The numbers are sparse
Nobody here is
Searching accolades
Maybe the search is within
By putting our poems without
Sometimes you can’t see something right
Til you put it to another’s eyes
That must be what the search is for
In art and poetry
I’m putting all this out there
In a search for me

I wanna work you twice over
Sweaty and dirt
Roll around in the hay
But just as importantly
I wanna do all the things that will lead us that way
This ain’t gonna be
A one night stand
Shoot
You ain’t gonna stand when you’re flat on your back
And who knows how many nights we’ll do that

The only thing worse than being ignored
Is negative recognition
When people who don’t like you
Go overboard
In hating , **** talking, and dissing
Most of the times
It’s in whispers
And everyone loves to listen
Negativity seems to be
More popular than things that are sweet
I suppose loving the drama and rotting  meat
Is part of being a human being

Sometimes it’s almost subconscious
My attention goes to you first
I pretend I don’t notice
The warm in my skin
Over anything you’re in
I think you try to impress me
Or maybe somebody like me
I can tell what you’re looking for
And it’s something I think I might already be

If I wasn’t angry
I’d be wishing you a happy birthday
But since I’ve got an attitude
With you
(For good reason, too)
I will not be wishing you a happy birthday
This is not me hoping you’re having a
Wonderful day
Lots of joy and happiness all in your way
I didn’t come here to say
I hope you have a happy birthday
In fact
I forgot all about it
What day is it today?
Probably not your birthday
Which is why I am not here
Shhhhhh
That wasn’t even me

Cryin' on the corner, waitin' in the rain
I swear I'll never, ever wait again
You gave me your word but words for you are lies
… Darlin' in my wildest dreams, I never thought I'd go
But it's time to let you know, oh
… I'm gonna harden my heart
I'm gonna swallow my tears
I'm gonna turn and leave you here
… All of my life I've been waitin' in the rain
I've been waiting for a feeling that never, ever came
It feels so close, but always disappears
… Darlin', in your wildest dreams, you never had a clue
But it's time you got the news
… I'm gonna harden my heart
I'm gonna swallow my tears
I'm gonna turn and leave you here
… Darlin' in my wildest dreams, I never thought I'd go
But it's time to let you know, oh
I'm gonna harden my heart
I'm gonna swallow my tears
I'm gonna turn and leave you here

I don’t know if I’m a blessing disguised as a wreck
Or just a wreck
I haven’t figured myself out, yet

Winning, and losing
Wanting, and choosing
What it be
Maybe we see
Already

Is it passion
Or insanity
Are the two
Really one
And the same
Separated by success
Insanity if you lose the game
And passion if you win
Even if you’re obsessed
Encouraged and egged on
Making money
There’s no need to rest
Try your best
They say
But that’s really a lie
Depending upon what you try
Some are the best alcoholics
You ever did see
The drinker feels very passionate
About his insanity
Some are the best in business
That means they’ve achieved
Permissible insanity
They call passion
But really
It’s all the same to me

I brought it down in flames
Purposely
But there’s only so long
A pilot can circle
Before they become
Kamikaze
Blew it up on a cliff
Spectacularly
But that’s what happens
At the death of a dream

I have shared many poems on here
And then I got kicked out
It's been more than the required time
And my unshared poems all shout
"Please let us out
Express us forth!"
So I come here
Begging for recourse

It hit the skids
Heading towards the *****
Of what can maybe happen
When you start talking about it
Led via vindictive
To a place unrecognizable
Becoming
Becoming
Less than we should be
Over the promise someone else
Will have it worse than me
And in knowing that
I will gladly
Pass my vote to thee
Make a big show of it
How strong we be
And put an end to our collective
Victim mentality

Would it help if I cried
Out loud
Instead of keeping it
Inside of me
Silently
Choked throat
Stuffed full of
Heart’s bloat
Burning holes
Through fat rolls
Tearing up
Inside of me
Weight on chest
So heavily
Would it help if I
Let you see
How painful it be?

