I gotta show you the real me before you rest your presence Am I a beautiful disaster or just another rare blessing? See I’m slow to gain interest but I’m quick to lose it & I see your heart waiting to be caught but I won’t jump up to pursue it My heart is in the right place, my head just won’t let it settle yet feeling like this isn’t my dream for life & I can’t settle yet I’m more focused on getting married than making the mistakes to meet my Queen so I unintentionally break hearts along with shattering sweet dreams Like a nightmare of reality that refuses to walk away but with this irresistible charm, I make it harder for you not to stay I’m alone but never am I lonely Real love, I’ve never had anyone show me & being that I’m already broken, do you think you deserve me? Why do you even want me? Save yourself from a heartbreak, you’re much better off on your own loving someone like me ain’t easy & you’ll sometimes feel alone It’s hard to focus on one when my head isn’t fully ******* on right but I still miss the presence of one laying next to me at night I’m a pro at cutting ties when something just doesn’t feel right & I’d rather let you go before I break you again all because I can’t love you right ☆ Poetic Venom ☆
These thoughts have been teasing me for quite some time thinking of ways to stop the madness without crossing the line You say you wanna wait when I’m ready to commit but this decision that you’re making won’t let my ego quit See I’m out here on the prowl trying to see how much damage I can make when I fail to really see how much pain one could create And I can’t even blame you for the decisions that I’m making trying to fill the avoid of being lonely & the one night stands I’m chasing You ask me how I feel but I can’t really explain it how the love I’m dying for, I can’t obtain it I’m trying not to lose myself loving you but every day I lose a piece I reach out for your help but you’re never there for my reach You taught me how to be a King but what’s a King without his Queen & a castle without a foundation to keep it withstanding his dream of raising a kingdom for his Prince & Princess to herit cause I refuse to let em carry the torch when it’s too shattered for them to carry it You want me to be that King but you make me question if I’m really that the love a King is supposed to give, I stopped feeling that love coming back I'm running outta time, please make up your mind cause I refuse to lose myself anymore trying to love you I gotta save myself before this stress gives me the flatline mentally passing on & it's all because of you ☆ Poetic Venom ☆
I really can’t explain the thoughts running thru my mind or the confusion that have grown with time Thinking of you & wanting to work things out but going back to you won’t exactly bring my happiness out Yes, you’re the one that I’ll always love more than the world it’s just the fact of me loving someone else when you’re supposed to be my girl I’ve had many times to fall in love but I can’t love someone else when my heart still rest with someone who made me appreciation myself A friendship that’s turned into the unknown from what used to be a fairytale & me not giving anyone a chance to love me knowing their love won’t prevail So how do I move on from someone that has my heart in its entirety someone who’d go to the end of the world for me & give their last for me A part of me is ready to be loved for the 1st time but I can’t let someone else love me when you’re supposed to be mine A part of me wants to stay single just to wait for you since I’ve fallen so deeply knowing that my heart adores you You know you’re more than just a best friend but I can’t wait around forever & who’s to say that we’ll end up together Love is complicated especially when the one you want probably isn’t the one you need but loving someone else just seems wrong which makes it harder to leave ☆ Poetic Venom ☆
I’m that struggle trying not to cut my wrist from the pain of life trying not to blow my brains away so I think twice I’m that struggle you face when you contemplate on a pill overdose after being shattered from being let down by those you love most I’m that struggle looking at you in the mirror when your tears dance on your face falling from the cracks of your heart that could never be replaced I’m that struggle waiting along with you in the night when sleep won’t arrive so you sit thinking about life thru the music that assist with the terror you hide I’m that struggle you face when you awake another day, healthy & alive so I pray that he guides you thru the current stages of hell that taunts your every day Life as we know it can be a roller coaster & we’re bound to fall but if the landing doesn’t **** us then we’re granted another chance to crawl I’m that struggle within that convinces you that you’re worthless teaching you to settle for whatever or that you deserve it I’m that struggle when you wanna give up but you know you can’t surrender looking for the motivation for happiness but happiness is something you don’t remember The struggle of being your own worst enemy, tearing yourself down with the lack of self love loving others more than you’ll ever love yourself I’m that struggle but I’m also that hand of guidance trying to be the source towards the light letting you know that this war isn’t being fought alone, I’ll guide you thru every fight ☆ Poetic Venom ☆
These past few months have been the most devastating thing to watch fighting for a legacy that nearly came to a life ending cost Sometimes I blame myself for allowing this distraction to fool me once until one conversation filled me in on the blueprints of the upcoming stunts Buried in silence, I observed as my household was turning into the pits of hell as a demon was on its rise of his plan with the motivation to see it excel Went from living in happiness to now fearing the lives of my own as well as the Queen & the Princess, what’s a man to do to protect the castle Numbing the pain to try to cure my sleepless nights, I nearly fall into that addiction capsule that snatches my soul from me while I fall deeper in anger Contemplating on ****** to risk it all for my loved ones, heading closer to danger I’ve done a great job of holding in the rage but it’s soon to erupt as the Queen’s heart falls to the floor & the world around me glows up into flames as my eyes go from pure blackness to blood shot red, all I see is destruction throwing me off my focus, unable to concentrate or function I left my castle only to soon return as I face the Devil for the battle of our well being asking God to keep me sane when it’s pure evil that’s all I’m seeing
We haven’t spoken for the past few weeks & I’ve lied to keep from telling the truth saying i’m busy with work but I’m sure you can still see the proof Somewhere along the road, I started seeing us from a different light I started seeing a world without you as a lover & i started loving the sight But then I’d ask myself, how can one get over someone who did so much can’t just walk from all that happiness & leave a beautiful heart crushed I know keeping the truth from you isn’t right but telling the truth, I may lose you & I can’t just sit here to allow my broken heart use you I still think the world of you, it’s just the feelings that used to be don’t exist anymore but the heart that I’ve grown with, I’ll love unconditionally forevermore What I’m trying to say is that I have to move on to keep from drowning in false hope of keeping faith within something that may never be again & it’s that drug you gave me that I can no longer allow my system to overdose I’ve done a thousand laps in my head trying to go about this in the right way but in order for us to be happy, one of us has to swallow the pride to walk away So my silence wasn’t because I was busy, it’s because I’m trying to leave & holding on is only going to prevent me from waking up from this long never ending dream
I've been writing 3 books back to back & I'm happy to announce that my 2nd book 'Coming of Age: The Journey from a Boy to Man' will be releasing very soon in both digital & audio version & my 3rd book 'The Eulogy: A Final Farewell' will be dropping around my birthday (Feb. 14th). For those who're interested in reading it, i'll post the link when it's out & also provide the audio version thru email for those who wanna listen to it on the go. Thanks in advance for the support & sorry for the absence.
