You act as if I've disgraced you in every way possible.
Little do you know,
I don't respect you,
I hate you.

I'm walkin' around my neighborhood,
Looking at all the different colors,
It's just that kind of October,
Where everything is pretty,
And it can get kind of chilly,
But that's okay,
I'm wearing my sweater today,

And today,
Is the day that I'm gonna see you again..
And I'm nervous,
But I'll be alright,
I'm just feeling my heart race on the inside,
And regardless of the consequences,
I'll be with you tonight,
I'm seeing you tonight.
In this October chill,
We'll feel all the right feels.

I see little kids over across the street,
They kind of remind me of how we use to be,
When we were young,
And life goes on,
And even though it gets scary,
Growing up and all,
We have eachother through the fall.

And today,
Is the day that I'm gonna see you again..
And I'm nervous,
But I'll be alright,
I'm just feeling my heart race on the inside,
And regardless of the consequences,
I'll be with you tonight,
I'm seeing you tonight.
In this October chill,
We'll feel all the right feels.

Just feel like driving,
Clearing my head,
I look back in our past,
and I just see our smiles and laughs,
So many memories.
I can't forget.
But you and me baby,
We're gone and past..

I don't wanna go back and see our past,
I'm so tired of crying as I lay down on the floor,
You broke my heart babe,
and I gave back yours,
Too bad,
So sad,
Is all my mom can tell me anymore.

I keep waiting,
For you to say you're sorry,
and that you'd like to see me,
but you're not gonna do that, are you?
And even though I'm crying it seems I keep denying,
That anything ever happend,
because,

I don't wanna go back and see our past,
I'm so tired of crying as I lay down on the floor,
You broke my heart babe,
and I gave back yours,
Too bad,
So sad,
Is all my mom can tell me anymore.

I can understand the need of a feeling.
Of that- feeling.
A feeling that makes you want to stay alive.
A drive, stronger than an illegal high.
Maybe it's the only reason you're wanting to survive
these heartache filled stages.

That silly feeling inside,
Bubbly or fluttery?
I can't decide.
It's as if a million butterflies are just there,
Underneath your skin tickling you without a care,
They want you to know that these feelings are rare.
Embrace them don't push them.
Just let them happen.

Heart sinking.
Lips trembling.
Tears falling.
Thoughts crumbling.

Friends happy.
Parents crazy.
Siblings laughing.
You crying.

Heart ache.
Lips shake.
Tears soak.
Thoughts loath.

Eyes tired,
Mind fired.
Life is quiet,
Feelings riot.

People just don't understand that my scars are part of what make me who I am,
I may have created them out of foolishness,
but they were debated over agony in the purist.
You may look at me differently because of them,
and of course I understand that,
they are not what make me pretty, nor friendly.
But they remind me that I am not always correct about everything.
They remind me that pain is real.
That I can feel whatever I want to feel in this insane world,
and even though I did make them myself,
I can remember the pain that was felt that in fact inspired them.

and now late at night when the silence creeps in,
I cannot sleep because I remember back then.
and the pain that you dealt may have been done in secret,
but either way you knew that I would hear it, and I will not say a word of hate towards you,
because we were small people in the middle of the sea.
And when I look down I have a constant reminder of that,
but I am stonger now, because of all the tears you caused me to cry.
I will stand taller now, because of your cruelties towards me.
I'll know not to cry next time.
Because in that situation it made things worse.

Why am I not surprised...?
This, always happens to me..
Nothing ever works out.. with anyone.
Everyone always leaves.

And it'll never be the same.
Wake me up.. some other day!
When the rain stops pouring over me.
and the sun comes out for a while..

But of course that's too much to ask for,
I'm in another life,
Where you can't hurt me anymore,
But that doesn't stop this fight.

I'm breathing.
Hey, wait I think I'm breaking.
I'm over the edge just thinking,
What if this is unpleasing, to you

I hope it's not,
Because the thought makes me go into shock,
I use to be falling so hard for you,
but it seems lately I've been crying it through
and now things are clearing up just a bit,
but my eyes are still red and I just can't help it.

So, please tell me this
Did I really hurt you?
I hope that I didn't,
I'm just trying to get through.
Because honestly an apology is long overdue.

