i wonder
what you ever did
with all of the friendship bracelets
we had
i still wear them
it hurts too much to take them off

i wonder
if you still remember our secret handshake
that we made up
in the 2nd grade
and kept using
for years
i still practice it
with my tear-stained reflection
in the broken mirror

i wonder
if you still think about me
as often as i think about you
i keep going back
to our old, happy memories
the ones that you (probably) forgot
i sure hope not
because those are the memories
i can't get myself to throw away

i wonder
what you did
with all the pictures of me on your phone
did you delete them
or do you just keep them there
leaving them alone,
just like you did with the real me
i can't believe
that i managed
to cut your face out of a photo
a hole of emptiness-
resembling the one in my soul

i really miss you
but friends grow apart, i guess

I'm not going
To hide my story
Anymore
My name
Is none of your business
My age
Is also none of your business
But here goes

I have been bullied
Since kindergarten
But last year
It was awful
It started normal
Just light things
About my clothes
Hair
Or **** like that
But then
It got worse

First
I told my friend
That I got diagnosed with ADHD
and I have no idea how
But it spread around
And they used that against me
The called me a r*****
They made fun of me

Second
I got diagnosed
With depression and anxiety
And same thing happened
It spread around
They mocked me
I would get panic attacks
I couldn't breathe
And they would mimic me
Surrounding me

Third
They made fun of my weight
They called me skinny
Picked me up
Without consent
And called me tiny
So i started eating more
I overate in order to gain weight
Hoping they would leave me alone
But they didnt
They noticed
And called me fat
And that's where things started going down quicker

I starved myself
I would go days without eating
I sometimes still do
I made myself throw up
I sometimes still do
And guess what
They noticed.
They made fun of me

Fourth
My addictions got worse
I started cutting myself
Every day
And guess what!!
They ******* noticed!
They made fun of me
Probably not even knowing
What they were
Then
I became more suicidal
Than before
I attempted
Multiple times

Fifth
My parents found out
I got sent to the hospital
Got sent to a therapist
And I realized
If I hadnt lied to the doctors
I would have been sent to a mental hospital

Sixth
My parents obsessed over my eating disorder
They forced me to eat
When i couldnt
Because now
I am too afraid to eat
Because I'm scared
That the bullies will come back again
Whenever im near food
I hear their voices
Taunting me
Laughing at me

And throughout this whole experience
(In nothing but a year and a half, i might add)
I had a toxic friends
Who hurt me
Never had anything kind to say
And now
I dont know why
But we are still "friends".

So
Thats my story
I know most people here probably dont care, but there you go
The cat is out of the bag

patty cake
patty cake
baker's man
in the broken mirror
i slap my own hands
blood trickles down
from my skin
please
let me in
patty cake
patty cake
baker's man
please
be my friend
while you still can

Think about it
You could easily ****** someone and get away with it
Think about it
You could watch every movie there is
Think about it
You could marry your one and only love
Think about it
You could learn ever gen alpha term, including skibidi ohio rizz

Think about it
You could slash your exes tires
Think about it
You could spend all your life on a couch
Think about it
You could break every law
Think about it
You could walk never in a slouch

Think about it
You could fall in love
Think about it
You could run away
Think about it
You could fight off a bear
Think about it
You could only do these things if you keep living.
Every day.
Please dont **** yourself.

independent
all alone
in this country
we call home

alone
but not lonely
peaceful
... if only

through true struggles and true strife
the awful people take our lives
from rocky peaks to desert sands
a trustworthy hope; a nation's plan

we will make it

Skipping school
Avoid the reminders
Say i feel sick
Say i feel tired
Friends worried
Keep missing
Skipping
Avoiding
Ignoring school.
Avoid these people
At all costs
A list of a sidewalk
To skip down on
When I want to feel pain
Because thats all you brought to me
Skipping school...
Avoid the reminders...
Say i feel sick...
Say i feel tired...

Me
Without you

Is like the moon
Without the night

The fish
Without the ocean

The sun
Without the sky

Tom
Without jerry

Peanut butter
Without jelly

Don't leave, please

don't cry
when i die.
crying over me
is just as useful
as crying over spilled milk.

