i've been clean for a month
because my box cutter is on the moving truck

i'm back in baltimore
but im not home
not really

everything's normal for two weeks
except it's not

i texted three friends to see if they wanted to hang out while i was back
only one responded
said she was going to be in connecticut

i wanna ask more people
but i dont wanna sound desperate

tell me i dont sound desperate

ᴵ you feel the water
rising inches at a time
until you're neck-deep

ᴵᴵ you're underwater
telling yourself that you can
always hold your breath

ᴵᴵᴵ you've been under for
so long, you forgot what air
feels like in your lungs

ᴵⱽ but as the sea claims
the land every high tide — you
claimed the sea as yours

ⱽ you wake up in an
underwater castle that
you built with your hands

from that moment on
I was no longer just mine —
I knew I was yours

just because they gave
more than you did
doesn't mean they gave
their all — like you did

I have what you would
call a sleeper build — only
mine is built to sleep

I have grown restless
thinking how you don't find rest
in me anymore

When your phone falls down
The screen is already cracked
There is no hurry

my eyes tell everything
that's not a thing
it's the truth it is
the kind I once missed

one look in my eyes
and I begin to smile
not out of love
no-
that's been a while
cause I don't know
how to react
it's an error in my brain
with pain just like rain

not a mask
just not used to
act