Some days I feel defeated
Energy depleted
Ungreeted
Unhalfway meeted
Walking down this endless street
Blisters all over my feet
You pass by, occasionally
You look, but you don’t see
Ignoring how hungry I be
It’s not your fault that I don’t eat
There’s a buffet in front of me
But I only want your meat
I’ll starve, rather than eat
Anything but your treat
Wasting away, so skinny
Self-imposed defeat

I can’t let go of what I never had
Except an illusion
Goodbye mirage of what it could be
I displayed to you the true me
And you glanced, maybe
Occasionally
But pretended you couldn’t see
I’m done displaying
But I am not yet free

It's the mundane
That causes so much pain

We could all be popular poets
I suppose
If we could just figure out
How to create prose
That doesn't offend, pretend
Or make peoples' tempers explode
But what's the point of juvenile
Hearts and curly Qs
You're not saying anything worthwhile
If you're not stepping on some shoes

I bet your skin
Tastes like salt and lemon

When I’m feelin’ cocky
I think of your ****
And even call it a ****
Most other men have a ****
(Some got a little *****)
But yours is a ****
I’m gonna get it hard as a rock
And ride that hammer around the block
Leave your *** in shock
And you’ll be on lock
….
****, just thinking about it….
Hot and flustered and blushed and  brash
Excuse me, for now
Gotta go…. um…take a bath

I tried and tried and tried for you
I wished it for me
But also you, too
I woulda made you happy, Boo

Now that you’re on my radar
You are suddenly
EVERYWHERE
That guy has your name
That guy has your frame
And that other guy has your ****** hair
I’m currently being haunted
By all these reminders of you
You’re practically omnipresent
Like no mere mortal should be able to do

It was less a move towards him
As it was
A move away from you

I am fully expecting you to
Shine your light through my cracks
Whether it be not by intent
Nor whim
Doesn’t make the light dim

There is no prince upon a steed
Galloping here to rescue me
No Hobbit fulfilling a destiny
Riding high upon a walking tree
If I wanna find a hero
I’ll have to find her in me

How can it be
You have this invisible hold on me?
Unrealistic insanity
Willingly
By me
It’s not unhealthy
Nor ugly
Or something that needs to be feared
But obviously
It’s kind of weird

He gives me a sip
From which I produce a flood
Run dry soon
And parched
Waiting for rain
Again
I suppose the dry times would be worse
If he knew how much I thirst

I want to taste your sweat
I want to lick clean your ***** places
You’d like that, I’ll bet
I want to untie the knots in your muscles
I want to light the fire under your hustle
I want to make you laugh down in your belly
I want to dance until our legs are jelly
I want to honor you as my muse
I want to feel put to good use
I want your partner to accept a truce
I want you to take a break from the flute
Go down into your roots
Ya Boi likely wants that too
I want to be invisible
To everyone here, but you
I want to be your muse
And for you
To put me to good use

Can I force it?
What will come to me
Inspirationlessly?
Nothing to say
All the space to say it in
And a brain all too thin
On ideas and big thoughts
What can little thoughts be?
Meaningless nothings
Wasted on a brain
Almost insane
Wanting to say
Something, anything
Waste paper space
But starting is something
Every poem needs
Even the waste of paper ones
Paper is worth wasting on potential

I keep acting like I want your attention
The truth is
It’s terrifying
I’m the moth who cannot resist the flame
And however I meet it
I will not be the same
I only have myself to blame
The journey of burney
I take willingly
Knowing it probably won’t end
EVER
For me
Maybe I can make myself believe
That’s how I really want it to be

Is there something there?
Or is it thin air
How can it be
My inability
To see what’s right in front of me?

She is pock marked, scarred
And alienated
So misunderstood
Often, celebrated for her beauty
Scars ignored
Crater pimple face
Injuries
Spotlighted
Unforgiving
It’s like staring at the fattest person in the room
And celebrating the rolls
If only we human beings
Could see other people
And ourselves
With the same loving bias
With which we view the moon

It’s hard to be done
With something
I never really got to start
Can a finish be before a start
Or did I start
And get no where?
Is that starting?
And can it be finished
When there’s still so many questions?
I suppose acceptance rarely comes
With answers from anyone
Other than myself

The joke
Is on you and me
And every single one of us
Occasionally
There is not one
Among
So **** cool
That they never played the fool

