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Kaitland Dec 2020
You thought you were a story
In my never ending book
But not even half a chapter
Before you got too hooked
And I’m sorry you got hurt
I really don’t know why?
It comes so natural for me
to manipulate and lie.
My thoughts never seem sinister
And my heart feels in the right place
But I picked you up and held you
With all the care I had
Too soon my arms forgot they were ever even around you.
And you fell like porcelain.
Such a pretty broken doll.
Kaitland Dec 2020
I know one day I’ll meet my fate
If I am ongoing this way I may meet it sooner than later. Most people tell me I should be I should be more fearful. Though my thoughts on the reaper are loudly quite.
Surely I must be scared but I’m also scared to wake up tomorrow and practice my sadness in 7 steps again and ongoing until I really reach my end. I don’t feel anymore, so what’s worth living for, the things that made me happy now are dead, love, hope, little pills that get me through the day. so perhaps I’ll join them forever in death. My love, my dreams, my fantasy’s. I don’t think the reaper is scared of me but nor am I. I Just want peaceful and pleasant goodbye.
Kaitland Dec 2020
My thoughts are tangled hair
This maze I stumble through winter
That Folds me in like bat wings
Until I disappear
To the basement of my mind
Where none of this is real.
Kaitland Dec 2020
All happiness and unhappiness
Solely depends upon the quality
of the object or person to which we are
Attached by love. My love Is sitting in a velvet green bag full of ashes.
I’m *******.
Kaitland Dec 2020
Winter comes each year with a promise of chaos. Like clockwork I cannot stop it. My mind grows darker and my vision fads till all the worlds a dim lit gray. As a child I recall telling my parents I saw in black and white. Assured themselves I was lying. An exaggeration perhaps, but a lie? No.
October ends and the little things I can control are now controlling me. Like an old marionette doll on fraying strings. By December I’m peering up beneath the water. My reality now darker, like twisted, tangled hair that falls off in large clumps and clog my memory. I forget how to sleep, I no longer recognize my reflection. I’m something different? Pale, tall, sometimes bigger but mostly too small. My bones poke and protrude through my skin, my hips have turned to hooks whose only job is to hold up my *******. I’ve gone mad again. It happens every year as far back as I remember. Just don’t leave me here in the icy heart of December.
Kaitland Dec 2020
It hurts upon the sight of injection
Where needlils pierce my face because I’m fearful of growing older.
I’m light upon my feet because I forgot how to eat years and years ago.
The hole in my heart is full from the holes I put in my brain with pills.
My relality doesn’t measure up to yours because I refuse to make a decision.
You can’t choose wrong if you just don’t choose. So may I bud and never flower.
Kaitland Dec 2020
I’m upside down
Everyone else is right side up
Why I am like nobody else?
Should I shout and scream?
Am I lost in some dim lit dream?
Where convex mirrors cover the walls
Only shows a contorted, twisted version of yourself. Am I somebody else? I’ve forgotten who I am. How to right myself back up.
Am I real? Am I real? Am I real enough to die?
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