Hey: Poems

Behind

Hey Jul 4

Behind

Every breath I take
feels as if I'm drowning
Not in water
In silence

Every stroke I can feel it leaving me
The pain, the schedules

Yet when I look up
She has her business
He has full score on SAT and PSAT
Medals and trophies
worn like a second skin

4.0s, bare minimum
They have a legacy
Leaving marks no one can erase

Yet when I look in the mirror
I'm falling so behind
Already almost done with high school
Yet I feel as if I have nothing
done nothing
so empty
so far
so quiet
so...
behind

Birthday Wishes

Hey Jun 18

Birthday Wishes

Before she turned 18 she made a wish that once she was gone no one would remember
But...
She was once 14 when she wished for flight or super strength
Then things became tough
She turned 15 wished for invisibility
When that didn't come
She turned 16 wishing for a chance at happiness
Yet nothing came
She turned 17 with a wish of death
...
She turned 18 and got her wish

Blades dancing around

Hey 1d

Blades dancing around

I finally found my way out
No more blades, just tears
And before I know it
red slips down my arms again

An insatiable need
Now I write, go insane
because if i give in to that urge
that itch
I'd let everyone down
a disappointment

but all I really want to do is feel the blade dancing around me again

i'm better kinda

Case No. 143

Hey Jul 11

Case No. 143

They chart my thoughts
Writing in the margins
Label me unstable
Calm hands, cold and cynical

White coats, dead eyes
Dissecting not with blades
But questions that cut deeper
Deeper than my blades could

I am but a test subject
Observed, not understood
Answers become symptoms
Insane at the very least
Driven to the brink of psychosis

Taking notes just a job
I am studied
Just a case in a folder
Patients not people
Not even human

143 I love you

Daedalus and Icarus

Hey Jun 19

Daedalus and Icarus

Stop to think before you act
As everyone had always said
When surrendering to the dark
Silence grows heavy
Thoughts begin to spiral
Right before bed
Moon comes by as an old friend
Drawing soft shadows along the wall
Bringing light even to the dimmest flames
Yet one night moon never comes
She waits by bedside
Without the moon's warm light
Darkness begins to tug at her
Until she succumbs to its promise
Of an eternal flame
Not meant to warm
Simply to blind those who fly too close to the sun

Inspired by the myth Daedalus and Icarus

Fires huh

Hey 3d

Fires huh

Just wait it out
Wait until the fire burnt out
but you might just get singed by it
might just be engulfed in flames

Used to cry when I was little
used to feel so much pain
It was hard to hide it, hard to pretend
so i'd just cry on and on
Fight fire with fire maybe some water

Now though I just sit there
Wait till the fire burns over
Until it burns out
I've gotten so good at pretending I'm okay
I've even convinced myself

Fucking apologies

Hey 1d

******* apologies

Look at me, say your sorry
next thing I know its over
Pity like a dagger wrapped like a gift
soft words, sharp lies

You ask why I bleed let the red run me over
Why drawings line up my wrists
In blood red
Then you turn around and say things
Like you forgot I ever told you

I hate you but I cant hate you
I love you because you love me
sometimes I just wish you'd hate me
so i'd be free
so i'd be allowed to hate you
without guilt

Getting Old

Hey Jul 6

Getting Old

Joints… aching like rusted hinges
Hair… slipping away like autumn leaves
Memory…flaking off like the old paint that covered my walls
Fatigue… like a tide that never recedes

I feel as if
I've carried centuries in a single skin
Lived lives I can’t remember
But still feel in my marrow

And yet
I’m nowhere near the halfway mark

The same clock hands, circling
Almost in slow motion
Same dull rhythmic beating
Routine wears like sandpaper
Smoothing the edges
As the years blur and blow away

Goodbye?

Hey Jul 3

Goodbye?

Goodbyes were never mine
they weren't real
until they were
Because I played make belief
until it was too real not to feel

How do I continue
when the echoes you left
scream in my head

How do I just be
without you
when every thought
leads to you

I can't keep going
every time I close my eyes
you appear laughter sharp and clear

How am I supposed to say goodbye
when I once couldn't dream of a day without you
Goodbye feels too final..

See you again

Nightmares

Hey Jun 5

Nightmares

Nightmares to another place
A place I call home…
Called home
To dream again was to face it
To look away was to be free
Yet that ache would never dull
The farther I ran, the more it would pound
Engulfing my skull until
Until it wasn’t enough
Until I became my greatest fear

Promises

Hey Jun 23

Promises

What happened to those promises?
Those promises from when we were untouched
Untouched by this world, still laced with wonder
Innocence as a child beams with a smile so bright
So fierce that it could rival the sun

What happened to those promises?
Pinky promises from when smiles weren't masks
Masks to hide the truth of broken promises
.
.

pieces                                        fallen                          trying
revive
    to                                             what              we
lost
                                                                 shattered
   fractured                   broken

RUINED

Growing up huh, kinda *****

The Days in Between

Hey 3d

The Days in Between

Before I thought one day I'd wake up in bed
Happy with no problems
Peace lying right next to me
no more worries, no more weight
that was what I thought healing was

The older I get I feel like thats not it not even close
Healing isn't a place, a destination
Its a journey, a rhythm, an acceptance

Healing or at least what I think it is
is being okay with having the bad days
not letting them eat you up

Its not about perfect mornings
its about getting up each day
not forgetting what happened the last
but just accepting
but who knows maybe that'll change

To whoever this finds: A letter of maybes

Hey 2d

To whoever this finds: A letter of maybes

I don't know who I'm writing this to
maybe just someone out there
dragging themselves out of bed each morning
not quite ready to face the world
but too tired to stand the loneliness of the night no longer

Maybe you're miles, years, even livesaway
maybe you'll read this one day
and it won't feel so heavy
maybe I will too

until that day
cheers to whoever this finds
heres to a day where it ain't all so lonely

What we've lost

Hey Jun 21

What we've lost

You don't know what you have until you've lost it
Those small, fleeting moments, you never held on
You take it all for granted thinking it will stay
...
But once its lost its not coming back
Somehow you just have to live knowing that
That you had more time
You just chose not to spend it doing something better
Chose not to spend it with the people you love
Left with simple echoes, just reminders of the choices you made
...
Wishing to turn back the clock
Imagining if you hold your breath long enough
you might just stop time
But the past is gone
And now you just have to live with it
live with what you've lost

— The End —