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Let me
Not deceive
You
With
A forever kind
Of love,

But,
I can commit to
Love you
For a lifetime.

I can commit
To love you
Till my last breath.
And I remember thinking—
I wish someone would look at me that way.
As if they had battled it for a lifetime,
Through seasons and snow and sun -
Across cities and oceans and mountains
In innocent youth and wearied age,
As if they had finally surrendered and had no choice but to look.

In the way it takes all a person’s will and strength to look away
And they have been worn down, beaten, bruised
To the point of weakness, of giving up.
And now, all they are left with is their truest self, exposed down to the bone
& no strength to battle the inevitable
Draw of their eyes to mine.

I want someone to look at me as if I am their lifeline,
And their death-bringer.
On the day we met.
The first time I saw you smile,
my last day of grief.
Nothing is for free
Except for the will you show,
In your loving me.
i want to be numb
to all the misery
i want to be numb
to your hypocrisy
i want to be numb
to all the pain
i want to be numb
to the falling rain
i want to be numb
to all your lies
i want to be numb
to the blue skies
i want to be numb
to the whole world
i want to be numb
to the beautiful girl
i want to be numb
to your evil ways
i want to be numb
every moment of today
i want to be numb
to my heart you threw
i want to be numb
especially to you
he
he came seeking nothing
yet found what he wasn't looking for
there was nothing he sought
but he found it anyway

when he found it
he couldn't let it be
it meant nothing to him
but he had to have it anyway

it was not his to take
it belonged to another
but he took it anyway
just because he could

once he had it
he didn't want it
he was ready to leave
but not before his last act
which was to destroy it
so that no one could have it
In my fevered mind.
I heard the cries of madmen,
felt their pain in kind.
Play it slow-
not for romance,
but because the strings are blistered,
and every note splits the sky
with fire.

Stroll through the panic,
it’s routine:
duct tape on the windows,
radio on low,
a list of missing birds
tacked to the wall
like fallen saints.

You said you'd carry me,
but the world’s gone grey,
and the olive tree’s
just smoke now.

There’s no audience left.
Just wind
and its thousand-watt warning.

Still, your spine curves to the rhythm
like a fever dream from Babylon,
hips like warning sirens,
ankles sunk in ash.

I want to understand
what we ruined,
but only at a pace I can stand,
only with eyes closed.

There was a time
we dressed like lovers.
Now it’s mylar blankets
and filtered masks.

We knew the promise;
we broke it anyway,
above it,
beneath it,
inside it.

Someone keeps whispering
about children,
as if hope still blooms
in poisoned soil.

Play it slow,
with bare hands if you must.
But don’t pretend this isn’t a requiem.
Don’t dress it up in velvet or vows.
Just let the music float
and burn,
like everything else.
SoCal climate: golden skies, ash in your lungs, beauty on fire.
autumn now cut
and curled away
slips asleep

the fields are afloat
in great white sheets

the trees filled
with drifts and blooms  
in the falling light

a fox
that ancient coil of flame
appears beside the dark river
contemplating codes
hidden in the snow
and the cold

what is it in life
that calls your favor?

why
after every storm

do we immediately
seek stars?
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