I’ve been enjoying this single life for quite some time now but I’m still lonely, yearning for one to hold me down I admit that I’m not perfect, I’ve been creeping on the prowl a few one night stands but it’s no fun to me now It used to be fun wit me but my feelings have gotten a hold to me got me wishing one was there to love & spoil me Just a simple man wanting love without the games or mixed signals just wanna be corny around the right one just to make her giggle This ******* lifestyle was cool but there’s still something missing the love of a woman that wants all of my love & attention I tried living the life as other men but I found no excitement but when a woman request the love of my heart, it’s all silence Don’t know if I’ve been hurt too much or rather not waste my time cause I keep meeting girls with different zodiac signs So tell me what’s a man to do when he’s ready to settle down tired of missing a Queen’s love & falling for the lust waiting to be found You live & your learn, my old ways taught me that pleasure can’t fill the void of real love that my heart is waiting to enjoy
You want love, i want lust I can’t hold you down, don’t waste the trust You seek a wedding ring, i want a one night thing Pour your heart out but nothing will change Why dig for love when it’s not there Chasing hopeless dreams, getting nowhere You desire love & I’m your point of interest Mind’s playing tricks on you so you question my distance You thought i was different but what’s the difference Between me & the others who turned out the same but seemed different Looking for mutual interest from me, you tripping When you hallucinate about my presence but it’s missing Giving you no attention except when i call for action to come over & deliver ****** satisfaction You hate my ways but do you actually think about what this guy has been thru with the last females that i gave my all to & they showed me what love can really do to you when you invest so much time & commitment but they’ll gladly leave you broken & reminiscing I’m nothing short of a mirage but your eyes can’t see that I’m not worth your time, obviously Your mind better apologize for all the lies that made you cry, waiting for my love but I’m not that guy
We drifted far apart from each other but the feelings still reside I can say that you don’t have an effect still but why lie? It’s not the experiences that live, just the memories that remain & every love song that comes on has you dancing on my brain I still display this smile because of you I still believe in love because of you I still feel like a King because of you I still feel like i can fly, because of you Waves never die, they just crash for the moment And you’ve made me feel almighty when I fell to my lowest Even in a dark world, the sun still shines Even when the world stops, your heart I’ll still find And when those waves crash to shore, you’ll then see how much you’ll always mean to me ☆ Poetic Venxm ☆
I’ve met many women who’ve said most men should be like me but if they knew about my mistakes, would you think they’d still think highly of me? I’m not perfect by any means, I’ve had my fair share of mistakes along the way falling short of being King worthy just to see if the phony acts would make a way I was under the impression that being a man with a boy’s mentality was the best way to go but I was only thinking selflessly I know the man I was raised to be & the charm that God genetically blessed me with & when you erase all the good from the bad, you’d realize that I still ain’t **** I often feel the need to settle down but still manage to fall into the hands of temptation wanting to wait for Mrs.Right though I’m not a person who’s very patient My heart’s bigger than my body & I’ve fallen for some of the worst types so to keep from being lonely, I talked em all into laying down with me for just one night I know it ***** to see someone who has his head right above his shoulders stoop so low to such a despising level just so he can mess any girl over So before you think of me as the Prince Charming, just know that I’m a man of great mistakes who’s learned from all the wrong choices but building to get his life straight I was blind to the guy that other women saw in me & now I see that I have something worth falling head over heels for, I’m a King indeed Take a look into the structure within my castle walls before you begin to adore me cause I promise you, I’m not a man with any less mistakes than the ones who lack your glory ☆ Poetic Venxm ☆
If Wishes Had Wings, I’d be idolized by millions saving & impacting the lives of many scarred children If Wishes Had Wings, the world would be free from pain no more dark clouds surrounded by depressing rains If Wishes Had Wings, the silent tears would be clearly heard life would be less horrific so we’d worry less of the overwhelming storms If Wishes Had Wings, the act of happiness shall be of reappearance provide my mental slaves with the proper deliverance If Wishes Had Wings, Love wouldn’t be so scary to obtain heart break would be a stranger while the kingdom we have will still reign If Wishes Had Wings, there would no longer be Hell on Earth take away all the evil from life to grant us the proper rebirth If Wishes Had Wings, heartbreaks around the world would sing the greatest melody performed by all the broken Kings & Queens If Wishes Had Wings, God forgive us for the lives we’ve been sinning in trapped in a cold evil world that we’re forced but isolatedly living in never intending to be heartless but our hearts have turned cold frustratedly feeling the shattering of love to which a false interest beholds possessing a tale that’s very relating but only a few understand how being lonely & disappointed can take a toll on more than man
Ever meet that one person in life feeling like they’re meant to complete your life Been knowing each other for years but every time you turn around, you’re causing each other tears Barely speak like you used to but you’re too caught up to love another can’t love anyone else cause you’re too in love with each other You’d rather suffer the storm with them than to enjoy a sunny day without em Can’t move on from them cause you’d be miserable without em Throughout all the fuss & fighting, the feeling of making up makes you forget that this relationship is like a roller coaster with overwhelming twist If you didn’t miss em so much, you’d **** em off mentally Feeling your heart break every time you say good bye Missing em every minute & can’t help but cry If you could survive life without em, you’d try no rehab needed, their drug is the perfect high Laying in a bed built specifically for your guns & roses
