Beauty Without Eyes

Beauty Without Eyes Feb 2016

Red seeps out from my arms,
Tears leak down to my cheeks.
What have I done?
Is this...
Really who I've beome?
Staring at the red pooling at my feet,
I'm already in so deep.
I can't escape this horrid scene.
Why did I have to be so mean?
Why can't I be nice for a change?
Instead, I'm over here acting like a firing range.
Please forgive me,
And with those final words, I was finally free.

Mar 2015

Nicole Ashley

Anxiety Pt.1

I can't breathe
I can't talk
I can barely ask someone anything

...Just lost in thought...

Trying to say one word
All they hear is me choking
Holding back one word
Why am I doing this to myself?

They look confused now
And crowd me to ask what's wrong
...I choke on one word
I can't say anything
No matter how hard I try...

"This is not a way to live, this is a way to die"

And how would I die?...
All the words *unspoken
Words I don't know how to say
Words I'm afraid of and long to say
...all at the same time
It makes me go mad
I don't think I'll ever be sane

...How does one do this to their self?
But all I know, is that you can't choose
You don't do this to yourself
Not on purpose anyways...

It happens on it's own...

Where you choke on one word
Your heart beats so fast it hurts
It feels like you'd explode
Salt water leaking from your eyes
Your brain just overflows.....
Gasping for air
As you shake uncontrollably...
And lie there and *wait

.....It's so hard to say one word
All you hear is a squeak
Me choking on one word
Like strangling myself till I have no more...

I am at war with myself

And both sides are losing...

#broken #war #depression #confused #anxiety #lost

Mar 2015

babe

vérité sur vous

the truth is;
that i'll never stop loving
you.
that i will care about you
more than anyone around
you.
that everything you do makes
me smile;
every word, action, and hug
you give me,
makes my day better
and better everyday.
that i will lose my outside feelings
for you,
but not the ones inside.
because thats a whole different story.

but the truth also is;
i hate you
so much.
because i still love you
even after what you did to me.
you destroyed and broke my heart
every day after.
thinking that you totally forgot about me
and didn't care for me.
i gave you everything you wanted, too.
the attention, how i cared about you so much,
the advice i gave you with what you struggled with.
you gave it to me in return as well.
but not as much as me.

the truth is;
that yes i still love you
very, very, very much.
and nothing can change that.

Mar 2015

babe

mariposa

you gave me butterflies when i talked to you
you gave me the attention i craved.
each time you texted me i got the same butterflies,
over and over again, you know?
yeah i enjoyed it,
lasted a few days
and maybe weeks
it stopped when you stopped texting me
when you started talking to other girls.
the butterflies went away whenever you texted me
instead of butterflies
i got teary eyes.
the funny part is that
the tears still come,
and the butterflies went away.
but someone special got the butterflies,
who actually pays attention to me.
and understands me

Mar 2015

babe

~

its that chocolate brown eyes that make me
go crazy; the brown that most people don't
like. the brown that look's golden in the sun
light; the type of brown that has blue under-
neath. the brown that has flicks of green and
hazel; the brown that i fell in love with; but
you don't notice how beautiful your eyes are.
each time you look at me, i don't see brown,
i see hazel, with some gold; that mimics your
personality. gold. the gold of the ring that i
always wear. the gold ring with the gold dia-
monds. but its not just your eyes that make
me smile. its your lips as well; the pink, plump
lips. the lips that i wanna kiss for hours with.
the ones that always smile at me. the ones that
never change. that pretty salmon color pink.
the pink that the flowers have during spring.
it hasn't changed. my feelings for you. its stayed
the same for months now. you'll always be the
love of my life. and that my love will never change.

Mar 2015

babe

the small things in life

you remind me of
the first summer breeze;
warm, relaxing.
you remind me of
the first autumn rain;
cool, refreshing.
you remind me of
the winter coats;
huggable, cozy.
you remind me of
the flowers blooming in spring;
beautiful, colorful.
you remind me of
the small things in life;
the stars in the sky,
the salty sea breeze at the beach,
the feeling when you put fuzzy socks on,
the sun and moon,
the feeling of waking up feeling refreshed.
everything i think about
reminds me of you.

Mar 2015

babe

Unbalanced

I remember when you first said hi to me.
I died inside, even though I didn't know you.
I had butterflies in my stomach
and the vivid thoughts of us dating;
Even though we just met.
You always flirted with me;
even though you liked other girls.
Month's past and I got your number,
from the girl who liked you.
I remember that day like it was yesterday.
December 15, 2014
I sent you homework;
You moved really fast.
I went along; Considering you
were the one who started it.
And I liked you.
We would talk about all the deep stuff
How we should move to New York
How you would come over and we would study
How you said you would keep me safe and happy.

Well two days later you lied.
You got high;
Talked about other girls how you would talk about me
I was emotionless the next day;
upset because I thought you'd be better than the first.
Upset because you lied to me.
I wasn't upset because you did drugs.
Upset because you broke me again.
Hoping you would fix me.

I watched movies all winter break
Didn't help
I texted other people hoping to forget about you
Didn't help
I tried talking it out; Drawing it out.
Nothing helped

But
The worst part is that,
You didn't even notice.