I'm literally so tired
I could fall asleep right now
It's a struggle to stay awake
Despite all of the sounds

I was tossing and turning
All night long
I woke up a few times
Thinking I would fall.

I know if I don't sleep soon
I won't wake up until late in the afternoon
but I can't stop thinking about you
and how you smiled at me
as the distance between us disappeared.
I know it won't be much longer,
but I miss you.
I miss watching you sing
and hugging you until a song was over.
I remember your heartbeat
and feeling nervous as you found mine.
I want to be close to you again.

Before you, I'd never had anyone comfort me the way you have. I think that's why I keep all these sentimental things. So that even when you're not around me, you still are, in a sense.

you're my best friend
the one I feel comfortable with
just being together, even in silence.

I feel like I could get sick any minute now,
The words that you confirmed have intensified my frown.
I need to find some way, somehow to get out of this town.
I'm tired of being trapped here, I just need to get out.
I miss feeling comfort, when the tears all run down.

Please, someone save me, I'm tired of this drought.
Take me to Cherrapunji, where my tears can blend in.
Maybe after the rain stops there I'll be able to accept it.
But right now, as I'm crying in my bed..

I'm afraid my stomach has decided, this is the end.

My heart hurts when I remember.

The girl clinged to the trees
As she ran through the woods
There was a passing breeze
She got chills but still ran,
She had to get away
From that dreadful land
and go back to the one she loves.
She got lost a time or two
But always kept pushing through
and soon she will be where he is.

10% and I feel tired and somewhat sad.
8% and things are stirring in my head,
I might take a nap.
5% and I plug my charger into the wall.
I'm not sure what just washed over me,
But I'm ready for the fall.

Spider
Screams
Desperate
Dreams
Dead
Spider
Sad
Girl
Typing legs
Crawling words
Laying
Fan; starring
Irritated
Life's complicated
Music
No
Carpet; stains
Goodbye

I'm not so tired,
I feel kind of strange.
I wish you were here with me,
But I'll be okay...

And now I'm laying in the dark crying,
Wishing for some form of comfort.
But I don't need this right now.
I need to embrace my frown.
Don't give in to the tightening of your heart.
It's not a permanent occurrence.
That is what I'm afraid of.
I won't give into this feeling.
Because I'm afraid it will fade.
He does not deserve that loss.
So I will continue to be lost.
All by myself.
This is my fate.

Are you happy now?
Don't pretend you're okay.
Don't say it's just another day,
Because I know the truth.
I can see it in your face.
Those puffy eyes..
I remember them.
On mine.

It happened again
I let someone in
I felt like we were close
but we floated apart

I'll try to distract myself with art,
I feel so alone,
but can't tell anyone
is this how it starts?

My montage?

I see it in TV shows,
movies and music videos
People evolve and change
but I seem to stay the same

But I'll wait for my beginning
The part where I press play
and see myself at the end
I wonder, will I be grinning?

I feel full of regret,
but I cannot reach out again
to these people I copied
whether it was a mistake or not

I have realized I don't have identity.
This is why I'm lonely.
I don't know who I am
I know who I like but drive them away

I'm a mirror for others to use as display.

Chores at 3:00 AM,
Thoughts breaking through my skin.
Don't do that **** to him.
He wouldn't embrace this either way.
So keep moving along, don't stay in place.
You know it'd happen anyways.
You're incapable of such things.
So, go back to cleaning.
Bubbly water splashes.
Plates break,
You cry as you take in your fate.
Emotions are ****** up.
Which is why you were meant to stay alone.

I'll never stop waiting for you.

An apology isn't an explanation
It took me until now to get it.
It's upsetting how blind I am
to my own hypocrisy.

I've always wanted acceptance
and felt it was an essential need,
I'd break down each time
My parents couldn't apologize

They'd bring up excuse after excuse,
"It's my belief," "I'm not wrong," "this is my side..."
I hated them for this
But had my own way of doing the same thing.

Does this mean I'm the narcissist?
I'm the selfish, arrogant. awful person
I saw reflecting back at me
Through my family?

