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987 · Aug 2024
Her
Jayn Aug 2024
Her
In my first sighting of you,  
I painted a picture I could not erase,  
a canvas of disdain—your dress, your gait,  
the way your laughter danced like light,  
your long hair, a glowing shroud,  
your bronze skin, kissed by the sun,  
and the flowers you nurtured,  
while I, a ghost of my own mind,  
waged war against my garden,  
killing blooms for the weight I carry,  
the burden of looking at lives not my own.  

Yet, in the depths of my heart,  
I found admiration where hatred once thrived.  
I never craved your light;  
I like my eggs with edges burnt,  
my garden a desolate expanse,  
but in this solitude, I am not alone.  
What I know is a quiet truth,  
that to admit my feelings is to drown  
into the depths of my own despair,  
but I write this, inspired by the  
long shadows of your existence,  
a reflection of my own tangled soul.
486 · Oct 2024
One More Time
Jayn Oct 2024
Even when you’re deformed beyond recognition,
I shall cherish every distorted fragment of you.
I will restore each shattered piece
to fall in love with you anew.
In solitude's darkness, I shall breathe no more,
yearning only for the moment
our souls entwine once more.
Fall in love again, to feel your heart stop for the one once was beating for.
350 · Dec 2024
Solitude: Reimagined
Jayn Dec 2024
In my solitude, I glimpsed a light I could not escape,  
Your laughter danced softly over my shoulder,  
Like the time I said I could never paint—  
And you, with a tender touch,
Held my hand and said,  
"I am the greatest masterpiece you'll ever create."  

I lost my way in your gaze;  
You told me it was I who brought you to life.  

White paint was out of reach, so my canvas stayed untamed.  
Red ran dry, so I bled deep to paint you unstained.  
Your hair brushed in black, a portrait unchained.  
I shaped your hands to mirror mine,  
So when I sought comfort,  
Yours would be the warmth I craved.

But now I search in desperate despair,  
To find the sketch of you in the back of my head.
It was all in my mind—engraved.  
So when I rot and fade away,  
You will remain beyond decay.
96 · Feb 9
A Parasite's Song
Jayn Feb 9
You beat me at my own game—  
Once, twice, thrice—yours to claim.  
No. Scratch that.  

A prisoner, I linger in your void,  
What I assume, you shall assume.  
For every atom belonging to me  
As good belongs to you.  

I am the sickness you clutch,  
The wound that rots without cure.  
I win when misery becomes your hymn,  
When peace is but a ghost you cannot touch.  

O lover! O peace! I reject you both!  
I shall not be a lover—no.  
For love would banish me,  
And I would vanish from this dream.  

In torment's halls, I make my home,  
A parasite in flesh and bone.  

I sing the song of your destruction,  
The note of your ruin.  
And in your death, I win.
39 · 3d
Monologue
Jayn 3d
“I wish I could take all your pain away,”
The words fell soft, like dawn’s first lay.
She had never heard them spoken so clear,
Yet still a shadow of doubt drew near.

“That’s a lot of pain,” was all she said,
A heaviness hung in the air instead.
She’d seen such vows in stories told,
But never felt their warmth take hold.

I wandered inside, numb and still,
Each movement ruled by sheer will.
A blink, a breath—then nothing more,
But in my mind, a savage war.

No quiet place within me lies,
No peace, no solace, no disguise.
I do not know what brought me here—
I only crave escape from fear.

I want the fix, I want it now—
Though I know I am not allowed.
For healing does not come with ease,
Nor pain departs with whispered pleas.

Ravaged deep, beyond repair,
While chaos sings me to despair.
And dare I wish—through flame and rain—
To purge away this haunting pain.

I’d burn it down, this aching soul,
As if ash could somehow make me whole.

My heart farms death with each slow beat,
While yours moves on in rhythm, sweet.
I suffer, soar, weep in silence,
While you thrive beneath untroubled skies.

I mourn and sob through endless nights,
While you draw breath in morning light.
I’ve never known what peace might be—
You’ll never taste its absentee.

I suffered, I soared, I wept,
But you won’t grasp the tears I’ve shed.
You cannot know the depths I see,
Where pain and I walk inseparably.

— The End —