They say
Girls in glass houses
Shouldn't throw stones.
So how about they leave their house
And throw a boulder?
That's what I did

Don't let people mock you through glass...

sure,
but why did you care about me?
no one ever did before.
is this what it feels like
to feel okay?
because i don't recognize this feeling.
not at all.

i have to be smaller
i am too big
these people
their words keep repeating in my head
hahaha, she's so light!
ugh, why are you eating so much?
do you know how lucky you are to be light?
i
have
to
be
smaller

Folding paper cranes for you
Because I heard
That whoever folds the 1000th
Gets a wish
And I want you
To get whatever you need
Because you deserve it

Folding paper cranes
Because I need something to do with my hands
While my head runs away
Thinking thoughts that i'll never understand

you can:
ill yourself
krill yourself
spill yourself
mill yourself
gill yourself
will yourself
jill yourself
fill yourself
hill yourself
till yourself
dill yourself
zill yourself
bill yourself
Lauryn Hill yourself
distill yourself
quill yourself
twill yourself
carboxyl yourself
shill yourself
shrill yourself


you cannot:
**** yourself

please don't

I love the way you write
I love the way you comment on so many poems
I love the way you post so often
I love the way you bring happiness and poetry
I love the way you show others you care
I love everything I know about you
(Platonically of course)

Waiting for the worst
Because in 8 days
They will come
The family
The elders
I think people need to stop saying
"Respect your elders."
Because why should i respect them
If they don't respect me

Respect is earned
Not demanded
So maybe
You should stop calling me she
Or transphobic comments
And start treating me like the grandson i am

Grandpa addicted to cannabis
Grandma addicted to alchohol
Their garage reaks if sadness
I think the reason they do this to themselves
Is because they might hate me for who i am
But I think they hate themselves more

you remind me of so many things
fresh rain on gravel
flowers in the summer and spring
the stars at dawn
happiness
joy
love
because
they were all
gone too soon.
i miss you
i miss you so much

loud noises
crowded rooms
eating
talking
living
hoping
dreaming
wishing
can't do anything about it
can't do anything without being reminded

i have three categories of people
alive
dead
and dead to me

you, sir,
can get the **** out of my life

"sei molto strano."
beh, grazie
Lo prendo come un complimento
io sono strano.

english:

"you are very strange."
well, thank you.
i take that as a compliment.
i am strange.

Dont call me trans masc
When ive always been a boy

I think I might not
Trust myself at all right now
Because why should i...

hey everyone!! i would like to make it stated that i am not supposed to be writing this, yet here i am. i am currently in residential treatment. i am not going to go into details because there are some things i would rather to keep private. i have my school computer so i am able to write this, but i am technically breaking the rules because they haven't approved this website yet. that is why i havent been posting. i am still writing poetry though, so when i get out (which might be in a month, 2 or 3) i will post them all  :) thank you all for your support so far and i will be back :D

Memories
Are a hard thing to explain
So here is my attempt.
Imagine a desert.
Every person in the world has at least some memories.
Each memory is represented
By a grain of sand.
To some people, all they see is a little tiny grain
But to the owner
It might be a boulder
Or even a mountain
That they can’t get out of their sight.
No matter how hard they try
They can’t forget.
Stop telling people
To stop making mountains out of molehills
Because you would be traumatized too
If that same thing happened to you.
So friends,
That’s trauma.

count the seconds
because every moment counts
you might lose a friend
make one instead
or maybe even fall in love

if you spend too much time inside your head
you will never get
to experience
the beauty of this world.
this world is right here
may as well use it

A for ***
because that's what you were to me
B for *****
because that's what you are
C for crap
because that's your opinions
D for ****
because that's what you act like
E for eternity
because that's how long your words will repeat in my head
F for *******
because those are the words i held back for so long
G for game
because that's all i was to you
H for hell
because that's what you put me through
I for incinerate
because that's what you did to my self-worth
J for joke
because that's all our friendship ever was
K for ****
because that's what you made me want to do to myself
L for loser
because that's how you always saw me
M for mortician
because that's what you'll need by the time I'm done with you
N for no
because that's what i said but you kept insisting we should be friends
O for onion
because you act like one, always making me cry
P for promises
because you never really could keep them, could you?
Q for question
because i have a ****-load of those for you
R for real
because i wonder if you even know that i am
S for sacrifices
because i made so many for you
T for torch
because i was in the dark but you hid yours
U for ugly
because that's what you kept on calling me
V for vaccine
because you make me sick
W for war
because that's what's going on in my brain thanks to you
X for x-ray
because i want to dig deep into your mind to find out why you did this to me
Y for you
because that's what i blame everything for
Z for zip
because zip your mouth, you cannot be talking about pain

a whole alphabet about you. i feel like we need more letters
because there definitely is more to be said

I am not
Emo
I am
Depressed
There is
And always will be
A difference

anxiety affects
my fragile heart
you can't make it stop
when someone already made it start

anxiety affects
my useless head
asking me "what's going on?"
and "why am i not dead?"

anxiety affects
my confused soul
makes it ask more questions
makes me want to hode in a hole

i think you might like me
but i'm scared of what you'll do
if i say something wrong
or if you don't like me too

what if you hate me
after i say it?
i don't want to ruin what we have.
so take my feeling, measure it, weigh it

maybe you're just like this
or maybe its something more
but if i do something wrong
what if things can't go back to the way they were before...?