Like a night sky without the moon Like a symphony without a tune Like a heart that doesn’t skip a beat Like true love that isn’t complete Like a kiss without a K Like writing poetry without anything to say Like enjoying a vibe without intimacy Like being excited without a fantasy Like grasping for love with nothing there Like trying to breathe without air Like trying to fly without wings Like trying to hit the perfect note but unable to sing Like believing in real love without faith Like without having a plan to escape Like me getting married but I’m no groom Like being in love but not in love with you Like wanting to feel love except it’s not you And like all these things, the main thing I’m missing is you
I’m praying for a star, no matter how far you are whether you’re full of tears or skin full of scars whether you’re drowning thru the music or dreaming in your diary whether you’re lost in reality, just know you inspire me whether you’re struggling with addiction or praying to end your days if you don’t feel loved, I love you but let me explain the ways You don’t see that you’re fighter cause the pain is overwhelming but you’re still here to see another day, another chance of prevailing
You’re the Star that I see whenever I look into the sky lost with inspiration to do what I love but I then hear your cry listening to your tears when you don’t understand why why does life have to be this way or why you feel worthless pressured by the society around you just to be perfect So I pray for this star, that’s more than what you are
I’ve been beyond the bottom, I survived every inch of hell I’ve bled my own blood but still I aim to prevail Life as you know it can be an emotional journey I’ve hit rock bottom due to those who’ve hurt me I’ve been addicted to pills, been addicted to self harm Watched many that I love walk away when I went thru the storm Many mistakes made, many struggles faced Same broken records played, feeling alone in a beloved place I failed once to be great but what’s progression if you stay down Heavy is the Head of He who wears the Crown Life isn’t perfect but neither am I And I have too much to live for to give up & fly You didn’t love me when I wanted to give it all up You didn’t love me when I kept this wall up So if I have to be perfect for you love me then I don’t wanna be loved if it means you’ll judge me At my Best, I will inspire those like me to be Great no matter the struggles, trials, & tribulations or mistakes You failed to love me when I was at my worst so don’t bother loving me when I’m at my best
You feel lonely & your heart wanders looking to free your soul from all its monsters Here in my arms, you shall find a true friend that won’t leave over time If you cry, I cry Together & we will fly Far away, not to be found again just you & me, my friend You’re Not Alone for as long as I exist
I wonder if you ever had someone to love you naked someone that sees every flaw & desires to trace it Someone that sees all the imperfections on the outside but still wants to see what lies on the inside Someone that sees the wall you have build up but is eager to tear it down someone that sees you’re a work in progress but still sticks around Eliminate the make up, cute outfits, & the fake smile to see what still exist Will they still love you or walk away making you feel like ****? Someone who still thinks you’re beautiful enough when you’re looking your worst & been thru the worst but still believes you’re good enough Willing to chase the moon down but bring you the moon along with the galaxy Will they try to change you or fall in love with a beautiful tragedy? Will they go the extra mile to get you but still go extra to keep you? See all these walls in front of you & still break em down to reach you Will someone ever love you naked? Make love to your intellect Caress your soul with their actions & free your world from previous stress You need someone to love you naked thru the flaws & imperfections Someone who can turn a beautiful disaster into a unforgettable blessing ☆ Poetic Venxm ☆
Love isn’t just the thought that remains in mind but the memories that still exist overtime It’s the reason you stay up at night thinking of that one who’s always there with open arms when there’s nowhere else to run The touch of relief that caresses your heart with a simple rush the thought of that special one that makes you endlessly blush Drowning in the idea of building something with this new breath of energy someone who’s gonna love you beyond your dreams & not become another enemy For every second you’re in their presence, you fall 10x deeper sweeping you off your feet, making you even weaker For the love you’re experiencing that’s keeping your heart screaming loud making that dream feel more like reality & keeping you in the clouds It’s the arms wrapped around your body, the lips kissing you good night the hand grasping your soul, the presence that’s making your glow shine bright You can never see it coming or brace yourself fast enough to prepare in fact it’s so real to where it may even cause an unexpected scare The Love You Can’t Prepare For is something you can’t describe & something you’re afraid to accept not knowing if it’s truly meant to be & a little nervous from not knowing what to expect ☆ Poetic Venxm ☆
I Am the rhythm behind your every heartbeat the concept to the soundtrack that rocks your heart to sleep I Am the rhythm in blues for your every stormy night the stars you admire dancing in the midnight light I Am that King you see whenever you begin to dream the passion that makes your body shiver & soul scream I Am your every thought & the tears flowing down your face the smile that’s brightening the world, the heart you can’t replace I Am the arms holding you whenever you’re sleepless the love that has you in the clouds & speechless I Am that King admiring a Queen’s world from the outside looking in thinking of all the strategies I can steal her heart for the win I Am the one you’re missing even when you don’t realize it desiring your mind, body, & soul but hoping not to wrongly utilize it I Am that love you can’t seem to get away from looking for an escape but my heart is where you run I Am your wildest dream, your dream come true, your everything altogether I Am the best love you’ve never had but also the love that never fails to make you better
