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 Apr 2018 LB Parker
Pax

In another time,
will you still love me?

In another place,
will you still meet me?

In a fleeting moment,
will our stars meet?

I guess I should give up,
knowing you're not there...

but then I'll better wait,
Patience is all I have left...
I want so badly to be put to sleep
just until the end of spring
when school is done with
and decisions are gone
and maybe, just then, i could move along,
for so many worries beat down on my head
and emotions run rampant, to their greatest extent
my body is stressed and nothing comes out
i can't even **** much less calm down...

all i want is peace ...
something quiet and calming...
some comfort
that i fear feels quite embalming

yet every breath I take and every sound i make
somehow burns me at the stake
from anger, yet much more,
a type of bitter vengeance which i abhor
On Life?
Nay, on self.
This frustration damning me to hell
I want to go to sleep
Or somewhere in between

but knowing my luck
it'd follow me to my dreams
... I don't know how to do it...
And here i sit again,
in my cluttered, darkening room
clean clothes hang off my bed,
falling rather soon

it hasn't been cleant in months now
as I live out of a bag
that hasnt been set out since
I went back to live at my dad's

and I look at a list that's longer than a symphany
of things I have to do
at an assignment I haven't yet started
that tomorrow it is due

I sit in a chair that's hardly comfy,
and sink down to the floor
in an attempt to get myself going,
to think, which i abhor

but i then drift back to the carpet,
staring at a blank poem document
wanting such valued words to flow
but i just run into hard cement

and just as the days go by
through school, appointments, and houses,
nothing changes with my mood
and clear thoughts become ever clouded

so i stay up until the sun starts to rise
and get ready for school
and less than three hours later
I'm back to the rules

And, i tell myslef each morning,
just as i did at night
that i need to stop doing these things
just need to turn off the light

then my jaw clenches so tightly
that I'm afraid my teeth may split
and my stomach feels so knotted
caused from something deep within
and they tell me to just keep waiting
'til things go from thick to thin,
but, I tell you, they just don't get it,
this is nothing that transmits
i sit and shut my eyes
even for a moment
a blink or flutter
and i think i'm somewhere else
a lapse of time, a micro dream
i'm in a different place
i can't correctly describe it
but the way i feel is clear

its quiet, it isn't calming but its not threatening
its always dark and always a room of some sort
whether it be a bedroom or a classroom or my car
everything is still, dark, there's no temperature or wind
but i'm not numb either
and a door's always open, or a window
but everything is the same, a dark charcoal color with a tinge of blackened blue

it lasts for a micro of a micro second and i only can describe it because of how many times ive seen it

but then i become frightened because of how confused i feel
like there is something not quite right about the things which i see
then my brain wakes up and the light is seeps back in with a foreign sight before me
of a book, the wheel, a screen, a wall, or someone talking
and it all comes flooding back, at least some of it
but i still cant shake what happened and the panic that was felt
that brief moment where you belong nowhere and questionably may exist
because it feels so real in the moment as if ive teleported there

it doesnt help
not one bit
and nowadays i am exhausted. as if, in my youthful years, my body has given up. a sickly, ghastly pain keeps me awake 'til daylight. and now i forget those dreaded nights just to replace them with sweat-filled frights, for when i lay to rest there is no more escape from the ghost in my gaze...
 Apr 2018 LB Parker
Rj
Higher Ground
 Apr 2018 LB Parker
Rj
We pass by and it’s dark
And it’s late
And the sky is just as purply orange
And the air is just as hazy
And the temperature is just cool
I don't write poetry anymore
I was lying on my bed lost in my thoughts and I realized I don't write poetry anymore
I used to write so much that my fingers would be sore
and that my words would almost become a bore
but now I don't write poetry anymore.

At some point in the last two years I stopped writing
blame life, blame time
blame the fact that maybe I forgot how to rhyme
Okay, I didn't forget how to rhyme but maybe I forgot to be passionate.
I don't write poetry anymore

Words and thoughts and ideas used to pop into my head
and I could not keep my fingers on the keyboard as they fled
fled from my head
fled to the page
whether fueled by passion or by rage
I had things to say and words I wanted heard
and now it seems so absurd
I have no ideas, no thoughts come to mind
I know poetry takes time
but
I don't have much time
things to do and people to see
the world seems to expect so much out of me
two years have passed and I almost forgot this task
task of passion and of heart
task I had fallen in love with from the start
words mean so much and I love to write
I guess that is why I am here tonight

I had this thought and it shook me to my core
this hobby I used to adore
time I used to feel I had a purpose for
but now my fingers have forgotten how to soar
my thoughts and ideas are poor
I guess that's why
I don't write poetry anymore
Getting back in the game because life is too short to loose sight of your passions
 Apr 2018 LB Parker
Rj
Do your hands move like the flame of a fire
Twitching and itching to possibly inquire
About the state that your mind has fled
About a fascination with being dead

Does your chest open up like a cave
Dripping cold, like a still-living grave
Can you shout inside and hear the echo
Is it your own voice telling you to let go

Do your legs hold you hostage from sleep
Do they move so your thoughts don't get deep
Or are they moving to make noise with the sheets
So your ears and midnight silence will never meet

Is your face more of a house but not a home
Something seeming foreign to what you've known
A room in which you sleep but isn't yours
Impossible to tell the ceiling from the floor

Does your heartbeat jump to conclusions just like mine
Or is it calm and slow and steady all the time
Does it leap into your head and cause a scene
Or is it glued to the cavern's walls without a dream
 Apr 2018 LB Parker
Lizzie
;*
 Apr 2018 LB Parker
Lizzie
;*
You make me feel light as air, gazing at the world without a care...
 Apr 2018 LB Parker
Lizzie
Bliss
 Apr 2018 LB Parker
Lizzie
You make me feel like I'm floating in the darkness...
When your lips touch mine it's like I can finally breathe...
And when you hold me close, pressed against your firm body, you make me feel safe, and protected...
I hope to be the star in your darkest nights, and the warmth you feel on your lightest days...
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