i feel alone
in your hugs
your arms cold
your soul
your skin
your heart
cold
your touch
is like a snowflake
delicate
but cold
so
so
cold.

tubes in my veins
taking my blood
surrounded by doctors
asking me questions

no privacy
every door is open
nothing to support
my addictions

eyes everywhere
watching my every move
telling me
what i can & can't do

being forced to eat
when i can't.
"if you gain any more weight, they will just start bullying you again,",
the voices in my head say.

i want to get out
i'm scratching at the walls
slamming doors
screaming

this isn't helping
it's making me feel worse
i can't ******* eat
why can't they ******* understand?!

i just want to go home
i want to see my friends
i want to be in the school play again
i just want to go home

let me go home
this isn't helping
they make me feel ******* insane
...
what if i am?

you said you would be there for me...
                                         but you never were
you said you would be my best friend forever...
                                         but you never were
you said you trusted me...
                                         but you never did
you said you would love me forever...
                                         but you never did
you said you would never hurt me
                                         but you did
you said you would never insult me
                                         but you did
and trust me
i would know
because the words you used
keep repeating in me head.

i miss you
but i hate you.
come on, i never said that.
but you did.
r_tard...
you arent one to be talking.
useless piece of sh-t
oh...
just shut up, nobody likes you.
...
i know.
i'll leave now.

Hello friends! Me and my friend Eternity have made a discord server for the Hello Poetry community. We would love for you to join us!!! My name is Your Sleep Paralysis Demon, (such a cool name right?) And here is the link:
https://discord.gg/4Vdfty5d
When (if) you join, please introduce yourself with your Hello Poetry name and preferred pronouns!!! Thank you!
(For context, ice spice is Eternity)

The water warm
The sea creatures choking
On the weight of our mistakes

The air hot and humid
The birds falling,
Unable to go on.

The land littered with plastic
The animals tumbling
On the debri we've left behind

What has earth become?
A place of scars.
Not a place
That hasn't been hurt by us.
What have we done?

bicchiere
è una cosa strana
se fa troppo caldo
si scioglierà
ma se lo lasci cadere
si romperà in un milione di pezzi
proprio come il mio cuore
quando hai detto
"non dovremmo più essere amici,
sei semplicemente un peccato.".
il mio cuore è caduto
e distrutto
è diventato acuto
arrabbiato
triste
amaro
confuso
depresso
nervoso
psicotico
­vetro
è una cosa molto strana
ma lo capisco
forse un po' troppo

My stomach rumbles
Yet I simply can't eat
People stare
Stop watching
Eyes are everywhere
I cut my wrists
I swallow pills
I slice my throat
I wrap rope around my neck
I've escaped death
So many times
But unlike other people
That makes me ashamed
Whenever im on a Rollercoaster
I want to jump off.
Whenever I see a rope
I want to hang off of it
Whenever I take my meds
I want to take them all
But for some ******* reason
It never works
Why am I even here?
I have no reason to live
I have nothing to live for
I am useless
What do I even bring to this world?
I'm sorry to the little people that will miss me.
Even they will probably get over it.
But I survived
I survived
I survived
I'm alive
I'm alive
I'm alive
I don't want to be.

why do i keep looking for love
in places with none at all

whats going on
chaos moving in my brain
chaos and panic
world passing by
while i'm stuck
here
in this hellhole
that's bringing pain
and hoping for death
and destruction
i have no idea
whats going on
heart rate going up
breathing fast
brain going crazy
too much happening
for my little, anxious, stupid, empty brain

Build me like IKEA furniture
With wood and screws and pain
Let me talk to you deeply
Let me take up part of your brain

Let me love you truly
With no lies, wrongs or cheats
Let me care for you lovingly,
Let me wrap you In clean sheets.

Let me ****** those who wronged you,
Let them bleed Out on the floor,
Let you smile honestly
When I come knocking at your door

Let nobody near you but me
Let the pain stay far away
Let me be your medicine
You must take me every day.

Don't leave me.
Please love me.
Who is she?
Does she replace me?

I'm not obsessed.
I'm not obsessed.
I love you.
DONT LEAVE.

i'm a mess
i'm heartless
i'm a mess
i'm useless
i'm a mess
i am done with everyone
i'm a mess
y'all don't have to clean me up,
i promise
i'll be fine
i always am
haha
i'm a mess

we are all wearing black
this is the day before i die
hold in your tears now,
please don't cry

i ask for one last dance
and you say 'yes'
so we hold hands and twirl around,
you look so pretty in your black dress

we dance for hours
until i run out of time
when i fall to the floor
look up, the stars are out; after all, it is nighttime

the stars mean nothing
when you aren't here.