My problems

1. I have ADHD
2. I have anxiety
3. I have depression
4. I have an eating disorder
5. I keep feeling like nothing is real
6. I pass out easily
7. I have trauma
8. I can't completely remember that trauma
9. I still get flashbacks somehow
10. I **** at drawing
11. I **** at writing poetry
12. People are getting bored of me
13. I get bullied every day
14. I'm trans
15. I'm queer
16. There is all this **** wrong with me
But for some reason
You want to be friends
But I know
In little time
Youll get bored of me
Just like everyone else

Today
I visited a cemetery
For a geocache
But I found
Something else
I visited the Italian section
Hoping to find some of my culture
But I found
A small grave
Sticking out of the ground
Labeled
”Alice”
It had her parents names
And nothing but her date of birth
And death
She was seven months old.
Her poor parents
She never got to speak
To walk
To wonder
To make friends
To go to school
To get a job
I wonder
If her parents still think about her
If they're even still alive

Poor baby Alice…

Its all a dream
The sky too blue
To be real

Its all a dream
I turn and turn-
But the mirror stays unchanged

Its all a dream
Faces i know are familiar
But they blur, leaving a smooth canvas

Its all a dream
I can't remember who i am
I keep forgetting

Its all a dream
Words melt together
Like a collage of confusion

Its all a dream
I'm here
But not at all

Its all a dream
Everything is so distant
Yet its all I see

Its all a dream, isnt it?

Its just a dream
Ive always been dreaming
I have to wake up

Its all an illusion
It always has been
I have to wake up

They arent real
They never have been
I need to wake up

This is all in my head
I dont remember anything
I dont think i ever have
I need to wake up

My hands are shaking
They always are
I need to wake up
I need to wake up
Its all fake
... i need to wake up

My vision is fuzzy
I'm losing my balance
This isn't real

Peoples words are blended together
I can't read anymore
This isn't real

I tell my hand to do something
And it fails
I drop my cup
This isn't real

Feeling dizzy
I always have
This isn't real

This can't be real
This is just a dream
My whole life
Is a dream
This
Isn't
Real

IwishIcouldhugthemallofthepeoplewhoeverhadtofeelthisawfulawfulfee­lingoflonelinessandunwillingnesstomoveortalkoropentheireyes Iwanttotellthemthatit'sokaythey'reokaythey'renotalonetheyaren'tth­eonlypersonhavingapanicattackinthebathroomtheyweren'tthe onlyoneswhofeelthisbadandIwanttoheartheir storiesandIwantthemtohearmineIwishwecouldallgotoafarawaylandawayf­arfromtheruinersoflivesandthethingsthatmakeyouwanttocommitsuicide­Iwanttotellthemthey'renottheonlyoneswhofeelthekeyboardintheirmind­isglitchingmakingnopunctuationorspaceforabreakfromthought

I'm in the dark
With no light
You actions left a mark
And now im stuck in the endless night

You mocked me
With your torch
I touched the flame
So now my skin is scorched

Youve left me with scars
Beneath the surface
Physical and mental
Geez. Thanks so much for your service.