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Sabrina Sep 2018
I simply cannot express myself any other way,
I can only do so with a puddle of ink on my paper day by day.
The words don't flow as easily with a pen and paper sitting in front of me
It'll take too long for me to write.
I simply cannot tell you how I feel naturally
My anxiety stops me, my fears stop me, and I hesitate or choke on my own words.
So if you could just please understand that I express myself with writing or songs,
Then maybe you and I would get along.
Just a little more.
I know you care and I know you wanna help,
but how can you help me when you're too busy ignoring me?!
I live in fear of loving and trusting others,
Always doubting those who confess to me because anyone who ever has done that,
has left.
Perhaps I just wasn't good enough or maybe it was just me in general, perhaps it could've been them as well but either way I'm tired.
So please just ******* love me, please ******* understand that you're not the only ******* one who needs help.
I do too.
Please.
Hold me, please.
Sabrina Sep 2018
Get out of my head
Please
Stop ruining my life
Creating up little lies and scenarios
Forcing me to believe them.
Atelophobia along with my anxiety and depression that controls my everyday life.
I depend on that one small pill to keep me happy and sane
My brain is so ****** up that I cry for no good reason without it.
I miss one day, and I break.
No reason for me to snap, no reason for me to cry, no one can tell me why I randomly developed this mental issue that runs my whole life.
Let me love someone for once without being doubtful.
Let me love someone without a fear of being thrown out.
But maybe it's just trying to protect me,
So that I don't get any worse.
Get out of my head.
Sabrina Sep 2018
I honestly feel like I'm falling
My trust issues choking me
Like a noose tight around my neck
As I watch all those around me,
Falling deeper and deeper into a depth of love
A depth that I crawled out of after being thrown out
Just barely alive.
I'll look down at them, watching the ones who survive
Marry.
And the unlucky ones, such as I, who were tossed out.
I'll grab their hand to pull them up.
With a shy whisper,
"I know."
Tears will run down my cheeks as that rope that was once a noose becomes chains.
My trust for others disintegrating,
and my doubt increasing like a hummingbirds hunger.
I don't lose hope.
Maybe, maybe just one day.
The chains will be unlocked.
And I'll learn how to trust someone again,
as I also learn to trust myself with another ones heart.

— The End —