The water crashes down
I watch it fade away, this year, these friends,
What will happen to us?
The murky depths are swirling and pushing,
I wish i was with you.
I relive the waterfall, my eyes burning, my lungs cold,
It's like it happened yesterday, and I still can't find the surface
I wish it could all stay, I don't want you to go...

I watch the words swim,
and swallow razor blades.
I wish I could say I'm okay,
but unfortunately, I can't speak a word.
I skip lunch, my stomach too turbulent to trust.
I do my math test, correct some science papers
I don't want to go home, would honestly rather be at school
I don't know why I can't take a break, but I'll just keep coughing,
Sitting in my sick...

I've learned that doubt is part of the journey,
as integral and important as faith.
I've learned  that it can be easier to leave people to their own conclusions,
rather than try to explain a convoluted truth.
I've learned that love is not to be protected, but risked,
and that loving someone is an inherently dangerous act.
You taught me the difference between losing something you knew you had, and losing something you didn't.
And how you can only feel something by its absence,
by the empty spaces left.
And I know that soon, I'll get that feeling.
The one after you finish a book or turn off a movie.
Where I feel thrown back into a reality I don't want, one I don't belong to.
And my chest will become cavernous.

Out with the old
In with the new
At least
That's what they told me

Sweeping up dust
Throwing open windows
Letting in spring
That's what they told me

Clear out your contacts
Delete those old pictures
Wipe the slate clean
That's what they told me

Open up and let go
All that you once were
Rebirth yourself
That's what they told me

Letting go of the things
That kept me alive
Left with only loss
They never told me that

I can't stop looking at
Empty photos
And wondering
Why everyone leaves

I wish I was
A blank page
So perfectly clean
Nothing to see
Nothing to fear
No disorders
No skeletons
In closets
No dusty corners
Filled with secrets
No quiet tears
No sleepless nights
Just a blank page
Ready for life

I miss you.
Can we start over?
I know we both want what we had, but is that lost?
Can I come over?
Maybe explain and  introduce who I am now?
...
Do you still want me?
I cried myself to sleep,
Night after night.
Is this what it's like to be me?
I scream and kick and shout
Crying and tearing...
Should you know me?
Would you heal without me?
I don't know.
I love you.