Sitting in a room all alone
Curtains down, darkness abound.
Head down,only one sound.
Of weeping, of gasping
All else,silence.

Weeping, weeping
Seeking,seeking
For a shadow
Not of your own
Sitting in a room all alone.

Longing a touch
Familiar yet foreign
In your dreams you feel it
When you wake you miss it.
Sitting in a room all alone

When you sit all alone
On a park bench and you're shown
A happy couple floating by
Tangled in innocent violence like kites in the sky.
You hear it, the voice.

This voice you adore
This voice you abhor
This voice which haunts you
This voice which taunts you

This voice you seek
In the darkness you weep
No voice, no sleep
Sitting in a room all alone.

Then a rustle
A mild shuffle
A sound oh so muffled
A sound not of weeping
But  of feet skipping.

Then a voice
That voice you adore
That voice you abhor
That voice which taunts you
That voice which haunts you

You hear it
You fear it
What if it's a dream
Sitting in a room all alone
You scream

The voice says, " I'm here don't worry"
Says, " For being away so long I'm sorry"
Then that touch
That chills and burns
Your heart writhes and turns
That touch oh so familiar yet foreign.


"It is you" You say
"My love, my dove"
"Yes it is I " the voice says


Weeping, weeping
But nay not of grief
Weeping, weeping
Of joy and relief.


Sitting in a room
Curtains down
Darkness abound
Two shadows intertwine
"I am yours and you are mine"

I have lived
Never been loved
Been slapped and shoved

I bear the marks
The scratches , the bruises

I remember, the broken bones
The many moans
Sticks and stones
Ceaseless

I remember the whip
The skin it would rip
The smell of ***
I went numb

Face stained with tears
Fears have quelled over the years

Now only this remains
Only one thing to do

Knife in hand
Shaking hand
Tired hand

Knife is heavy
It will be easier
A small cut is all I need
Then I'll be freed
Forever
At last

Deep breath
One of my last
A smile
Knife straight
Cut,cut, long ,cut
Pains, Hurts
It bursts
The vein

Blood, blood peeks
From the straight cut it leaks
Red,I see it
I taste it

Makes me sleepy
Like a soft kiss on the lips
A pure taste
Taste of life
Taste of death

When did I become so numb
You could shoot me with a loaded gun
I wouldn’t even flinch
Stab me with the sharpest knife you could find
And I wouldn’t even yell as I bleed
You could punch me in my gut
I wouldn’t fall to my knees
Gasping desperately trying to breathe
You could do whatever you want to me
And I wouldn’t feel a thing
Because inside I’ve become paralyzed

I dealt death today.

I know it’s a part of the job.
I know I’ve seen it too many times to count.
But today,
I felt it.

I left the room long after their family did.
There was no where I could go
To escape their

Roaring grief.

They were long gone.
And I was left with their precious baby.
I curled his arms and legs up
Closed his eyes
Wrapped him up gently.
With love and respect
Here he’ll sleep forever.

And oh,
They are so thankful,
That it was me
That I understood
That I was so careful
That I spent the time with them.

And you’re not supposed to take it with you.
You’re supposed to leave it
When they walk out the door
With one less goodbye.

But I took it with me today.

The way they felt before
The way they felt after
The long quiet goodbyes
The man in a suit on his knees weeping
The mother and son making a cocoon
Sheltering their dying baby.
The solemn face of the woman who plays god.
The green death.
The last breath.
The heaving of the living as he gave his last.
The waiting.
Slower rhythm.
Quieter.
‘He’s gone now’.

I watched the clock
The same way I had
An hour before
Waiting for death.

Soon as I could
I fled out the door
Ran into the street
Tried to outrun it

Instead I ran to you
I dialled your number
With shaking hands

I know I’m not supposed to
But all I wanted was you
Your voice

Ringing out
Thankfully
I wept alone.

Today I dealt death
And I found I am not strong enough
To sustain this
Alone
Or for long.

I found I still consider you my haven
Deep down
But that you are not my haven anymore
Or should be.

I listened to the silence
After the call rang out
And decided

Could you imagine a pain so deep down inside
That it can not be summarized in words you simply can write
A pain that touches your toes and up to the top of the ceiling
You can't eat, you can't sleep, that is the pain that I am feeling
But these different circumstances has got me feeling alone
All the doctors say you’re dead and gone
But it still feels like I could talk to you if I picked up the phone
You can't fix a broken window you just replace the pane.
But there is no pain great enough to replace your face
With my eyes matted shut from the tears that I slept on
I thank God for the pictures and your voice mails on my cell phone.
But please, while you are awed in the mist of the Lord
Don't forget all your friends and time spent on this world.
I will never have a friend like you ever again.
My heart is a vault now, I'm scared to let people in.
No matter how many oceans or rivers I cry
My heart will never let you go, I'll never say good bye.
A lot of my hours are now spent in the place where you lay
As I sit crying, wondering, who would you be today

Lay here with me
And hold me please
She pleads
And begs
Just five more minutes
She always says
Ripping my white tee
As she pulls me back on the bed
I hate when she gets petty and upset
She always bring up memories I try to forget
Haven’t I always been by your side
She likes to quote
From the times you would get so angry
And tie a belt around your throat
I even kept your demons a secret
Ever since you were a small child
Remember those bruises
He left you
Because you wet the bed
Now resentment and hatred is all the fills your head
You often say
It wouldn’t bother you if your dead beat dad were dead
And you can’t say you aren’t happy
That your mom and alcoholic ex have parted ways
Or you might still be waking up to fighting and screaming
Between the two
That’s why you were always out so late
You weren’t really much use
I guess that’s why liquor never touches your hands
From your first heart break
Which you never really seemed to recover
It’s been years
And you still haven’t fully healed
But it’s ok
You know I’m always here
I’ll never leave your side
Not even after you die
Because I love you
And I know you love me