If you got it all back, what would you do? If you have the best love you’ve ever wanted, how could you lose? If my love was your treasure, would you keep it locked away? If you knew all of my secrets, would it scare your love away? You loved me but you never were a fool for me just another broken heart loving me childishly Sometimes I don’t believe you miss me, probably just miss using me I fell deep in love with someone whose love was abusing me We never made love to each other’s mind, too busy making love instead Never understood my intellect but more focused on getting in bed I don’t know if we’re really meant to be but you can’t stay away from me it’s like you know you have undeniable access to my heart without the key I know you want those good times & memories back, can’t lie I do too but it’s the worry of whether or not if I can still trust you I can’t make you choose between him or me but you know who never hurt you Who never broke your heart & who’d never desert you My heart began turning red so I wonder if you’ll speed to get here before I let go Probably won’t be long until I forever walk out that door You want it all back & I do too but at what cost will I pay when you decide to take it for granted before I say goodbye
You’re trying to love me but don’t know what you’re in for You don’t understand why I tend to push away before Things go south & I’m left alone with no one to hear my cry Or to understand the reasons why I wanna fly away I tend to push those away if I feel they’re getting too close Protecting myself of disaster from the heartbreak waiting to be diagnosed I tend to drink more than I should & test your trust in me Avoiding the love that you tell me you have for me I’m lost as to why you still try to gain access to something so disturbing Still insist on giving your love to someone undeserving I’m hard to love, it’s a roller coaster of emotions Causing you frustration just to see your mental explosions I’m paranoid & I push you away time after time Yet you see right thru my reasons & still desire to be mine Love is about compromising & understanding, you define it perfectly Healing a heart that’s been scarred by the corruptly Short tempered with a short fuse & no patience Being adored by an angel possessing a love that’s gracious I don’t wanna make a million mistakes & take your love for granted Just a troubled man with a broken heart & having issues trying manage I couldn’t walk a mile in your shoes, I don’t see how you do it How can one put up with so much & still not lose it? I know I’m hard to love but I thank you for still holding on Still having faith in what we have instead of dropping it & moving on
I let you control my life for 6 months & for what? Just because you were the only source of healing that I could trust? The pain that life has caused me makes it hard for me to balance & nobody knew about this, I kept everything private They don’t know how you called my name at 2am, I came running just for you to stop that pain that never stopped running I crushed you up into powder before I poured you into my drink ******* me up so bad to where I couldn’t even think You chose a weak soul to manipulate, I fell for your comfort all because I couldn’t bare with the feeling within that made me suffer You made me crazy, you made me lazy had me feeling low like your feeling was all I ever needed You were supposed to be a one night stand but I got attached to you felt like nothing else mattered & all I needed was you You can do no wrong to me, only supply the perfect cure for me when I needed that love, it was you that was there for me Anxiety, depression, anger, paranoia, you made me feel forget it all had me flying above the clouds when life wouldn’t let me do anything but crawl Why did you do this to me? Why is your loving too resist? Why am I so attached to something that make me feel under like this? You’re that demon I can’t shake away but you’re the source that takes my pain away & ever since I accepted your love, I’ve watched everyone walk away You said you loved me yet you’re taking my life away killing my system as I keep swallowing your substance away I had 2 ways of getting rid of you, either overdosing or flushing what remains just to go back to facing my demons by punching walls til my fist gets blood stains So here’s to you, my bad habit of pain killing pill popping drug addiction may you rest in peace forever, here’s my benediction
I've never publicly admitted this to anyone but a few years ago, I suffered a pain killer addiction. I was popping 20 pills a day & even mixing pain killers into my drinks to numb whatever I was going through. Just hope this helps someone else out with their addiction or their struggle with addiction
I fell outta love with you but what was I supposed to do trying to make it all work but I hit a dead end trying to love you What’s a man to do when the love he wants walks away & no matter how many attempts, it doesn’t wanna stay You told me you loved me but I was a fool to believe it gave me your heart just to force me to leave it Hooked me up with someone else when you wanted me just to prove you’re like the rest, you disappointed me You told you didn’t wanna be loved but still wanted to get acquainted that’s a difficult picture to look at & your heart couldn’t resist to paint it Making me hate myself for being the man that I am when in reality, you really didn’t give a **** Putting me through all these emotions I hate most sending my heart to find yours but yours became a ghost How could I fall in & outta love with someone at the same time trying to set me up for the worst just to fall off line We were meant to be apart, away from each other & it’s sad how I did so much to love someone that my heart never had
I resulted in doing things to cope with the pain washing away the sorrow watching my soul break down in the rain living every day with a heart that’s hollow
I mixed all that anxiety powder with liquor to keep my leveled listening to the voices within my head stepping further away from God & closer to the devil not caring if I live to see tomorrow or if I end up dead
