I wish to be seen
Ideally from you
But whatever
Wonderful man will do
He’s out there somewhere
He must be
The ever elusive
One for me

The things I almost say
Might be
The mountain I must climb
To arrive at my peak
Grit my teeth
And speak

I want to shake your spirit
I want to rattle your demons
I want to get you caught out in the rain
I want to pinch your scars
So you can feel how numb they are
I want to bring your growing pains
And massage them out again
I want to be the storm before the calm
I want to set off every alarm
I want to make you want to run away
I want to be what makes you choose to stay
I want you anyway
Any **** way

I got some razzle
Zero dazzle
What am I supposed to do with that?

I listen to the wind
Talking to me
Tales of places it’s been
Cheeks flushed
Sails pushed in a clutch
Skirts hoisted unabashed
Jackets opened
Chests aflashed
Windy days artistry
Monet from the sea
Bringing life to the leaves

You call to me
Against your will
You do it still
I know you probably
Wish for me
Set both of us free
But that’s what I believe
When I don’t let myself dream

I’ve run out of songs
I think
New things to say
Don’t come my way
I am my own shrink
So I say what I say
And I ain’t got any special today
This won’t become a habit
Hopefully

I’m stuck on you
Against my will
Hostage to your neglect
The things we humans self inflict

Wat of if I loose my mind?
Sometimes?
Is that ok with u?
Can I be tru?  
My ugly too see
Numerously
When u look at me
Must be

There’s a saying about being on the wrong train
Get off at the first station
It says
But sometimes it’s best to
Just to see where the train goes
One never knows

If I disappeared
Who would it matter to?
Surely not you  
Brought it hard as I could
I thought I did real good
It’s an acceptable failure
For me
At least
The way I see

I don’t blame you
The distance you keep
I’d be doing it, too
I got a lotta **** wrong with me
And I haven’t a clue
What you see
From the distance you keep
And it could also be
That you see
Better than me
My blame could be
The dot in the distance
Focused perpetually
On a reluctant fantasy
Which any smart fantasy
Would be

Imperfection within myself
Present, surely
But you ain’t gonna make me see
When you say it meanly

If you were a bunny
You’d have the fluffiest, cottonest tail
If I needed to carry water
You’d be the pailiest pail
If I needed to cross the ocean
You’d be the windiest catching sail
If you were a day
You’d be the most breezy and sunniest
If you were a fried egg
Your yolk would be at the perfect runniest
If you were a lawn
You’d have the greenest, softest grass
If you were a dump
You’d have the cleanest trash
If you were a beach
Parking would always be free
If you were a plant
You’d be the tallest, most beautiful tree
If you were a mother
You’d be the ****** Mary
If you were a telescope
You’d reveal every sight in the universe to see
If you were a drug
There would be no side effects
If you were a journey
You’d be the Everest trek
If you were a drink
You’d be the purest water known
If you were a light
You’d be the shiniest one ever shone
If you were stairs
You’d be an escalator
But since you are you
You’re the greatest of the great
At what you do

All that **** wrong with you
Well, I see that too
What’s a girl supposed to do
When she sees the blue
And somehow
It’s the perfect hue

If I never caught up
Can I fall behind?
Staying just short of the line
Yet never running out of time
Perpetual loss normalized

Time disappears
The blurry becomes clear
The power of writing poetry
Almost immortality
As much as any human could be

Is it invisibility
If you can sometimes see
A shadow of me
Worse or better
I can’t say
Since you choose to look away
I suppose I’m still happy
That someone might see
And they feel me
Inspirationally
I describe
What they feel
If I was a toy
That would make me real

Tolerance
Doesn’t speak loud enough
It doesn’t defend itself
It simply exists
Quietly

I’m probably s’posed to write you something for Valentine’s
You are mines
Quirky as it be
It means something to me
As such I hope for you
A day spent with love so true
Whoever she be
Though not me
I hope today you see
True love
So completely

So how’s this Valentine stuff work
Must it be a mutual deal
Or can I claim you as my Valentine
If to you it isn’t real?
From afar, unbeknownst,
Someone sending love notes
Every single day
Obviously, whatever the time
You are my Valentine
I don’t have to be yours for you to be mine

Poetic justice
Time dismissed
Sometimes it happens
A century after
One’s written it
Is that still justice?

