Spider
Screams
Desperate
Dreams
Dead
Spider
Sad
Girl
Typing legs
Crawling words
Laying
Fan; starring
Irritated
Life's complicated
Music
No
Carpet; stains
Goodbye

Are you happy now?
Don't pretend you're okay.
Don't say it's just another day,
Because I know the truth.
I can see it in your face.
Those puffy eyes..
I remember them.
On mine.

I remember the past, infatuation.
Just breathe, pull it all back in.
Ignore it, shove it past the gates.
The gates of your imagination.
Focus on the now.
Things will work out.
Don't worry about what's happened.
Focus on doing things different.
You can make it.

I never thought I'd meet someone so intriguing.
He makes my mind go from so serious to dreamy.
It's fascinating how different, can be a good thing.
In a matter of time I was falling asleep,
To a song I'd never heard before.
It was called his laugh.
I'm so glad.

Scratching skin.
Angry pins,
Frustration hits.
Saddening eyes.
Goodbye signs.
Tired frights,
Blurry nights.

When I can't sleep,
during nights like these..
I sometimes cry for hours.
We're all dying flowers.

Shhh, quiet down.
I hate those sounds,
That escape your mouth.
Keep them locked inside.
I'm begging for silence,
From the monsters around me.
Please stop thinking.
I can't stand the words.
That are filling my ears.
They're truly my fears.
You've caused them to be.

This Mellifluous feeling inside of my chest.
It has me ensnared in this sublime trance.
I haven't felt so close to someone in so long.
I get the urge to smile as the day passes now,
But is that so wrong?

I will always be here.
So don't hide your tears,
Share with me your fears.
For you, I'm all ears.
Ignore all of their sneers.
They're the ones who need repairs.
I will always be here.. For you.

I don't want to be left in the past.
I thought these sad times had passed,
But obviously they have not.
I'm still being left behind; forgot.

Soon enough he'll be gone.
I'll be once again at a loss.
It'll just be me, like usual.
Am I really that unapproachable?

You used to be the one who lifted me up, now you tend to break me down.

Drown me in drowsiness, take me away.
I sure as hell don't want to stay.
I'm tired of trying, and then being abandoned.
So drown me in drowsiness,
Take away my horizons.

It's saddening, right?
I'm afraid to be alone.
I don't know how to be.
But when I am surrounded.
I tend to grab my bags and flee.
I'm so tired.. of this war,
Inside of my distressed mind.
Don't tell me to love,
Then have me run.
I want a forever.
Despite the pain that I caused.
It makes me feel selfish.
I was wrong.

It's burning my insides.
Turning around my life.
I'm crying now every night.
Denying that we're right.
Please tell me you need me tonight.
This ****** isn't leaving me anytime.

He appears tough, he stands tall.
But truly, underneath it all,
He's sympathetic, vulnerable.
I can't believe myself for being so horrible.

It's true that I love him,
With my heart and soul.
But's it's somewhat-
Overwhelming.

My space I feel is shifting.
I can't tell if it's a good thing.
I want him close, near by.
However, I feel scared inside.

Will he think I'm too lazy?
What if in reality I appear pudgy.
Sure, he says he doesn't mind.
I'll just be his tubby for life.

Which I kinda like,
But still.

These insecurities.
They drown me.
Very slowly,
They're suffocating.

Please God, is it too much to ask for?
Just for once, to enjoy being loved.
I want him to pick me up in an embrace!
For ***** sake, can't I just, take off these weights...

I've hurt him.
I have nothing else to say.

I'm not as strong as everyone thinks I am,*
But it's not like anyone gives a ****.
I have a constant reminder of my depression.
It rests on my wrist in a line shaped fashion.
It was somehow an accident, my mother believes.
Little does she know that it was truly my intention.

Everytime I'm out in public I pinch myself only wishing,
I would've cut deeper, maybe just an inch further.
Would I somehow keep breathing, would I be missed?
Maybe for a little while, but I doubt it would've sticked.
No one ever realises the pain until it's taken something away.

When will we say goodbye*
The thought brings tears to my eyes.
I look down at the top of my now soaked shoes.
It's raining outside, and I'm thinking of you.
My heart can't stress enough the love I once felt,
But now I have to go prepare for this drought.
It'll be tough but I'll pull through,
I can only hope that you will too.

What do you do when love dies?
What do you do when the glow in their eyes fades..
When you remember how love drunk you once were,
And hang your head down low in shame.
What are you supposed to do?
Do you tell them the truth,
Or stick around?
Do you share your smile a while longer,
Or express your deepest of frowns?
What if you still love them in a way,
But not in the way you once did.
How do you really know when it's over?

Panic attacks for me are shakey.
I start to think everyone's starring,
I wonder what they're thinking.
My resoloution is to get out.
Then the tears come pouring down.
As they do my body follows.
I sink to the ground and try to hide myself.
The sleeves of my jacket become soaked,
And then my heart feels like it'll explode.
Anxiety is a whole nother code.

My little sister, is bright.
My little sister is unique.
My little sister is confident.
My little sister is funny,
But she's a bully.

My little sister is a bully,
I can hear it in her words.
She's someone I would hide from,
If I were in the same school as her.

My little sister is a bully,
But she's still changing.
I think the reason she's so blunt,
Is because she's afraid of being like me.

My little sister is afraid,
She saw me crying everyday.
So she shields herself with words.
It makes me feel like I've ruined her.

My little sister is a fighter,
She is thin but strong.
She's someone I want to be.
Hopefully she's still smiling.

My little sister is depressed.
But her smile is still wide.
She knows not to hide.

You said that I've lost the glow in my eyes,
Ever since I began to stay up late at night.
But you don't know how long I've been crying.
How often I would lay in my bed denying,
The tears that devolped so long ago.
I never gave you a chance to though.
You said I had a smile that made you feel nice,
And that it seemed to have disappeared over night.
But you didn't know that it was painted on.
One night I just decided to wash it off.

As you can see,
I've never been a prodigy.
Always unimpressive, apparently.
Stressing is an everday thing.
But you wouldn't care,
You're just so unaware.
Depression has me ensnared,
But you couldn't handle my despair.
So keep your eyes closed.
And I'll do the same.
The things I think about are completely insane,
I wish the good times would never change.
But this isn't my dreamland.
It's a place where I don't want to stand.
Depression is the ocean,
Anxiety is the sand,
And I'm somewhere floating in between it all.

My appetite is fading.
Is this normal?
I'm still debating.

The things you say annoy me.
Every word, destroys me.
My mind makes me hear negatively.
It's as if the voices are growing.

But you just don't believe me.
You say "depression isn't a reality."
But if you could hear my thoughts,
Would your opinions change?
What if I told you,
"I'm always walking in the rain."

Do I really have to commit for you to see my pain?
Do you not remember what anxiety did to me?
All those days that I came home crying,
Apparently you don't remember.
The blood that wouldn't stop pouring.
Sure, I told you a lie.
I told you it was an acciedent,
But it really wasn't.

You're so different from everyone else.
You light a fire inside of me that can't be put out.
I want to find a way to explain my love for you.
The words that I write, just aren't pulling through.

"QUIT."
"QUIT."
"QUIT!"

Is all that I can think!

Quit stomping!
You're creating unwanted anxiety.
Why are you walking so harshly!?
Are you, maybe, angry?
I don't want to know.

But what if my dreams are your reality?

What if we're really Sims characters and we'll all fade away once someone quits their game?

What if my pink, is your blue?

What if my floors are your ceilings?

What if my water is your orange juice?

It's as if you've released a chemical inside of me, and because of that chemical I'm happy.