Life took too many turns for the worst & I wasn’t ready losing myself thru the feeling looking death in the face & telling it I’m ready pills & alcohol was my only source for the right healing I’m only free from pain when I’m intoxicated can’t cope with what’s killing me, life & emotions never fully cooperated Never wanted to admit I was an addict until life was almost cut short but I guess when you back is against the wall, death seems like the only resort
Within your love, I lost myself Loving you more than I loved myself You had your doubts but so did I fearing our love would never be able to fly I wasn’t fully recovered from a past love you were still broken from a current love Somehow our paths crossed & we fell in love but who knew that we’d fall outta love
I lost myself trying to make it work but it caused more hurt all the arguments, the fighting, & break ups I was more focused on showing you what I saw & forgot about me but you never failed to make me feel like you were better without me But what hurts the most is not being myself anymore can’t think straight or sleep anymore Up at 2am, stuck in my thoughts, but I can’t shed a tear so I play it off like I don’t even care But my biggest issue was loving you too much & me not enough
I spent my whole life putting other people before me Doing whatever it took to prove my love for the same ones to ignore me Battled with depression more than often, losing myself thru their back stabbing Carrying this smile on my face but not one ever really noticed I was faking I doubted myself & questioned if I was the one who was worthless Trying to change myself just for these people to see me as “perfect” My biggest regret was trying to change who I was for their acceptance They didn’t want my real love or my heart, it was always neglected But then I made a change & placed myself before everyone else, I saw a change People walking outta my life due to my selfishness but I’m on a new page Got tired of reading old chapters, getting used to the way things badly ended Making enemies outta the same ones whose vibe I befriended I was being dragged thru hell for too long but now I’m losing people as I find my true identity No longer letting those who don’t love me destroy & break me down mentally I had more than 20 friends I cared for, now I can barely name 5 who stuck around I guess when you focus more on you then them, you start to see who’s really down I lost myself trying to please everyone & doing the most to be that perfect being I’m more happy than I’ve ever been, Lord knows it’s the most beautiful feeling Gaining little pieces of my life back, gathering pieces of my heart back And I have yet to lose a friend that I would want back
The mind of a poet is an interesting place where emotions & words run wild Some words tell a story, some emotions sing a melody the inspiration shares the glory & often used as the source of therapeutic remedy
If you travel thru a poetic mind long enough, you’ll begin to see a new universe that the normal eye won’t see
You can easily get attached but it’s hard to walk away from a world full of imagination & creativity
Words aren’t just words anymore, it’s a written emotion from a heart experience various feelings but remains unspoken
The mind of a poet, that’s a world like no other either a beautiful disaster or the soundtrack of many untold stories
I woke this morning feeling good & ready to start my day Washed up, got dressed, then got on my knees to pray Asked God to look after everyone I love, to keep em safe And to make today a great beautiful day As I proceed with my daily activities, I start getting this bad feeling Like something was about to occur, either a tragedy or another senseless killing But as soon as I’m enjoying myself as always, something tells me to check my phone I open Instagram only to see the saddest news, another King knocked from the throne Jahseh Dwayne Ricardo Onfroy has been pronounced dead, gunned down in his car As soon as I’m healed from depression, here comes another unexpected scar A guidance to many, hated by many, but his message recognized by a large few And the same ones who hated were now the ones showing love, what’s new? Trapped in this cold world, you were the light that overshadowed the darkness This world needed a new direction of guidance & you were the one to spark it Lost your life in a senseless way but your music & message will live eternally Only thing is that your bright side will now shine over the madness Still an empty place in the hearts of the family that your music was the answer to their sadness Long live a King on a mission to save himself as well as those who’ve followed his lead Rest in Paradise & thank you for giving those such as myself the faith to believe
They say time heals all wounds, I beg to differ Especially when you once had a love for someone with a lifetime of memories to remember And how do you let someone else come around & love you better than the last one When your heart still hasn't repaired from the last love, still very much in love with your last love Traumatized from what transpired, not allowing anyone else to love you even if it is true You just want the one person you gave your all to be the one that truly loves you Sometimes willing to settle for loneliness, loving someone else will only break their heart For trying to love you but loving you is going to tear you both apart Heart is still the same condition from the past but you’re too afraid to love again Fearing that a new love will never replace the love of a former love interest & best friend
