This spiral im in,
Each wave that comes,
I just need to wait
For the meds—
To make me numb.

when somethings too good to be true
I stand still and think
is this real

seeing for the ones with doubt
is believing
believing for the ones with faith
is seeing

And I'm cold in my bed
Tired
Pillow covered in tears because that's where they're used to falling
And I just want to be loved

And I know I am by my friends
And my family
But I want to be stuck in someone's head
And I want them to rub my arm and make me a little bit less cold
And maybe have my tears land on their shoulder instead

I want to be the poem and not the poet for once

I would climb mountains
Hijack cars
Walk 26 days
And almost die
If that meant I could hug you
Even one time

I can't cut
No more
No
No
No
I promised

But the feelings are so strong
Overflowing me
I need them to pour down my arm
And out of my body

I can't
I can't be that weak
I just need to breathe
...
My lungs fail me

But no
No
No
I can't reach for it
Not allowed
Not anymore
Done with that, right?
I really just want to grab the knife
Razor
Needle
Anything
And end this misery
At least soothe it a little

But no
No
No
No
I can't

The words of my heart
say i love you
and i care for you
The words of my mouth....

the ring
that fell from the high heaven
to be protected and placed
on a finger to save
but it mattered to all and none
were saved