Here I am again on my knees,
Like the little girl I once was
Begging, "Please..."

I lift my heart and my hands,
Place my doubts before you,
My demands.

"God please hear my cries,
The anguish of my heart,
My sighs."

The adult in me is scoffing, mild,
While the small part of me believes
Like a child.

In one ear
And out the other.
Part of me
Always wondering
Why even bother?

Butterflies fluttering,
Cheeks reddening,
Heartbeat slowing
And heartbeat increasing.

Happiness spreading,
Feelings conflicting,
Part of me wanting staying,
Every part of me ready to be leaving.

I can feel you like an itch
Sitting beneath the skin.
I scratch and I scratch
Never quite satisfying.

Your smile, your lips parting,
That glint in your eyes
The way you look without looking,
Has me scratching again.

Here I am again.
Up all night again.
Fueling doubts again.
Daydreaming again.

Googling answers again.
Stalking social media again.
Wishing again.
Thinking again.

Here I am again.
Thinking about him again.
About you again.
Not knowing what to do again.

Maybe I should go to sleep
Instead of laying here, counting sheep
Again.

I'm drowning
And you're the weight.
You bring me down
Flood my lungs.

Say something.
Word or phrase.
I can't take this.
I can't be alone in this.

Do something.
Act and fight.
Lash out if you want.
Just please don't give up.

Feel something.
Be angry, cry.
Is there any heart inside?
Because you're breaking mine.