That whole night was amazing, spending time with a female friend before sexing her crazy Pulled up for a night out, went to the movies, & grab food I was feeling her maybe Stopped at this lake to end the night out as we cuddled in my backseat Watching the stars dance across the sky while listening to some 90’s R&B Right before I realized it, our lips would touch I pulled her on top of me then I felt this sudden rush I haven’t been in action for a long time & my hormones are raging I’m taking her clothes off as my heartbreak keeps racing My heart’s telling me to stop while I’m ahead but my head & body say keep going And how could I resist the lust from the emotions to which she’s showing So there I am on top of her kissing her from the lips all the down to her thighs Putting my tongue to good use while the excitement lights up her eyes I climb back on top of her, slowly work my way in as she gasps her air Telling me I’m the biggest she’s had & the previous love interest doesn’t compare The windows begin to fog up, we begin to sweat, & I’m just cruising my way inside her body Doing all the moves I’ve seen in explicit movies as I get a little cocky An hour & a half of ****** acts go by then we conclude the experience We get dressed but judging by the look in her eye, I can tell she was delirious I dropped her off, kissed her lips, then she tells me she loves me & was rather serious Fast forward almost a year later after conversations died down I’m still texting her to make sure she’s ok due to personal issues at home She’s getting ready to move away from the nest to be out all on her own Then something tells me to check her Facebook page & there I see A beautiful baby girl but I’m questioning if it really looks like me Biracial with beautiful eyes & a beautiful smile, I can’t believe it Is this bundle of joy mine? When did she even conceive it? I’m blowing up her phone with a million questions but she’s not telling me no Beating around the bush with speculations about that night we shared Got me pacing me back & forth out of excitement but a little scared Loving her wasn’t a mistake but the fear of the kid growing up like me In 2 different households by 2 parents who barely know each other, this isn’t like me I’m not sure if she’s been with someone else after me but she strongly denies it Told her if it’s proven to be my daughter then I’ll definitely provide care for it So I asked one last time if the baby’s mine then she says it’s her little cousin Birthed by her guardian aunt then my heart stops rushing Telling me if I was the father then she would’ve told me if she was pregnant Saying she loves me too much to throw that on me unexpected And that she loves me too much not to allow me to be the father I’m meant to be I deserve the most beautiful family I can create that’s a reflection of me Hopefully when that times does come, I’ll be a married man & financially stable Not afraid to raise em better than me or to raise them in a world that can be cold & fatal
I had this dream where I met this woman whose smile told me a tale of someone who’s out of my league & if I tried to pursue her soul then I was most likely to fail It’s something about her that made me want to explore her inner essence to understand the uprising of a Queen from the beginning of her adolescent
Now in my dream, she loves my poetry, in fact I’ve inspired her to smile sometimes but still I’m desiring one dance to possibly commit the perfect crime. What’s that crime, you ask? Well, she has a heart like no other that I’d like to discover & even if I fail, I can move on with my day knowing that I did my best to love her
This Woman; she possesses this presence so strong. a demeanor of independence a heart of pure gold, & a soul of many treasures whose quality of love is endless. Who am I? I’m just a guy who never requires a reply from the confessions of my heart that doesn’t mind expressing itself yet still confused on where to start. I’m that smile on your face, trying to become the rhythm & blues within your soul to share the sweet symphony of romance & I pray your collaborations won’t behold
As i sit here next to the sound of peace i drink away my sorrows as my heart speaks I don’t know what’s gotten into me but I’ve been feeling like the enemy A stranger to a best friend & home isn’t home to me Losing sleep & can barely eat Contemplating on the blade use or for God’s blood to rain down on me I’m getting calls & messages from people concerned Even the main one who decided to kick your baby boy to the curb I’ve been lost for a while now, heads up in the cloud now Getting drunker by the minute, the end won’t be long now I lay down by this tree as i daze up into the sky Counting the stars above only wishing i could fly Tears running down my eyes & my thoughts run a marathon Heart’s tired of screaming for help just for no one to respond I walked away from home without saying a word of my whereabouts It’s 9:30 at night but i haven’t come back, I’ve risen some questionable doubts Don’t know if I’m ok or unresponsive, the anxiousness begins to rise As questions begin to play out as the suspense fails to die Not sure if i wanna go back home or stay lost in the woods Go back to a mental prison where i feel lost & misunderstood Can’t explain what’s running thru my mind but in the end, does it matter Cause the more my feelings are ignored, the more my soul dies faster
Left alone on her own since she arrived in this world tears tell the story of a heart broken & forsaken girl No one ever cared for her, everyone left after a while never knew her real family, she was an abandoned child It brings me to tears whenever I look into her eyes to be left in a world so cold & yet, She Rise
Her story inspires me to be all I can be with my back against the wall & nobody rooting for me You can’t ignore the strength of a Queen who did it all by herself fallen angel but slowly building an empire with every shattering step She Rise
Her tears maybe invisible to some but her struggle is remarkable to overcome so much to become a force that’s unstoppable Yea her life maybe a stormy night of rhythm & blues but her statement of dominance, not many could walk a mile in her shoes She Rise
I’m travelling thru this journey to escape the mind that used to be shaped around the terror of life & what’s been mentally abusing me People think I’m weird because my poems are based on the depression within but it’s hard to fake happiness when sadness has been my only friend The Mind of Terror only contains the constant thought of paranoia so I’m fighting to escape the only source that’s been my life’s destroyer I can’t go out in public alone without the feeling of people staring at me as if they can see that I’m a sad individual who’s afraid to be happy I still dance with the tears that I’ve hidden from my past thought I left em all behind but the experiences forever last Even the bruises on my fist from the rage punching the walls & the long dark nights I’ve cried to God yet he doesn’t answer my call I know there’s light at the end of the tunnel so I’m running towards that day when I’m finally happy with who I am watching all my sorrows go away But until that day arrives, I’m just a poetic mental explorer existing within the mind of a mental horror
