I am terribly near sighted
Consciously and subconsciously
I see not what I have saw
And
I hear not what I have heard
Sometimes,
In fact most of the time,
I don’t even feel
What I should have felt

But the mirror of life
It keeps a record of every little thing
And I relive in my dreams
All that I have missed

And much much more:

All I ever need
Is just a little hint of life:

Your lovely little smile
I failed to respond to during the day
Would haunt me
With what would seem like
A whole lifetime of sweet champagne
And
Kisses of cherries and grapes
With a scent of longing that
Fills me to the core with
Twinges that burst throughout
My entire being
Shining brightly from
Every single particle of my
Soul

The little chirps and calls of crickets
That alternate between the oblivious
Moon upon a bed of restless stars
And the wizened sun
Would always take me to a land
Unlived, untouched, unruined
A vast nonexistence
A vast ruin full of life
Where I have never been so alone
Yet so fulfilled, so joyful, and so
Free

And

The dreamless gale that
Would raise me up to mountains
From which I can finally gaze down
With sure and confident eyes
Upon the whole of life
And
See, sense, and feel
Every scenery and every being
With the purest of colours
Rowing down the crimson rivers
In a canary boat caressed by
A forest of ocean blue sequoias
Blanketed with a soup of
Violet stars
Into the heart of the universe

Where everything that have lived
Or could have lived
Never went away

Where nothing is ever gone
But just lost
So momentarily
Like a wandering child
Let out into the world
Seemingly defenselessly
Yet, perfectly safe
Under the hidden watch of
The mother

Where everything I love
Love me just as much
And so much more

Where I am never just me
But a child
A poet
A painter
A musician
An ancient pilgrim

Where I can fall into stars
And float up to the edge
Of the sky
Swim in the air without my feet
Ever touching the ground

Where I am finally
Held by you
The one person
I love most unyieldingly
In a death grip of never letting go.

People fear meaningless things,

An occurring fear occurs,

Everyone's afraid of death,

So they say,

But I say, what's there to be afraid?

I know my fate,

Just let it take me already,

I'm not missing out on much,

I'm not suicidal,

But death,

Tis so sweet,

It's ruby lips,

Poison dripping,

Calling my name,

Hair on end,

Goosebumps rising on my skin,

Chills dancing down my spine,

It won't take much effort,

To end it all.

Can't you see?

I'm not afraid of death at all

I Have sustained
Healing of my brain
Yet, I have come to terms
With so much more
realization that I am not
In control
Jesus gave His life
on this earth
To save my soul
Thank you Jesus
For all you've done
Thank You Father
For sacrificing Your Son
I finally see
That He is the
True matter to me

Your arms seem almost familiar
A warm hold around my heart
A utopia between your sheets
As I curl up onto your chest
Your warmth resonates upon my face
I could stay there forever
Basking in your cologne
A smell I have since missed

I find comfort in your name
Knowing you are always there
Ready to take away my pain
And lull away my worry
It’s been this way for years
But I know I can’t stay
For you will never see me as I see you
You will never long for my company
Or find solace in my gaze
You will never crave my touch
You will never love me

I want so badly not to love you
So I may hold onto you a little longer
But the comfort of your name begins to fade
Bringing sorrow and yearning for a love
That will never be returned
And for that I must go
For as long as I have you
I fear I can never love another

The wait has been long
Two weeks and counting
As everyday passes
You tell yourself to be patient
And do your work calmly
As though everything is all right
As the minutes turn to hours
Hours turn to days
And days turn to weeks
But still nothing happens
No message from your bank
No credit added to your account
Same old excuses given
Your resolve can no longer hold
Your steely focus falters
You make mistakes
That you would not have made
Even in your wildest dreams
Every hurdle looks insurmountable
The commute to office
Suddenly seems like a marathon
You lash out at strangers
Over matters as mundane
As your typing speed
At home, you drown yourself
In Agatha Christie's finest ****** mysteries
Forgetting that you have to sleep
Just reading and reading
To escape from the mad world around you
Till your eye muscles scream in protest
You clench your fists
Flex your muscles
And sharpen your teeth
As the devil awakens inside you
Ready to pounce on your master
And seek divine retribution
For making you wait so long
And denying you
What is rightfully yours

sorry if i caused u unhappiness
u always seemed unhappy with me
unhappy of what i do
u don’t seem to show it
but i know it
and why
why are u so unhappy
it’s okay
u can leave any time u want
i already told u
but u still stay
and i don’t know why
its okay for people to leave in my life
because it seems so common to me
that it is nothing already
just leave
please
i don’t want to see u so unhappy