Betrayal comes in many forms
Many ways, different days
How can I act normal when deep down I’m not okay
How can your actions show something different with my presence
How could you dare deny me
Sometimes there’s no mask needed
When your actions are on display
Crazy how it seems so hidden
When it’s directly in my face
Such a burden to such a strong soul
How could they do you so bitter and cold
How do you fend for yourself
When you have yet learned from the past
A tender heart within your grasp
Show me more than you can tell
Words mean nothing when your actions show different
Tell me could you last if you was in my position
I hold no one to that standard
A standard of being all alone
Tell me how could you dare betray someone who’s been there all along
These masks seem to be half worn
Worn whenever you seek help
I show my complete self
Maybe I should mask up so you can get a taste of how it feel
One day you’re gonna suffer as much as I did
From a innocent child to a kid
I hold no remarks no shame and no lies
Til you feel what I feel you will always wear this disguise

A deep form of intimacy
When I hold you while we lay
You have the perfect body
But never be afraid
I love the way our bodies feel
When we’re laying when we connected
I know you always seemed to like when I would be so affectionate
You love the attention and the love I love to give
I held your heart in my hands
I promise to always keep it safe
Everytime I get unfocused but I just know right here’s the place
There no mistake we’re here
There’s no need to ever cry
Your gentle touch but timid heart
I know you afraid of goodbyes
Heart break after heartbreak
Left your mind and heart shattered
You’re sure of what you want
Just afraid it may not be any good
Not but one chance
There’s no way you’re taking that chance
You want love in return for your love in advance
Your love is automatic
So if you speak it you mean it
You’re pure heart attracts all the wrong attention
You try to give the benefit of the doubt
Even if repeatedly you mention
You break my heart just listen
I will soon fade away
I love you but I know hurt
But please don’t run away
This intimate conversation
The whispers I here in my ear
Seem to walk me down a path of unreal
You give me an impression I never felt
A high I cannot come down from
Your very spirit uplifts me
Tell me why I get so high off of you
Contemplating how a loveso strong can contain my whole mindset
Got me thinking of my past mistakes
So many regrets
Your lovings sacred I’ll protect it at all cost
This warm embrace wraps around me and I’ll never forget
The intimate conversations that left my mind with regret

A bitter taste so bitter sweet
From what I can see that’s no description of me
Small locs and edgy face
It may be love but it’s bitter taste
I’m so confused and I never should question
What was your intentions of making this happen
As it creeps up
Try my hardest to play it cool
Flashbacks and flashbacks
From the corner of my eyes I can tell it’s you
Not so sudden not so quick
No you can’t have me like this
A bitter taste
Such a sour feel
I see images of a reflection laughing at me
Got a taste of refreshness
And still it never put my mind at ease
Greed
So selfish when we’re involved
I should’ve known this love had a strong hold
One that would never be divided
I don’t know why I tried it
With every step I’m cringing
Because how I feel I cannot hide it
Go far away from me
Even at a millions miles
I don’t wanna try it
I cannot get away
Set my mind at ease I no longer crave your presence
Cause it takes control over me
No control over my mind, thoughts and actions
Everytime I see you I get sweaty and nervous
Why do you torture me do you do it on purpose
But so long and goodbye
Easier said then done
I let you go but I know you won’t be gone for long
I say I want you gone but it’s fatal attraction
We no good for each other but we even better together
So long friend I won’t write another letter
This bitter taste in my mouth
Seem to have made me better

Staring in your eyes
I see something special
I’ve seen things I only imagined
Is it true or am I’m tripping
I’ve never got this feeling
This feeling of love
Dig down deeper
You’ll see the dread
The dread that I never intervened sooner
The fact that your love have me stupid
So foolish but I love it
It seems like it’s my only escape
You make me so happy
No soul could ever relate
Your presence gave me more shock
And you kiss
Something I’ll always reminisce
Even if you ever left I’d never run empty
Every step of love I hope that you remain with me
Is it happiness I’m chasing or is it you
Is it crazy how happy you make me
And it only comes from you
I was missing out
But I’m glad I joined
From your heart to mine
The love will never stop flowing

This Dark hole holds dark secrets
The reason i cant open up to no one
I wont dare open up
Foolish mistakes for thinking im stuck up
But hey it doesn't bother me
It never seems to bother me
But i still go on with my apology


sigh
I get it I really really get it
Mad at yourself for being so ignorant
Mad at yourself for so many unknown reasons
I used to do what makes other happy
Now I would never deal with it

break
I growed
Over time ive grown
To deal with the pain you suffered all alone
You call but no one answers the phone
You need help you need help
But no one comes along
How do I deal with this thing we call depression
Stuck in this sunken room full of obsession
Obsessed with every part
Every part that I always wished for
No more active talking or getting out anymore
I'm stuck in this sunken room
Where words turn into whispers
Words sound like distant chatters
Seems like the ones you care for the most wont even acknowledge you matter
Heart shatters
Stabbed with this dagger
So many promises that you to matter
But do you
Show me cause i really need to see
Shielding off new so you cannot harm me
3rd degree you cut me deep its so easy to see you hurt me


*sigh

Im so tired
I'm so tired
I feel so weak
I feel so numb
No words to speak
I want to give up
I wanna let go
I cannot provide
I feel so low.
I'm so so tired
I'm so so tired
This cycle never ends
It just repeats
My heart slowly decreases to beat
I have to be strong
I have to pull through
Why do I have to fight
When I could just give up
I try I try but never no luck
I don't understand
Maybe I should stop
If my time ends
I hope that I drop

There's a stranger in my bedroom
And im scared to say I may not be able to mention what happened today
Theres these visions in my head
Im scared to replay
Got me contemplating whether im really okay
How your fingers corress me in such a disrespectful manner
I tell you no and it still dont matter
Why wont you stop
Why does no mean nothing to you
Ive been taking pills hoping i dissapear
Ive been playing with a rope for to long
Sometimes i wonder would it stop if I was gone
Picture this
Flashbacks from when I wrote my last note
I tried to pull I tried to pull but I still woke up