I got anger, anxiety, & depression sitting right next to me reaching out to an old love but she refuses to text me I could never let someone know exactly what I’m thinking take a trip thru my mind just to see how it’s depressing Loneliness, heartbreak, pain, & depression mixed with alcohol fading in & out of anxiety just waiting until the day I fall It’s been almost a lifetime since I remember being happy always full of tears, can’t recall a moment of me truly smiling Can’t let a woman into my heart without pushing her away cause I’m afraid that if I love her for real then she won’t bother to stay Flying thru my thoughts & can’t seem to find a place to land but there’s no need for you love me cause my mind you won’t understand Family telling me to cool out before I lose my mind & go insane feeling like it won’t be long before I take a gun to blow my brains Side note, I think I found someone who really wants to see my smile & I’m too afraid to let her love me cause that real love hasn’t been felt in a while
She told me it was my fault that we aren’t friends anymore it’s my fault that I can’t hear her voice anymore I would’ve been happy with life if I didn’t fall too quickly it’s my fault that she walked away & not wit me anymore I should’ve never fell for her but what do you expect when you’re the 1st to love someone who’s used to neglect
Would’ve been the best friendship I could’ve asked for but she wanted to be just friends & my heart wanted more She wanted only phone conversations, I wanted to be held just an idiot with feelings for the wrong person it’s my fault that we couldn’t excel Guess this is what happens when you know the right choice but make a wrong & that leads you to writing not a happy but a sad poem
You let me fall when I wanted to fall back into your arms & allowed me drown in my sorrow It’s my fault for living in the midst of these cold scars left me to exist with a cold broken heart that’s forever hollow
No inspiration for another entry but my talent itches to create so I look in various places hoping to get back to my creative space Whether it’s thru social media or from a line in a song I listen to the words being spoken as my thought process follows along A Poet’s Blues? That’s something you may never be able to relate to Just the need of wanting to write but nothing exactly to inspire you It’s like facing a roadblock but there’s no detours insight to get around it you’re just traveling thru it & facing the horrified soundtrack around it Could you easily find your inspiration when you’ve written over 400+ entries wanting to keep writing but your drive & motivation feels empty Not sure if you wanna write about your life, to a song, or just something to keep your mind running even if the poem’s about nothing My Poetry Blues, falls in place when I get the desire to write based on what I see coming from the soundtrack of someone’s life but it relates to me I just sit there in my living room with my pen falling asleep on the paper wishing for an idea to come my way thru my mental creator A Poet’s Blues? Imagine having your mind freeze & you’re just standing there frozen in time & frustrated with nothing to say as you pull out your hair When it’s all said & done, you’ll probably never understand the anger or a talent’s snooze cause at the end of the day, no one really cares about a Poet’s Blues
Though I’m all smiles when you’re around me it’s only a fraud to hide the pain that surrounds me I can’t deny the fact that I’m one of those souls who’s sheltered still battling the pain from the past that I still remember Not too long ago, I was involved in a situation that’ll affect me forever causing me to be paranoid & failing to put myself back together There are some things about me that I’ve never shared with you including how I contemplated on living without you And I know when you read that last line, you maybe confused but the fact of it all is that I almost took my life away from being abused Trapped in a hell hole where every day felt like it could’ve been the end just the subject of someone’s rage & unable to reach a friend Didn’t even tell my mom until years later when I moved away but deep inside, those heart shattering events took pieces of my life away Thinking about the nights I spend in the bathroom with a razor in my hand crying my eyes out & asking why I’m being punished by this man Thought I escaped Hell by moving away from my family but I moved closer to it which later became my biggest tragedy Even with you in mind, I still felt like I was in this world so alone feeling the fire from the evil of a household whose heart was born cold So I write this letter to you in requesting that you don’t give up on me & just allow me to paint the picture of the real me Although I’m still that guy you love, there’s many things behind closed doors that I try to bring to light but refuse feeling like it’ll be ignored Just please don’t give up on me if I feel like I’ll never be the man in my reflection that changes the world through a God given poetic blessing Don’t give up on me even if I feel the need to hang it all up if I feel like it’s impossible & I choose to give this all up I don’t just write for myself or based on myself but for those who express their pain being that poetic umbrella protecting them for their emotional rain And I’ve never told you anything before cause you’ll tell me to pray but that doesn’t work for everyone at the end of the day I’ve never done self harm, just turned to music & art as a result to cope with the emotions to which most would take as a joke So as I attempt to make myself a better person, keep your prayers raining down on me & no matter how long it takes me, please Don’t Give Up On Me
Hell on Earth, can’t escape it Evil on my shoulders, can’t shake it Paranoid of society, hide from judging eyes Life Scares Me
Dark clouds above us all the sun avoids the spotlight After a while, we all begin to fall can’t win the war but we still attempt the fight Life Scares Me
Life’s a Phase & I often wonder what the next wave withholds So until my turn arrives, my spirit continues to wander down that lonely yet interesting road Life Scares Me
