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Antonia Sep 9
the freedom of
not being chosen
frees up your Fridays,
your DMs, your
thoughts.
all of a sudden you
have all this time
to spend with yourself,
the cat, your friends,
even with strangers.
your evenings, once
filled by longing and
the dreadful ritual
of distracting yourself
with anything at hand
to avoid the unbearable
waiting. for a text. for a
sign.

breadcrumbs beggar
amateur
female
.hopeless romantic
25.
single.
self-respect – work in progress.

I tell myself I don’t
need the validation
from a guy who learned
emotional literacy
from Pokémon Go,
a guy who spends the little
time he has for
himself arguing with
strangers on FB or
    posting on insta like its his job..

he makes me laugh.
he ***** me good.
but he also leaves
me baffled, confused,
he has me analyzing
and “decoding” every word,
touch, action.
he acts as an incomplete
puzzle.
all nonchalant
and breezy.
but little
does he know, I lose
interest in puzzles
rather quickly.
Antonia Jul 13
to be lasted over, but never met.
to be desired fiercely, but never held.
a fantasy. a fetish.
they see you as a threat.

they dream the dream of your idea,
all you represent.
they reach to touch you freely,
but flinch when you touch back.

because they feel it:
your wholeness is too heavy
to carry on their back.
your layers too tangled
to play with just one thread.
your words anchor too deeply
to catch in fishing nets.

you scare.
you amaze.
you trigger.
so they retreat instead.

they give up before even trying
to walk a mile with you.
because they see
the space you take
just being you.
  May 11 Antonia
Silas McKenney
You were drawn to my shine,
To the light in my steps, my aura, my time.
You walked beside me all the while,
Curious-why do I smile?

I spoke of joy, of a heart that glows,
Of peace within, the love I know.
But you had none, you’d lost your spark,
And sought to ***** out all my dark.

You didn’t want to see me grow
You only came to steal my glow.
Sappy lover
Antonia May 8
are you ready?
who cares
you’ll never be

just come,
remember
how great it feels to be
you
in your skin
in your energy
feel it all

stop running girl!
there is no final destination.
you are already home.

go clean up that mind
throw away those limiting beliefs
try on your values
do they still fit?
the person you’re becoming?
the ever shifting shape

they don’t?
that’s great!
throw them away!
reevaluate your inner wardrobe ladies and gentlemen,
we don’t have to keep anything that doesn’t fit anymore!
Antonia Apr 24
what is this game
you wish to play?
what is this thing
you take away?
you want my light?
to feed your darkness
you want my love?
to feed me lies

you take everything.
and give nothing in return.

you’re nothing but a thief

thief.
Have you ever been so blinded by love that you ended up stealing from yourself?
Antonia Apr 2
the most selfless act of all?


letting go.


fear holds tight, it clings
love lets go
to love is not to need, to love is not to own, to possess, to demand, to expect
to love is letting go of all of that, of all of you and your expectations

when will we learn to love without demanding love in return?
Antonia Mar 26
I like to see the cup half full,
Even when it’s full of ****
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