Listening to:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5ut6KpgVRNs

I'm a hopeless romantic.  Any time I see a sweet older couple, I question if that kind of love has become lost for those of us that are from the younger generations.  I picture finding someone kind who brings a positive and uplifting energy full of transparency.  Does that exist anymore?

Listening to:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mSQQI2GFqX8

I was inspired to write this poem while listening to music by an artist named Jazmine Sullivan.

If we could start over fresh, would it change things? <3

For the first time in a while I've been having vivid dreams...some a little scary so thought I'd share some remnants of one of them on here.

I had to be brave and share this poem. The reason I haven't been on this site for a while is that I became involved in a new relationship about seven months ago, and I should have known better. It moved way too fast and it felt so right at first but then I began to feel that something was off and kept ignoring the signs.  Now I realize that I was being used, controlled, manipulated, gaslighted, and abused (Mainly verbally but in subtle physical ways). I kept telling myself the reason I hadn't blogged in a while was because I was in the honey moon phase of a relationship when in reality someone was controlling me to the point where I lost my identity.  I thought I had learned, but at least I escaped... last week I left the apartment I shared with him, and felt like it was scary beyond what I can explain that would make sense to anyone.  Grateful to be safe now. Drove 2,500 miles with my kitties. Will have to find yet another new job but safety is the most important thing.  If I tried to explain what happened in the last few months, I feel that no one would ever believe me because it would all sound too crazy and he constantly made himself out to be the victim/good guy in front of his friends/family.  I felt like my head was constantly under water...nothing I could say or do, trapped and always uncomfortable. I want to write more about it now and at the same time I'm hesitant.  I am sharing this not only to release what is inside of me but also in case I can reach any other victims of domestic violence out there.  I now know that the only option is to get out before it is too late! <3


https://www.thehotline.org/is-this-abuse/abuse-defined/

A subconscious creation.  Easter blessings <3

Music playing: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nGtcRxP_OR4

Listening to:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VGP6JP_hAPM

I will always question what was real and what wasn't, but one thing I know is that day I felt a deep love for you as we admired the raw and simple beauty in life.  I will always wish that our love was possible in this life but in my heart I know it wasn't meant to last here.

Can anyone else not believe this is happening?  Why does it seem surreal.  Life is unpredictable for sure... I am counting my blessings and in a way feel like I'm living in some strange movie.  I lived in Seattle for about the last two years, and right as the first cases of coronavirus were found there my entire life happened to turn upside down (Completely unrelated to the virus) and it was like I was led far from Seattle to be closer to my family.  We are staying safe so far and have each other for support.

Stay safe out there <3

Listening to:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aM3FJ40kC18

This poem can have multiple meanings depending on the perspective of the reader.  When writing it, I was thinking about how I've always wanted to be good enough in myself for someone...just my soul in its simplest form, accepted & understood without having to explain...lost in this dream.

I write as an escape from the quarantine...trying to post every day. A lot of people are having anxiety right now.  I find that focusing on new pieces can be good therapy.