You’ve seen her every day,
and she’s quick with a smile.
Always laughing and happy,
and joyful all the while.

She fell in love young,
and married the perfect man.
She has two beautiful children,
and helps others when she can.

You’re envious and jealous,
of the perfect life she leads.
So beautiful and perfect,
and she always succeeds.

I bet you can’t imagine,
that she cries herself to sleep.
That sometimes she’s so unhappy,
that all she can do is weep.

I bet you wouldn’t guess,
that Mr. perfect likes to drink.
Or that he shoots up ******,
over the bathroom sink.

Would you be surprised,
if she lifted up her shirt,
and you could see the bruises,
and scars where he likes to hurt?

Would you be shocked,
if you knew those kids had seen,
the night he broke her nose,
and put a hole in the tv screen?

Would you be understanding,
if she came to you for help?
If she told you everything,
and you could see the welts.

Mr. and Mrs. perfect,
always happy as can be.
Next time take a closer look,
and I wonder what you’ll see.

I wanted to write this,
as a final farewell.
I had dreams of the impact,
as I walked into hell.

I had visions of you,
falling to your knees,
as you heard the news,
and I ceased to be.

I thought of all of the hurt,
and how unbearable it felt,
and how it just kept coming,
and feeling my sanity melt.

Sometimes I wake up,
from nightmares in tears,
and I know that they’re memories,
that I don’t allow to come clear.

Taking the gun,
off the shelf by my bed.
The weight of eternity,
filled with dead lead.

At the table with a knife,
tracing veins on my wrist,
fighting back the voice,
through a drunk ******* mist.

The countless bottles,
I poured into the pain,
Trying to find some relief,
and only finding more shame.

I wanted to hate you,
I wanted to make you pay.
So that maybe you’d know,
what it was like every day.

But now even that’s gone,
and I’m so tired now.
Now I just want to rest,
and cover my brow.

Now I don’t care if it hurts you,
or if you’d weep openly.
You’ve taken that too,
along with the rest of me.

Just please stop the hurt,
I can’t take it no more.
Erase what you can,
and please shut that door.

I just wanted to love you,
and make you my world.
Now my world is burning,
and my vision’s left swirled.

How do you transform,
emotions into words?
How do you describe despair,
without sounding absurd?

How can you paint,
using just text?
Trying your best to show hell,
through memories so convex.

It’s distorted, and ******,
and makes no ******* sense.
So you simply stop trying,
and let the pen run hence.

It’s like a highway,
from your head to your hand,
and the words simply flow,
into pictures you understand.

Vivid details,
melted to the core.
Simplistic observations,
into complicated lore.

It’s a rush, and insane,
like a dictated fever.
Like Frankenstein’s monster,
after pulling the lever.

When it’s done, and you’re empty,
re-reading your prose,
you can feel that channel,
starting to close.

Those are the times,
when I’m most at peace.
When the poison is gone,
and I’ve fed the beast.

I’ll never know how,
I get rid of the pain,
but thank God I can,
or I’d go insane.

Sometimes I create daydreams,
with nothing omitted,
and if others could see,
then I would be committed.

Daydreams of the pain,
that I’d make you endure,
till you begged me to stop,
as you writhe on the floor.

Dreams of carving “bad mommy”,
into your forehead,
so that your always reminded,
even if I’m dead.

Dreams of hurting him,
for what he’s done to our son,
you never lifting a finger to stop,
not ******* one.

Using me like you did,
like I wasn’t even real,
like I wasn’t a person,
or a human that could feel.

Seven years we’re together,
raising your daughter as mine.
You say you never loved me,
you faked it the whole time?

You only stayed,
because you were pregnant with bub?
In seven ******* years,
you couldn’t find something to love?!

You didn’t want to be,
a single mom of two?!
So you cheated with him?!
Well **** him, and *******!

Now I know the truth,
I know how you got that raise,
it wasn’t just him,
you ****** the entire place.

All of that I could forgive,
but he treats our son like ****,
and you just let it happen,
and I’ll never forget.