Twisted mind games
Don’t age well
In text
Used to be the users and losers
Got lost
In undocumented abyss
And now
There’s the flood of proof
Often swimming with tides of
Same stories
Realizing similarities
In so many other bodies
A relief and yet a curse
Your pain becomes irrelevant
Against so many others
Who have had it worse
Twisted mind games
Commonly unique
Sounds all too common
From anyone who speaks
Some went on for far too long
Others got out quick
But most of us
Have been burdened
With loving something sick

I haven’t yet found Home
But I’m pretty sure I know
Which direction to go

I’d like to call myself a master at this game
But I’ve failed every time before
Must have some success in store
And if there ain’t
I don’t wanna play no more

I want to love you
And hold you
And lick you all over
Even **** on your sweaty toes
(among other things)
I want your body to feel so
Relaxed and at peace
I want to have you moaning for me
I want to rub you and cover you
With kisses
Make you exclaim
“What GREAT loving this is!”
As you lay on my reverence altar
While I worship your sacred manhood
Recently lovingly bathed by me
Your magnificent, beautiful body
Oiled and primed
I’ll take my sweet time
From head to feet
Feet to head
Lots of time in the middle
Boo
You know I got sumthin’ waiting for you
To make happiness spill from your pores
And just so you know
It’s only yours

It could potentially be
Something epic between you and me
Don’t you wanna see?

I have set myself free
Wondering if someone will come after me
It can’t be just anybody
He’s gotta be a special somebody
To me
Maybe he doesn’t exist
Or he’s someone from the past I missed
Lots find their one
I hope I am one of them
Who doesn’t have to wonder
About their someone
For all my days, until they’re done

You the closest to perfect
I ever seen
Any place I’ve ever been
Might’ve had someone good
Beautiful
Smelling like fresh cedar wood
But it’s deeper than that
What comes from you
It’s pure and raw and true
Goosebumps galore
From every pore
Wish you’d bang me til my
***** was sore
Til that poor kitty cat can’t take no more
Settling some ancient score
Finish spent
To refill the core

It would take acknowledgment
Whether it came
Or whether it went
Something sure must be sent
But not yet
Maybe
Never

Rock my brain
******
Of the main vein
Give me tingles
Make me wish I was there
Connection via thin air
Through your poetry
You can bring you along
And I will bring me
It’s magic, really
Connection via poetry
I give you the power
To do that to me
Oh so willingly

Sometimes I dwell and berate myself
Over details that should remain on
The shelf
Why did she say that?
What did he mean?
Who are these people?
They are nothing to me!
Yet I work myself over
Replaying the scene
Figuring on what might have been
I think maybe it might be everyone's
Fate
To have the perfect comeback
An hour too late

It’s done and through
And I am grateful for you

You are like a window pain
All fogged up and wet from rain
You like to think you are see through
But you're hidden behind
That foggy view
You are not so crystal clear
You distort it all
My dear
Vapors clogging up the sight
Can't see between
What's wrong or right

I’ve invited myself in
To an imagination *******
Gonna get me sum
And give it my best
In the beautiful man fest
I’ve created just for me
Imaginarily
I go as far as it can
In every fantasy

She’s volatile
And weak
But growing and healing
So to speak
So she speaks
Words volatile and weak
Turns round
Through
Speak

Endings aren’t happy at first
But after you’ve been through
What feels like the worst
Dark nights
And dark days, too
The sun will rise
And shine on you
The road had turned
Into a path
Smaller and smaller
Scooting on your ***
Covered in brambles
The plan is in shambles
And your flip broke away
From it’s flop
In bare feet you plod and trop
Still, you’re not gonna stop
Past the ending
Toward the new start
And this is the journey
With matters of the heart

This place ain’t
For the faint
Of soul
Diamond hardness
How we roll
Maybe some newbies might see
Weakness, bleeding,
Free people crying to be free
** humming and woes
Created for prose
And maybe some laughs
Too
But each human emotion
Celebrated or cursed
Sometimes a cross of the two
All of that is not
Something the faint-hearted would do

He doesn’t want to see me
Whatever his reason be
But there is no way
I can’t take it personally