You’re constantly used to disguise the truth behind the inspiration of something that’s often the result of abuse & although some see you to think you’re true your true colors are only noticed by a few who’ve done the same so your fraud becomes see thru with the realness behind it all dancing on ones face that’ll eventually worship the current grounds being walked upon
Sadly enough, the more you’re falsely portrayed the more the need for your departure is delayed but saying goodbye for now causes them to be afraid thanks to the broken record of hurt that continuously plays so you’re used as a form of emotional expression that’s revealed in ones reflection showing a true sign of depression
Nor them or you could understand the Love I gave to an angel sent to me from above I blame myself for getting Attached so easily so quickly figured if I did such a thing then you wouldn’t Leave me Never have we had the chance to see this love take off but I didn’t think something so Precious would come with a Cost
So my last Dying Wish is to see you for once, one Last time to hold you as we go our separate ways saying Goodbye as we reminisce on our past days to hear your Voice right before you hang up the phone leaving me in existence all alone But nevertheless, you’re Forever in my Heart even from afar as I wish for our final visit with that once in a lifetime shooting star
If this becomes my last entry I pray the parted will finally hear me My only objective was to give those like me A way of life without feeling furthermore lonely I write all these poems as a passage of emotions Speaking for the unspoken emotions Which have led me to the feeling of being alone or a burden but I continue to write feeling determined to provide a better chance for survival to those who’ve considered me their idol Let my purpose for change be the spark for bravery that inspires the rest to be stronger after they’ve conquered the recovery For the Forsaken Message maybe ignored now, one day you shall see the impact of my vision that helps set my Lost Souls free
Today has a frown upon its face due to the world being destroyed by evil & hate Beliefs from the past have came to present causing the hell within the adolescent
Today sheds a tear from a world driven by terror & inspiring fear No real guidance for the youth except ***, pain, & drugs & I fear all the destruction the world is bound to become
But if Tomorrow begins to smile I’ll see a brighter day with all evil dying out A change for the better & faith for a better tomorrow no tears to wipe, no scars to heal, & we’ll leave the pain from today’s sorrow
As a man, I’ve never quite understood our logic How we beg for a woman’s heart then dodge it We go on these rants about how women play games When we’re the ones causing the most damage & it’s a shame
Tell me. What’s the point of having a woman ride so hard for you just to break her heart into pieces when she does so much to ride for you You get mad them when they’ve realized the same old things being said from the last man who broke her heart by playing games with her head
Women aren’t perfect but the love of a woman, could never be matched The feeling that she gives you once she’s gotten attached The little things that she’s does to prove you’re she needs Just for you to take it, spit it in her face, then leave So tell me why it’s easier to break her heart than to love her If her heart’s always been true to you, what’s the benefit of hurting her
Sometimes I break down when I realize That most of my life has left me traumatized Never could accept the way I was created Only wishing that one day, my presence starts fading
Sometimes I break down when I see The person I’m supposed to be But held back by fear & self doubt I remain that forbidden soul lost within the cloud
Sometimes I break down from false happiness & lying How I struggle from crying Knowing that the pain is overwhelming but I carry the weight Of being the one to hold it all together but at the end of the day who’s gonna be the one to stop me from feeling this way
We used to be very close but somewhere down the road, we parted ways You fell for someone & the day he came around, things haven’t been the same Haven’t been happy in a long time but you started showing me it doesn’t matter Tried talking about it but the discussion we had only made me sadder I faked a smile until I couldn’t fake it anymore so now I exist in silence We’ll never be a happy family if there’s no sign for an alliance You always tell me to speak how I feel but in the end, what’s the use? When you’re just gonna give me that “I’m living my life” excuse? You don’t understand the heartbreak I feel within It’s deja vu & here you are walking away from me all over again Although I’m all grown up, I’m still your baby boy struggling to share the love That I used to have growing up & it gave me the faith to never give up I get it that you wanna be happy but you forgot about your family I thought it was all a dream until I woke up & saw it was true reality You don’t know the tears I’ve cried knowing that my mom is no longer present It’s the same pain I felt when I was living as an adolescent I lost my dad when I was younger & the last thing I needed was to lose you And I can’t talk to God being so angry that it won’t bring peace or get thru to you I lost my best friend, the Queen of the Kingdom, & my Dear Mother It feels like you know I’m not happy but it’s my pain you won’t bother to discover It’s pure jealousy of my part because I still can’t accept someone else being around To take away all of your time leaving me feeling like maybe I let you down Never thought it would come to this but I can no longer carry these tears I can no longer live in this home knowing that I’m fading away due to the fears Fearing that the day will come & you’ve completed forgotten about me Leaving me alone for you to live forever after without me This wasn’t my idea for a Mother’s Day gift but this is my poem’s cry As I cry thru this confession asking myself why Why did I have to lose my mom? Why am I feeling like I don’t have anything left inside? Telling myself & you that I’m okay knowing that I’m lying I’m sorry if I’m feeling like I’m losing you but things are truly changing Maybe I’m stopping us from being a family but maybe there’s still time for saving Every rose needs the rain sometimes but this rose is dying out Struggling to stay alive a bit longer but the petals have officially cried out - Pencasso