my fingers are laced in a chalice
of drugs that **** my sensations.
i used to resist them as a loner—
until the white coat angel
ignited my fouls with
radio-**** tweaking.

now i sprawl in expiring
fictions that come anew
and reprint their additives;
making me a king
of numbers, of colours,
of game.

until my world is all
mold and brain.

i hope you know I always was,
in my head with a million guns,
spraying leads and speaking duds.

i kiss his heart,
surrounding it—
and it dips with grace
inside me.

it's imbued with rose
pulsing veins; a living choir.
so let's recite our communal desire;
and bloom this flower.

It's hard to speak openly as a man
who only knew how to be a boy.

My credentials are lackluster,
I only have my mothers words

on how I never learned patience.
My heart fears big men in small places,

I guess that's why I never grew up...
I was afraid to stand tall and speak up.

I wake with stone eyes that
plaster tears through my crevices;
petrifying my momentum.

I'm stuck here perpetually,
praying only to those who can't hear.
I'm a stone wall; a mountain that
passes no breeze.

I solidify in this coffin waiting
bitterly for a lovers kiss
that will never come.
for my worth isn't written on my lips;
its plastered on my obituary.

I failed all my poetry
by belching words
that isn't me
I bob and weave and stitch the
seams
adverting mental catastrophe
with one eye flush and one eye
shut
I spew the jargon that lights me up
I post it here I post it there
and hope it sticks and fills
the air

O, it is definite.
I submit to your summit,
And linger there indefinitely.

Like my father did,
O, so perfectly lulled;
took the pill

His mother nursed him with,
To forget his father, he who
Met his grace

Earlier than the stripling of your years.
O, how he reset your communion,
Traced your strength asunder-

Compacted you into diamonds;
Your violence mined them with duds.
Recall me now, you recalled me then-

Never now, do you see me,
Without yourself as him.
Him for his failings.

I am your mirror to you,
The roses you gave me
Have been rotting since 1962.

O father, I just wanted you to be true
But you took your dead father,
And gave me him too.