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i get ****** up
so i can forget the hurt
i'm sitting here dizzy
i don't know where to go

i pick up my phone
and stare at your name
but i know you won't answer my call

i'm dead asleep when you wake me up
i always answer
and you don't even say hello
you just do some ****** up ****
and hang up the phone

but tonight i won't answer
your late night calls
i won't let my heart race
to the shrills of your ringtone

my heart is racing with the pumping of my veins
the pounding in my finger tips
the hot ring of fire around my eyes
the thrill of knowing i'm ****** up
and not off of you

i won't answer you anymore
i know you don't care
what i do to myself anymore
if i'm ****** up, i'm just ****** up

just stop calling me when your girlfriends asleep
waking me from my vicious dreams
because you decided to remember me
now im wide awake at night
Soon the petals started to shrivel
the yellow centers became brittle
And I knew it was time to go.

Someday I'll be able to stay
It's over
it always feels like a scream-
too silent, but trying
to break free.
inside of my heart.
inside of me.

and then it makes it's way into
the world, in forms
intangible but deadly.
flowing water,
sharp air.
sharp silence.

an absence.

i don't care.
do my friends think of me
at all?
besides when they're
looking for a good time,
a free spliff,
a hot touch, a tear.

i just wish
they would.
Did the paint
Imagine being the picture
Before
The artist
Even if you never learn to love me
just know
that you were worth all of it.
Do you remember the freedom we felt as children,
the one that made our hair fly in the wind as we
cast our dancing shadows on the sidewalks in front of our best friend's house.
or how we used to roll down the biggest hills we could find
until our clothes were green and our skin was itchy.
And now I'm an adult who worries about how she looks in a mirror,
and questions if she could ever be enough.
Now I'm an adult who cries when she sees the pain in her family's eyes as they are reminded of the pain she caused.
Now I'm an adult with way too much love lost emotions that I've drowned in my own blood, sweat, and tears.
Now I'm an adult,
sitting on her bedroom floor,
wondering why she lets the years pass so quickly when she was a child.
Now I'm an adult.
And all I want is to roll down a hill again.
I fall in love with old souls
when I'm just a dead soul
they accept my sorrows
and I brought them loathe
forgive me dearest
for I turned into hurt
while looking at loving
as the holy of all that bursts
the Plum was bitter
but I bit into it
made it less thicker
so the next believer
will have it easier
love her harder,

faith is restored.
How are you, it's been a while.
do we live for the sake of ourselves
or do we live for the sake of eachother?
hi, haven’t been super active but im going to remedy that!
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