These thoughts creep up on me again and again,
They make me want to crawl under a rock,
Become dust and eventually drift away
at least in the wind I could change.

tired;
I want you here.
I want to lay with you
and not be scared.

I know
it's not much longer, right?

You light up my world
and scare away the thunder.

You used to always be there with your wards, but now you don't support me anymore.

I turn the lights off
I don't want to sleep
but I guess I should.

I keep rolling over
expecting to see you there...
but the screen stays black
and you're back in your own chair.

All these words smothered on my face,
I smile anyways.

I'm starting therapy again today,
I'm nervous and excited
but wondering what to say,
I don't want another misdiagnosis

Why do I feel so sad?
Each time I turn over
I physically, feel more bad.
Once I get over it
and think I'm alright...
the next day comes.
Then I'm up all night.

The distance may be far right now,
but the marks on her heart remain
and she longs for the day
they will be together again.

I lay here silently listening in the light for her to scream or possibly cry, during this time alone I realize how I may have sounded. Now I'm less frustrated, more sad. I didn't mean for what I said to sound bad. Today turned around quicker than I had expected. I haven't felt this bad in a while. I'm sorry.

I hate the feeling
of my heart beating
I wish it would go away
It makes me anxious
maybe I'm going insane...
I never used to notice it,
so why do I now?

About to sleep again...
Stress has gone to my head,
I'm tired and miss my friend.

It's always been hard for me to switch,
To stop what I'm doing and move on to the next thing
That I'm told to do, whether it's at home, work or even going to the grocery store.

Sometimes I sit for 20 minutes before going in somewhere.
Punctuality has been a staple for me
Even if it means sitting in my car for an hour,
I will be there on time.

I like having time in between these things to prepare
It's like I need to switch mindsets before I begin,
Sometimes 8 hours felt like a punishment.
Other times it can fly by thanks to dissociation.

running myself ragged
i won't stop until i grasp it
pondering won't solve anything
pigeoning at least brings me peace
even when i'm tired i'll keep going
don't worry anymore, jellyfish

Everything hurts.
My face scrunching up as the tears burst out of me
The lump in my throat that prevents me from speaking
The thoughts I'm forced to face now that feel never ending.

No one thinks the unbelievable will happen,
Until it simply does.
and the responses I have in the moment-
make me feel incredibly ****** up.

Shock is more numbing than the walk in freezer at work.
It's as if I were reading anything, not her actual words.  
I don't know who to blame,
or maybe I do- but that feels worse.

I have so many dreams
of you and I together
waking in each others arms
smiling at one another
and I want nothing more
than to make them happen.

It's so hot in here,
*is it because of you?

When I can't sleep,
during nights like these..
I sometimes cry for hours.
We're all dying flowers.

Do you ever wish you could turn it off?
Your mind, your heart, your saddest song?
The part of you that lays awake
until the crack of dawn in tears and shaking.
The part that wants to hide away
the one inside who stays
only to make your day horrible before it's even begun.
Don't you wish you could turn it off?

My fan won't stop creaking
and I cannot stop thinking.
My eyes are willfully burning
but when I close them it doesn't stop the hurting.

Tonight I turned into one of those couples that I would stare at when my family would take long road trips. Tonight, a dream of mine came true. Tonight I really loved, singing together in the car with you.

I tear up as I recall you and I standing so closely, with this song playing.

I'm a horrible person

I love being beside you
and seeing behind the screen.
Did you know, you make me
want to be the best person I can be?
I think that's really something.
How happy you make me.

As far back as I can see
I've always had a question,
"Whats wrong with me?"

I can't connect with my sisters,
or with my mom or dad,
My face, to them, only ever looks sad.

I want to say maybe this wasn't always the case,
Maybe before I can remember,
There was something that changed?

I don't know what shifted,
What made me so different
I just know I felt unwanted often.

Heavy heart.
Tightening lungs.
Confused thoughts.

It's as if you've released a chemical inside of me, and because of that chemical I'm happy.