But of course it'd be mine,
The line that'll seem blind,
Did you see it or not,
I think that you may have skipped it.

Acidic fury is exactly what I'm feeling, towards you.
The tactics that you've caused me to go through are so painful
I do not understand why you would be so untruthful.
It's almost as if I am floating upon this drift that is full of words you had said in the sweetest of voices.
"I love you."
"You're my stars, my suns, my galaxies."
I keep repeating these sentences thoroughly through-out my mind, every single night.
Remembering the tone, the beat, the eye contact you had made.
Trying to take in the truth, that it was always fake.
Your undying ability to lie straight to my face, was so horrid.
I am feeling betrayed as this 'Caraphernelia' settles in.
I am unaware of the day when my memory of you will fade away.
I hope it's soon.

Your voice is still ringing in my ears as I am dizzily spinning around in my mind,
Trying and trying to just get by this heart breaking of stages.
If only it were easier to forget your name.
Your name.
I will not repeat.
I do not want to say it, I will not cry screaming for you again.
I cannot.
There it is.
The words that you had said to me.
"I love you."
"You are my stars, my suns, my galaxies."
Now I'm crying.
I keep repeating these sentences thoroughly through-out my mind, every single night.
Remembering the tone, the beat, the eye contact you had made.
Trying to take in the truth, that it was fake.

It's funny how you lie, because I know it all.
The things that you say behind these walls,
But I won't let you know this, no I will not throw a fit.
Because he'd spit out lines of ignorance all over me.
And our friendship is more important to me than this,
This sweet ignorance.

The pain you've been causing recently to me hurts,
It burns every curve, every slot, it slurs my mind,
Because I've believed in you from the beginning of time.
And to think that you've been laughing,
Praising hate towards me.
I wish I could just wake up, and tell you about this insane dream.

Or maybe I'm the one to blame?
Have I really been acting out as crazed as you say?
Backdooring you as if you weren't anything new,
I can't recall these events in the album of my memories.
Please start pointing them out to me.

I feel as if we are strangers now.
It's breaking into my mind,
I can no longer sleep right at night.
And if I drift away, I wake up with dried tears on my face.
I don't want you to go,
Please stay by my side.
Weren't we bestfriends?
I never thought you'd be the one to make me feel as if I need to run and hide?

But now you are,
and I have to ignore this,
Because if I don't..
There will be ignorance,
Ignorance in the sweetest.
And neither of us need this.
This sweet ignorance.

I have problems.
I can't sleep at night and,
no one's really ever here for me.
Or at least it feels that way.

I mean, isn't that right? In the end it's just you.
Doesn't matter how many friends you tend to cling to,
Because the waves of reality are always shifting,
No matter what the tendency.
My parents ignore me,
and my friends avoid me,
Am I really the only one who feels this way?
It's as if I have to strain to sleep now a days.
Because so many problems stray in my mind,
I wish I could somehow change the time.

But that's not my choice,
I've been placed here inevitably,
The space I have to breathe intoxicates me.
I'm so sick of being here most days.

I dream rather often about running away.
My parents must be blind,
to not realise how stressful the way that act toward me can be.

You say you'll send me away.
But I don't care, what you say.
I won't believe in it.
I won't believe in it.
I am my own person.
I know what I'm doing,
So why don't you be quiet,
and just let me live.

You people can be so strict.
I hate this house that I'm living in.
Sometimes I lose my cool and tend to
throw a fit..
But you can't tell me what to believe,
I have my own mind, and it's free.
Even if you send me away,
I swear up and down to stay the same

You say you'll send me away.
But I don't care, what you say.
I won't believe in it.
I won't believe in it.
I am my own person.
I know what I'm doing,
So why don't you be quiet,
and just let me live.

You can keep telling me,
that I'm acting like a fool.
But that doesn't mean I'll
change my ways,
Just for you.
So stop telling me that I'll lose.

You say you'll send me away.
But I don't care, what you say.
I won't believe in it.
I won't believe in it.
I am my own person.
I know what I'm doing,
So why don't you be quiet,
and just let me live.

I'm now at my personal high.
No more fighting; no more lies.
I'm readying myself for a brand new life.
A beginning that I myself couldn't pass.