I recognize the alchemy
Of the unseen
It exists independently
Connection clean
Or *****
Who knows
What it be
Nobody
Unless we see
Maybe it’s only me
Who needs to see
In which case I apologize
Profusely

Rejection is a kindness
Sometimes
Chasing after someone so fine
He doesn’t allow false hopes
Weighing upon my mind
If he is kind
Dangling  ‘pon invisible ropes
Is really my own
Responsibility
He doesn’t owe rejection to me
And it’s not as if I want to be free
I gotta want after somebody
And if it must be
Ain’t nobody better than he
As far as I can see
I see almost perfectly
With my whole body
He is kind
The **** is me
That must be
According to what I see
But still, I feel
He is not kind to me
I accept I’m probably
Thinking narcissistically
Part of me
He can see
Easier than me
Why we do not be
I accept realistically
And I am actually free
To chase after anybody
It so happens to be
He

It must be an ugly side
I display
How can I not
When I display so openly
Of course there is an ugly side
I cannot see
Glaring obviously
To everyone
But me
I been kicked around
Occasionally
Some of those bruises never leave
Become invisible to me
Eventually

I am the for whom
The bell tolls today
I am a toll worthy lady
More than today
For me
The bell tolls frequently
Bells must have the ability
To toll silently
Obviously
Bells are deaf
Not me

Sitting within myself
Belief in my wholeness
Bringing my light
Letting it shine
Most of the time
There’s no way to escape
Uncertainty
Occasionally
But that is not me
I have a powerful destiny
Maybe through this poetry
And maybe after I no longer be
These poems might still speak for me

It’s not personal
You’ve got your reasons
Nothing to do with me
I don’t need to know why
There is no how
Here and now
It wasn’t even a season
Nonexistence
Can’t reasonably be missed
Can it?  
And who cares, anyway?
Unreasonable feelings are just as strong
Unjustifiably
Unknowing of you and me
Feel like it cuts so deeply
Itches unscratched
Eventually go away
Someday

Do I owe an explanation
If I disappear
Ghosting the ghost
Who never did hear
What good is a dramatic exit
Of an empty room
No doors to slam
No wheels to burn rubber
All this flim flam
Forever undiscovered
Time
Effort
Heart on a sleeve
Wasted speech as I leave
Empty

I miss the beautiful parts of you
Tender moments
And fresh air breaths
But you’ve got ugly parts, too
Angry, mean, and lots of mess
I can’t have one without the other
It’s just who you are
Uglier than beautiful
Unkind words bashing
In my skull
Pushing away against the pull
You can’t be what you are not
And I cannot be blind
I refuse to go through
Thickets of ugliness
To find a tiny field of kind

All the effort I put in
But he don’t owe me anything
This must mean I’m not a stalker
I’m just an over-talker
My crazy is kept mostly at bay
But that’s probably something
All stalkers say

Poetry is honesty
Dipped in
Chocolate
Or poo
Depending on the poet’s mood

Is it passion
Or insanity
Are the two
Really one
And the same
Separated by success
Insanity if you lose the game
And passion if you win
Even if you’re obsessed
Encouraged and egged on
Making money
There’s no need to rest
Try your best
They say
But that’s really a lie
Depending upon what you try
Some are the best alcoholics
You ever did see
The drinker feels very passionate
About his insanity
Some are the best in business
That means they’ve achieved
Permissible insanity
They call passion
But really
It’s all the same to me

I have no idea
Which ideas you have
Nor do I want to hear
(****, man!  Nothing rhymes with have)
And this is relevant to me and you
We do not rhyme
And you must know that to be true

Failure is certainly an option
In fact, it’s probably how it will be
If I ever admit
I’ll no longer compete
As long as I keep trying
I haven’t really lost
And so
Here I am
Not winning like a boss

I want to know me
But how can that be?
My mind is my only knowing tool
And it is capable of delusion
I want to believe
I’m good and trustworthy
But my eyes see
Grey areas and excuses
Slanted favorably
Towards me

Your loss, boo
Though you’ll never feel it
Missing something you never knew
Hitting me much harder than it hits you
But that don’t make the loss less true
Just because you never knew