He knows that I’ll **** him,
if he ever lays a hand,
but it’s coming to a head,
and I’m about to ******* stand.

He’s all I got left,
you took all the rest,
and he’s the reason I’m here,
why my heart beats in my chest.

I wanted our son,
the moment I knew he was conceived,
and when he was born healthy,
I was so ******* relieved.

So you better pray,
that he doesn’t hurt bub,
because I’m one step from insanity,
all I need is a shove.

You ruined my life,
so you better take care of our sons’,
because my daydreams are vivid,
and I’m dying to try one.

Coming Home

I stop and I stare,
and I can't help but grin.
At my beautiful angels,
i've come home to again.

I can see in your eyes,
your true love for me.
And in our daughters smile,
that she thinks I can't see.

My family, my loves,
and my two dreams come true.
The best part of my day,
is coming back home to you.

I wait and I wait,
to see my best friend.
For this perfect moment,
that I wish wouldn't end.

I take you in my arms,
and I breathe a deep sigh.
This is what I was missing,
since we said our goodbyes.

I run my hand up your chin,
and pull you in for a kiss.
then I kiss your forehead,
but you trip and I miss.

We both start to laugh,
and the moment has passed.
But we don't seem to care,
cause we're together at last.

True love at it's finest,
and a family as one.
Smiling together,
and always having fun.

My two little ladies,
the ones I adore.
The girls that I love,
and the ones I'd die for....


My eyes flutter open,
and my chest starts to heave.
You were there for a moment,
why did you leave?

I bring my hands to my face,
and sob at the scars.
I scream myself hoarse,
until I start to see stars.

I look to the left,
at the empty bottle of pills.
It wasn’t enough,
not enough to ****.

I shut my eyes tight,
and curl into a ball,
and hold onto the memory,
that was a dream after all.

I pull out a stool,
and I throw down a ten.
"A single shot whiskey,
and a single shot gin."

I drink them both down,
and cringe at the taste.
Out comes another ten,
and there's plenty to waste.

"Lets stick with the whiskey,
in a double shot glass."
It may take a while,
but the memories should pass.

I open my throat,
and invite the slow burn.
I sit down my glass,
as the room starts to turn.

I pull out a twenty,
and the bartender frowns.
Looking up and thinking twice,
before saying "slow down".

"One more double and a beer,
and i'll put it on cruise."
She pours them both slowly,
not the least bit amused.

"Your cruise doesn't work,
and we both know that's true."
I flash a fake smile,
just like I always do.

I find a small table,
in the back by itself.
I'm becoming a fixture,
like an old dusty shelf.

Memories of you,
and our little girl start to blur.
and my eyes start to water,
as my speech starts to slur.

The scars on my hands,
they drive me insane.
A constant reminder,
I couldn't save you from pain.

So i'll drink another double,
to erase my memory.
Of our little girls smile,
and our perfect family.

I don't want to forget you,
and it kills me to try.
But I still blame myself,
for the night you both died.

Twisted sheet metal,
is all that I see.
And I squeeze my eyes shut,
as these tears stream my cheeks.

What do you do,
when your mind kills your heart?
When your greatest memories,
are what's tearing it apart.

You are the loves of my life,
and my closest dear friends.
And I will love you forever,
until I see you again...

Today I woke up,
and I realized,
that I hadn’t been sleeping,
and was grief paralyzed.

All that had happened,
all the ****** up nightmares,
all the loathing and anguish,
were all laid out and bare.

It took me a second,
to finally find my breath,
and when I did, I screamed,
and simply wished for death.

Take it away,
the agony that I feel,
I cannot bear this,
there’s no way to heal.

There was no answer,
as I lay on the ground.
No yes or no,
absolutely no sound.

I finally thought,
enough is enough.
I’ll fix it myself,
all the things I ****** up.

But before I do,
I’ll fix myself,
because you can’t fix what’s broken,
with something broken itself.

Today I start with me,
and I took a footstep.
One followed another,
even though I still wept.

I never looked back,
so I didn’t see,
what I left behind,
on the ground, was me.