It started on the drive home.
The new car wash in town
was having a grand opening.
Laughing people eating sloppy Joe
while matching faces in red t-shirts beamed,
their hands full of sopping sponges.
I turned and the words spilled out
after one soft spoken drip.
I wish my family owned a car wash together.
Or a stand at the farmers market together.
I imagined barefooted children
helping old women carry watermelons.
I wish we were the type of family to
own a diner together,
and I'd serve on roller skates.
The flood from eyes and mouth began.
Or own a roller rink, with theme nights on Tuesdays.
Or a gas station, or a drive in movie theater.
I couldn't stop.
I wish we owned a family farm
and took silly photos in muddy overalls
after five AM breakfasts together.
Or ran a summer camp, or an antique shop.
I wish we were the kind of family
that walked 5k's for a cure.
Each confession slammed shut with together.
Each dissolved into the air
like a child's dream to walk on stars.

The dogs dug tunnels
under the porch.
Sometimes we dug with them.
Constructing architecture wonders
in the k-9 and 8 year old world.
In these catacombs they birthed
dusty puppies and in the
dark dirt they rotted back to earth.
Eldest brother dug in the backyard.
Said close your eyes,
hold your breath until you get there.
Past Earth's core to China,
we crossed our arms and jumped.
The dogs kept scratching tunnels,
long after we ran off.
Looking back,
maybe they were trying
to dig their way out
like we were.

I burn ***** and write poetry
Some call those addictions

You know how it is,
to be raised by strong and caring hands
yet they are calloused, from having received rough blows
and delivering them in return,
so whenever you look upon them, they are there for you
but not for all beings,
they are droplets of water, coursing down a melting icicle,
only choosing to drop
into oceans that are known to them
and they only let themselves meddle, with swarms of their type,
and I asked,
what if I could love someone different,
someone they didn't have to understand or know
but who is also a strong, yet gentle being on the inside,
what if I could let myself spill
into all kinds of oceans and rivers, and flowing waterfall valleys of pain
and swim openly with all the life forms,
what if I could let myself bud open
like a massive, blooming, soft petaled flower
welcoming all kinds of creatures
into my companionship,
for having strong and calloused, yet gentle hands,
should mean a strong, yet gentle and open heart
capable of forever giving unconventional love,
to all in the world.

weren’t we so in love
    we didn’t have a clue
  how you loved me
and I loved you
    like a fairy tale
   or a sonnet
  nothing dressed up
just love
   but with nothing on it
  so simple we must have
missed it
somewhere along the way
   or did you know?
      too scared to admit
this
    diamond or crystal
  we found
in our eyes that we
   kept shut
     oh, it must have been
anything but
  so tell me,
        did you know?