No apologies
You never owed a thing to me
And everything I gave was free
I should be thanking you
For treating me respectfully
You could have made a circus show
With me the number one clown
You gave me a reason to grow
And did not let me down
Thank you
Thank you
Sir
You’ve been a noble man
And I know it ain’t going anywhere
But I dream because I can

Would it help to complain?
Claim that I am losing my brain?
Put all of my issues onto your back
Give a guilt trip that you’re all I lack
Pretend to fall apart
Bring all kinda darkness into my heart
Give up on my art
Disappear
For nearly a year
With no explanation due
Would that get me
Some attention from you?  
What should I do?
Is my only option to get over you?  
Apparently so
I don’t need you to tell me
What I should already know
All of this is of no use
And it’s not on you
That I refuse to see the truth

Did you see that?
I almost put my foot down
And then picked it right up off the ground
No wonder you avoid me
I’m dancing like crazy
Foot up, foot down,
Foot on up again
Repeat ceaselessly til who knows when
It’s impossible to stand
Stuck doing the kookie dance
Compulsion happenstance
Or maybe ants in the pants
Woefully lacking in I can’ts

Listen
You little **** (I’m sorry)
I’m obviously not getting over it!  
It may be a blessing
It may be a curse
You may be the best
You may be the worst
I am here with all this obvious thirst
And instead of sending me to the next saloon
Or opening the door and giving me room
You leave me out here howling at the moon
Foolish me, just can’t get over it
Chasing after you little **** (I’m sorry)

Do you believe you deserve it
That spot upon the throne you sit
Does your soul feel unworthy
Too lame, too old, or too tame
Lots of losers shine real bright
For lots of nights
Lots of playas **** at the game
Even with luck, they’re famous but lame
Many ones can deliver some vibe
Created with machines that ain’t even alive
Lots claim to be the best
Without daring to test
Lots of sleepers take too long of a rest
And some of them never wake
How long you gonna keep hitting the snooze?
How do you not know that art has no rules?
Silly fools
Me and you
One giving up
The other refuse

I would pray for you
But it would be too selfish of me to
God has people asking for working legs
Or to cure a devastating disease
God is filled up to overtime
With desperate victims of crime
In need of justice
Or maybe just peace
I have everything I need
I can’t ask for God to waste time on me
You are worthy of praying for
I certainly do agree
But I ain’t got it in me
To waste God’s time
With my dreams
There might not be another way
Than divine intervention
But if it takes all that to get your attention
It isn’t meant to be
And God shouldn’t sacrifice you
To make me happy
I wish we could be
But it isn’t fair to pray for thee
I may be a sinner
But I’m not unworthy
At least, I try not to be

They say “follow your dreams”
But for how long?
Before there’s a path until after it’s gone?
What do I do
When unfortunately
My dreams have no interest
In being pursued by me?

I refuse to be abused
And then silently
Take your fury
Over some imaginary
Hurt to you
Supposedly
Committed by me
I’m willing to self reflect
But not about how I reacted
When your foot was upon my neck
Take your unwept tears
Insisting that you’re crying
Take your persistent lying
Take yourself right out my door
And when you get tired
Walk some more
If you ever see me
Please ignore
I don’t even know you
I’ve never met the real you before

Keep your trash
Keep your dust
Keep your old bike full of rust
Keep dead leaves upon your lawn
Keep the reasons you won’t turn the lights on
Keep your old, familiar ways
Keep your always the same days
I can’t make you drop antiquity
But I can make you not keep me

I ain’t the flavor you savor
And that’s fine with me
I’m ok being coffee
When you prefer tea
I am not so needy
That I need to please everybody
I’ll continue to be me
Distantly
And that’s how it be
Fine with you
And fine with me
And as far apart as we are
Is where we should be
On this we can agree

I don’t feel free to speak around you
You’ve got a regressed view
A man who ages
But never grows up
Still mentally stuck in a rut
I tolerate your presence
But you haven’t made the friendship cut
And I’d tell you all this
And exactly why
If you were the kind of guy
Who could listen to advice
But you’re not
So I will remain distant and surface nice

Cut off
Your loss

My ego is such  
That I don’t let much
Bring me down
Or make me boo hoo
If you block me
I feel sorry for you
You’re the one missing out
On all my cool