you stole my light
when i told you to stop
and you ignored my red light
and kept going
like my body was undiscovered land
and you were a colonizer.
perhaps my asking you to stop
turned you on
made you hungry.
you looked at me with your hungry eyes
like i was fresh meat
for you to take and have for yourself
ignoring my stop signs
cries
screams
because i am nothing more
than an object to you
made for your manipulation and pleasures.

It’s taken me a long time to realize that my pain has nothing to do with you
You do not deserve my tears, my anger, my sleepless nights
You are not worthy of seeing me cry
My eyes no longer weep for you

My depression doesn’t play fair
It doesn’t pick and choose how I hurt or who hurts me
But rather reminds me that I’m always hurting
Lurking in every dark corner
Waiting for me to be vulnerable to someone new
And that... has nothing to do with you

I used to wonder why I fell for every smile and kind word
As though I’d never received love or affection
But it turns out I’m just an addict
Stripped bare, exposed, defenseless
Absorbing the energy of those around me
You give an inch, I take a mile
Composed of fake smiles and grudges
Longing for someone to see the authenticity
That I crave to give freely
Trapped in the idea that I am not worthy of giving myself
Wholly

And when I gave myself to you unabashedly
It was as though gravity was lifted
And for once in my life, there was clarity
I could see
How carelessly I demoralize myself
Letting the darkness consume my light
I used to shine so brightly

It’s no wonder I stuck to you like glue
You like rays of sunshine forcing themselves through my blinds
Unveiling parts of me hidden in the dark
If I was smart
I would have hung up curtains

You dripping like the sweetest honey I’ve ever tasted
Drinking in your naked body
Infatuated with the way your smooth skin feels against mine
I know better than falling for a boy with a mischievous smile

I saw something in you that made me crave more
I saw myself in you
Now realizing that’s what I’ve been searching for

This pain has nothing to do with you
And everything to do with me
When you left, it was like letting go of a pieces of me
That I had just discovered
Ripped from my clenches far too soon
To harvest it into something beautiful

I will stop letting you take the credit for my heartache
And claim the responsibility as my own
For I know better than to steal someone else’s light
Just to cast my own shadow

Those nights
When  you just lie there
And stare into space
And that feeling of your heart being ripped and tossed
Is on loop
With the same song playing over
And over
And over
Again
your eyes shut and the numbness ceases with your dreams
But you wake up
With your sheets stained of tear dried mascara
And that raw feeling
And your lips pale
Because the pain doesn’t stop when he’s gone

I don't speak,
I listen,
when the truth gets too hard to admit.
I don't cry,
I swallow,
every hurtful thing people have said.

I run away,
I fake,
I bury,
I break,
apart at every seam

I act,
and I pretend,
I always forget,
how much it really means.

Every time you hear me speak I'm screaming,
whether you can even hear me or not.
Every time you look at me I'm crying,
whether you can see the tears or not.
Don't believe the face you see
all ******* in a bow,
'cause night time is when it all unravels.

Every day I wake up
hearing voices yell in my head.
It never dies until I fall
into my sweet warm bed.

I scream
and I proceed.
I block out everything.
I live it all alone.

I kick,
and then I bleed.
I wait until I'm free
of all these walls inside of me.

Every day you hear me speak I'm screaming,
whether you can even hear me or not.
Every time you look at me I'm crying,
whether you can see the tears or not.
Don't believe the face you see
all ******* in a bow,
'cause night time is when it all unravels.