summer is hereeee
and i’m 19,
in a world that expects me to have it all figured out before 21
career lined up,
relationship stable,
collecting degrees and dreams like trophies.

the wind blows my hair behind me
and in my head, voices whisper:
“rest. dream. restart.”
i want to be different.
to do it differently.
to try again.

and sometimes,
i love it here
the sun, the wind,
the green turning slowly brown,
sunsets that make me pause,
ice cream dates and unexpected hugs,
the way a random touch can soften the day,
crushes that come with 1 a.m. questions,
being young.

but then
there’s the chase for perfection:
perfect grades, perfect skin,
perfect body, perfect boyfriend, perfect friend.
and suddenly i stop and wonder:
who am i doing this for?
me?
or people who don’t even care
who judge me for five minutes
then move on to the next?

i love people.
but people stress the hell out of me.

so here i am,
trying to adapt,
holding on to the uncertain,
even when nothing guarantees it’ll go right.
still, i wanna try.
i wanna believe it’ll be okay.
that one day, i’ll make it
and look back like
“yeah, that mess? it made sense.”

but until then
let’s laugh when we can,
hug people a little longer,
tell them we care.
let’s enjoy the last month of summer.
exercise. dress up.
pray. read.
live.

'cause life won’t ever be fully figured out.
and maybe that’s the point.

They liked the way you made them feel.
The comfort you gave.
The attention they didn’t have to ask for.
The validation you poured out like water
Even when you were running dry.

They never liked you.
You were a placeholder.
A stand-in for someone they thought was coming.
You gave everything
light, softness, safety
without demanding anything in return.

You held their heart like it was your own wound,
even if you weren’t the one who broke it.
You became their peace
when they never once asked how your storm was doing.

They touched you without giving you a name.
Held you without asking about your past.
They didn’t bother to learn you
because you were too easy to read,
and they were too distracted to notice the highlights.

You were the name echoing in their mind
when everything else started crashing.
The voice they didn’t know they craved
until it went silent.

But they lost you.
Not because you were hard to keep,
but because they never tried.

And truth is,
you were never really theirs
because they never held you long enough
to even realize you were worth missing.

It’s wild,
how fear doesn’t just live in pain
sometimes it shows up
right when everything feels okay.

A soft hand reaches out,
a kind word finds you mid-breakdown,
someone sees the parts of you
that others called too much
and says, “you’re still worthy.”

And you freeze.

Because peace feels unfamiliar
when survival was the default.

You start plotting escapes from love
that feels safe,
pulling away from people
who meet your chaos with calm,
second-guessing growth
just because it feels different.

You want to apply,
present,
pray,
connect,
but you’re scared
not of failure,
but of what if it works out?

What if they say yes?
What if you're actually seen,
chosen,
celebrated?

What if healing changes you
in ways you can't control?

You hold back from community
that doesn’t mirror your culture
because you know
they might stretch you,
challenge you,
push you to become someone
you’re still learning to believe in.

But still…
you want it.

So maybe today,
you don’t run.
You don’t ruin it.
You don’t shrink.

Maybe today,
you breathe,
you stay,
you try.

Because maybe the fear
is just proof
you’re stepping into
something true.

Dear Mister Man,

Today was a good day.
The kind that slips in quiet,
like a breeze through half-open windows,
like laughter I didn’t expect but needed.
Nothing too loud
just life, humming gently beneath my skin.

I walked with the sun on my face
and your voice in the back of my mind
not saying much,
just… being there.
You do that.
You are that.
A calm corner in a noisy world.

And while the sky didn’t do anything special,
and the world kept spinning the same,
somehow
I felt like I could breathe deeper.
I thought you should know.

Today was a good day.
And a part of that was you.

Yours softly,
~s

i told myself
i don’t miss him.
i rehearsed it in the mirror
like a line in a play
that didn’t quite sound right.

i swore i stopped caring
about where he goes,
who he calls,
what he forgets.

but then he leaves
and somehow
my heart checks the time
as if it still runs on his schedule.

he made me feel things
i thought only lived in movies,
you know
when someone just gets you
without needing to say a word.
just hands,
just presence,
just him,
and my favorite song
three times in a row,
like he was trying to memorize me
in lyrics.

but what if it wasn’t that deep for him?
what if i made it all up
in my hope-shaped head?
what if he just said
everything i wanted to hear
because i was listening,
because i was soft,
because i made love easy?

he held me
like i was the last spark of warmth
in his cold, distracted world.
he looked at me
like maybe
just maybe
i was the thing he never knew he needed.

different.
chill.
warm.
safe.

but now he’s gone.
not all the way
just enough to hurt.

and i’m left
picking petals off memories,
asking
was it real?
was i?

There is power in not getting offended easily.
When people can’t decode your emotions,
they can’t manipulate them.
When their strength, beauty, or brilliance
doesn’t shake your sense of self
they lose their grip on your peace.

You become untouchable.

When you stop playing victim,
when you let life knock you down but not break you
You cry.
You feel it.
You deal with it.
And then you get up and try again.
You restart, if necessary.
You rebuild.

Because when you know you’ve done your part
when you’ve shown up,
loved right,
been kind,
treated people how you would want to be treated
and they still broke your heart?
That’s not on you.

They weren’t meant to stay.
And if they were,
they’ll come back when they’re ready
if they’re ever ready.

But in the meantime:
Get up.
Put your life together.
Because life and time don’t pause
for anyone to piece themselves back together.

The world. Moves. On.

So should you.

They always have time
when they need a favor,
when you’re holding the key
to something they want.

They call you when they miss you
but do they even miss you?
Or do they just miss the feeling,
the comfort, the easy warmth
of someone who sees them
when the world turns cold.

When you need them
the line goes silent.
When they’re having a moment
your name rings loud,
as if you were the answer
to a question they barely understand.

They like mystery
until they miss the ordinary.
They like magic
but only the kind
they can hold without fear.

They like cute,
they like quiet
until they crave noise.
They like your chaos
until it spills over the edges
they swore they could handle.

They like you…
until you haunt them in their sleep.
Until your absence tastes heavier
than your presence ever did.

They never stay.
They never mean to.
They linger
just long enough
for you to hold a room
for their inconsistencies,
to make space in your chest
for their half-kept promises.

They like what they hear,
but when what they see
becomes too real
too honest,
too you
they flinch.

They like you when they see you,
forget you when they don’t.
And then they pop back up
I miss you.
I wish you were here.

But they were never real.
Because you
you were never theirs.