I am standing on a staircase, on the seventeenth step,
but the eighteenth onwards has no bannister,
up until now, I've had a safety net,
something to lean on when
the steps aren't lit properly.

'Now', I tell myself,
'I've seen people who have fallen
and manage to grip to the edge
and pull up...towards the next'.
'But I've seen people fall
and never get up'.

I say;
'Am I another statistic?
Am I another failure?
Am I another mangled corpse for the cleaners?
Or...
Am I going to lift my leg and take that step?
Am I to ignore the thoughts?
Am I stronger than I let myself think?'

I lift my leg.

Upwards and onwards, I guess.

I know this may be a special day to you. Maybe you would rather not celebrate it. But it's an important day none the less, as it's the day you came into this world. The day the world became a brighter and more vibrant place. A day someone caring and compassionate enough to always make me smile. even on the worst days of my life where I've lost all hope and I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. And I'm about to give up, but you come to me like my guardian angel. You take me by the wrists and look into my eyes. You say something to me and I can see your lips moving but I hear nothing. But I can tell by the expression on your face and the smile that came afterward what you said. "you are special" Those words wander my mind till I finally find the meaning of them. I stop crying immediately, and I embrace you. Everything seems to melt away from the warmth of your touch. I no longer have a care in the world. So I go ahead and steal a kiss from you. I want you to have an amazing birthday. So this special time of the year I give to you as a gift, myself. To make you happy always. Because when you said "you are special" you were really saying "you are loved"

Yeah, I want you
But I can't have you
So I want you more..