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K J McCarthy Mar 16
Ill be your landfill, your dump, your wasteland
Unload your baggage and burdens on me
Discard the blame like a sea of crushed cans and garbage
Piled as far as the eye can see
Litter me with the accountability you avoided to sleep soundly
While my pillow holds mountains of hopeless thoughts and shattered dreams
You just needed a villian for your story
A sacrificial goat for your alter of self loathing
You thought that if you made them hate me
It'd be validation to treat me like you treat yourself inside your head.
I will escape your abuse but you will always be stuck with you.
Ill see you at your bedside, when you're paralyzed with remorse
These yellow eyes glow behind the closet door
My presence hangs heavy, fog curls floating over your wooden floor
I'm a haunting force, a creek in the night
An apparition in the shadowed corner
My wounds will heal but you'll live with the torture
We both know the truth
You did this to yourself
You'll be scorched in the end
By the same fire you tried to throw me in.
You're stuck with you, but I no longer am.
K J McCarthy Mar 8
What choices led to this?
I lost track in track marks
Lined arms and veins missed
Addiction happens quick
Cant live without my fix
Infatuation with intravenous bliss
But theres a constant fear of being sick
Restless legs peeling skin from dry lips
Why cant I just overdose and end it?
Better people than I didn't make it
I just can't seem to die my empty life ticks
Rolling back my eyes staring deep inside where I like to hide my bruises
If the good die young then I'm eternal as the sun rise
But I don't shine, my darkness is a blinding solar eclipse
The blood rushes in my syringe the plunger delivers me to the heavens
This feeling feels too good to overcome
I just accepted my life for what it was
Even if this feeling that I love
Makes me lose it
K J McCarthy Mar 8
Squealing breaks halting
Jolt me back to reality
Pulling in the driveway snapped me out of my hypnosis
How did I get home?
Muscle memory must of been driving
Everything was a blur
Highway lines speeding by
Guiding me into my trance
Abundant thoughts are easy to get lost in
Sometimes I tune out of conversations
Especially for those I have no interest in
"Are you okay?" Quickly brings me back
Without any kind of meaningful response
I just agree and try to move along
Is there something wrong with me?
Constantly dissociating from my physicality
I feel my spirit trying to break free
Tethered to the astral plane
The soul desires to explore a higher domain
Is it my consciousness attempting to access an ascended dimensional reality?
Or is dissociation just a product of my ADD
K J McCarthy Feb 22
Strewn about
Pushed and pulled
Kneaded and formed
Torn between fluctuations
Waves of highs and lows
Guided by incessant duality
Indecisive self esteem is a certainty
Inevitable and constant is change
Enjoy your main character moment
It always goes just as sudden as it came
God complex with a hint of self loathing
We dance on the scales of our emotions
Just because the pain is carried well
Doesnt mean it isn't heavy, the weight of it is always felt
Survival is sometimes met with guilt
Youre invincible to everyone except yourself
Stay balanced and level
Integrity above all else
Do whats right when noones looking
Or be tortured by the secrets you can never tell
K J McCarthy Feb 22
You claim to love me
But you wouldn't
If you knew who I really am
I only reveal parts of me that I can accept
But theres skeletons buried inside me
Their stench carries my sick story
Thick is the scent of death and decay
I make me sick sometimes
As I sit with what I let fester within
I only expose what I think you can stomach
I play the part of someone that deserves you
The opposite of who I truly am
You only love what I show you
I'm afraid you'll hate me just like I do
If I let you have a look inside of me
I never been easy to love
It's even hard for me to live with what I see
So I do my best to distract you
From knowing my reality
K J McCarthy Jan 26
What if you fall?
But what if you fly?
You'll never know
'Til you give it a try
It's holding you back
Fears whispering lies
Your wings wouldn't flap
If they weren't meant for the sky.


❤️
K J McCarthy Jan 26
I'm caught like a fly
Hypnotized by your web
Youre a spider that spins
Optical illusions with thread
A randomized gamble with life
Oscillating roulette wheel chamber
Revolver lottery deciding my fate
Bullet odds, wishes of death
Chrome ball sped to a halt
Landing on black or red
Consumed by misfortune
The day I fell in your bed
Pillow talk whispers
Spoken spells got you inside of my head
Im a game you play at your discretion
Your boredom builds, so you eventually flee
Your patterns are like counting cards
I know your moves
But I'm weak
I'll never leave
I could never stand alone
I'll turn a blind eye to my own needs
Just to please you
I'll be right here when you come back
I'm here if you feel the need to play with my heart again.
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