Loneliness
My constant companion
A friend I befriended from my childhood
That sticks with me through thick and thin
No matter where I go
Who I am with
It never let goes off me

Loneliness
A core memory
I’ve relived a countless times
That was responsible for the tears I’ve shed
No matter how many tears
How many hours of therapy
It still hurts

Loneliness
An inevitable emotion
I have stopped running away from
And instead embraced
Because no matter how painful it can be
I always find myself in the end

Stumbling into a room
Innebriated, flushed
Sweat collects heavily
Over your brow
A shaky forefinger
Thrown into faces
Of strangers in the hall
And then back at me
Swears used as adjectives
You tell the tales
Of the disappointment
You can't help but feel
When you look at me
I find myself apologizing
For carrying your genes
For knowing you
For being born with your name
I find myself apologizing
And though I don't say it
I'm really apologizing
For not being as valuable
To you as whiskey.

It's not as if
It was the end of the world
Or like I didnt pull through
And survive that moment
It's just that
My entire world changed
And the parts of me that I loved
Didn't make it out alive

Some times
I think about how
The word
Alphabet
Means Alpha
And Beta
And how that
Implies a
....
Like the
Alphabet
Doesn't really
Ever end
So now the
Letter Z
Raises questions
In my brain
And I wonder
What comes
After it
That is why
I cannot
Sleep.