me
Throwing wood on the fire
Hoping the gasoline won’t
Ignite into an inferno
Wanting to experience some
Authentic moments worth relishing
Later in adulthood
Who are they to tell
Me who or what I am
Can or can’t do
Bygone if only I could take back
What was mine
The years they all stole
They had zero right in doing so
Yet they gladly did

FORFEIT
My talisman
Didn’t show itself
Wasn’t effective enough
Ball and chain
Invalid and rough
Too close for comfort
To little too late
I knew better
But it didn’t seem
To bother them
Pardon me
If I just cant get passed it
How could I
Ever ignore that which
Can’t be forgotten
Forgiven at any extent
Because I’m certainly
Not as powerful as you
Speak to me
In tongues and
Stop the distorted screams
That fill my air
Obstinate I’m to stubborn
To know any better
You could never
Sew up the mistakes
That were on display
I was just a young boy
On display a man far from
A different anatomy
Why was I not so fortunate
My DNA was noxious  
Miscarriage why did you
Bring me here  
What if my head
Was empty
Separated from my body
Who or what could hold
Me back down then
Guide me into a different frequency
A world that’s a bit calmer
And forfeit any record of me having been here